When you're doing trying to penetrate with your finger are you aroused when you're doing it? Penetration without actually being aroused can sting for anyone, so it's doubly important that you do some clitoral stimulation or something to get yourself going beforehand.

And I know you said you're a nurse and are aware of your own anatomy but have you actually masturbated before? Knowing the name and location of things are good, but you need to explore these things yourself, so you know what feels good for you.

I know that I probably don't even know half of what you're going through, but it's my experience that when you're expecting pain during any kind of penetration, then that is what's going to happen. Take some deep breaths before using your finger and try to relax your muscles as much as possible.

i have masturbated externally only, for several years. i am sure that part of my problem IS that i am expecting pain. it just struck me odd, when it was right after success of a q-tip, without any pain...

Yeah, just take easy steps to bigger things.
When you expect pain and brace yourself for it, then it's going to hurt whether you have lubrication or not.

an ex-gf had the same problem.

From the specialist we visited, vaginismus is a protective reflex by your v. , it's "locking up" against anything "unknown" (your partner included). It's comparable to the eye that automatically closes on an arriving object.

Vaginismus is rather psychological than physical. In our case it came from something that shocked her in the past (something that scared her bad but no harm) ; maybe something shocked you when you were a child or something else. We had to follow a therapist to find out, make her relax, understand what's wrong and then there was a long procedure by our side for her to trust "me".

Btw vaginismus happens way more often than you can imagine. You're not like the single weirdo, the therapist told us that many woman have this problem but are too embarrassed to talk about it, thinking the problem is their fault.

First thing, don't try intercourse as long as the problem persists. Also, tell your husband that indeed many women suffer from it. He needs some explanation too so he doesn't feel like "I'm cursed, I can't have sex" because many men are cursed that way
Just in my own short-range friends' group there's already 2 girls that suffer from vaginismus (and those are only who did tell me so we're not even sure if there's not more).
Inserting yourself is okay, but it's important that you don't "force yourself" to feel relaxed, because you and me know it's just more pressure (the expecting pain you talk about).

Don't force, inform your husband, and see if you need therapy. There's nothing to be ashamed of (we didn't feel like it), or just see what she has to tell you about your problem.


Hope this helps.

i've always had vaginismus. but it's gotten better for me, for sure. there are a lot of resources available on the web. what worked best for me? i went to a sex shop and bought the smallest dildo i could find. then i practiced these exercises my gyno gave me, in which i sort of internally applied light pressure with the dildo going back and forth in a U-shape. i've done this a few times a week for about a year, and it has made a real difference. but my gyno was able to identify which muscle precisely was spasming -- in my case, my bulbocavernosus muscle -- and so this might not help you at all. anyway, yeah, you just have to retrain your muscles to not spasm. i also find that a patient, trustworthy partner who will talk you through it can make a big difference. i never had pain-free sex until i dated a psych major in college, ha. he totally calmed me down! anyway, maybe this wasn't directly helpful, but i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and that it can definitely be overcome.