This is a little long, but please read it....
My real problem is this, I'm 26 years old, I've been messing with drugs and alcohol since I was 13. When I turned 15-16 I was in the party stage, mainly pot at first then I jumped to Cocaine, Ecstasy, Ketamine, but never everyday use, onlu pot up until about 3 years ago, I haven't had a drink in three years as well. But after I quit pot, I went to vicodin, now I take Oxyir, about 4-6 5mg tabs a day. Now ever since the last year and a half it's gotten so bad I can't even go out without getting a panic attack, I know it's from the Oxyir, never had this problem before. I don't go on the streets to get the pills, I have a quack for a DR. and he pretty much gives me whatever I ask for, I'm supposed to start taking Oxycontin this week, I know, another step up, what's next? Heroin? That's something I'll never do. My Father caught Aids and died from it in the 80's, so I vowed never to do it.
My main concern is, I been ********************ing around for most of my life. Why do I want to be clean? How would I react? I never been clean for the past 13 years, what am I going to be like sober? Obviously different. I'm doing this all on my own, I live with my Mother and she has no clue what I do, I don't nod off or act differently, it's just who I am.
I don't know what to do. Should I quit everything? I want to be able to do the things I used too, like going to Baseball games, or just going anywhere without having a panic attack. I'm so confused, can someone shed some light on this for me. I'm not worried about withdrawal, it's basically like the flu, correct? It won't kill me or put me in a coma will it?
