I overreact to the simplest things, for starters, and then i get angry at myself for overreacting in a downward spiral which usually ends with me on the floor wondering how i got there or punching the hell out of some wall. I dont know if this is at all related, but i have no self confidence, for example, I can check my schedule and put it away, and then although i know what class I have i'll be unsure and take it out and check it again. I have no real friends, like no one i can really talk too, and when I try to talk to my parents they just give me that look, like... well... the think im just trying to get attention. Once i asked one of my "friends", and he called me an immature brat and said i was just trying to get attention and the next day started a rumor that I was gay. Since then ive moved to high school and havent asked anyone else what to do.
anyway back to the issue.
when i get overreact to things it just feels like everything is against me, for example today i was having trouble with an essay and ended up hitting a granite wall and i dont think my hand is broken but when i went back to my desk i put my feet up on a little shelf like i always do and it snapped off the brackets. My parents thought that I had broken it intentionally so the sent me to my room, not as soon as i walked in the door than the electrical outlet exploded in sparks luckily not causing fire. the electrical surge blew out my lamp, so i had to sit in darkness with myself. Basically the universe hates me and im finding that I hate myself too. I just feel like crap all the time, i heard st johns wort can fix that but i cant grow any or buy it without my parents knowing. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO??
please help me im really desperate.
by the way im just 14 years old so dont have much freedom as to what I can do.
part of your depression is b/c you are worrying about what other people think of your weird episodes. So don't tell anyone about your weird episodes. Just pretend everything is fine. And if something happens like accidentally breaking the shelf, just act normal and jump up and say "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I'll fix it right now." Point is,,, don't advertise that your upset. If you allow other people to know about your sadness,,, thats just gonna make them feel upset, and then everyone is upset, and that wont solve anything. Until you can figure out why you always doubt yourself, just pretend your totally normal and i promise all the people in your life will not look down on you, and then you'll start to feel better. Its probably just in your head. If you keep making mountains out of molehills, you will only create an ugly scenario in which you will have to live within. Try to create a pleasant future scenario instead, even if you have to fake it!! Its all in your hands, so dont act stupid and you wont be stupid. Trust me, i used to be just like you, but i learned how to change it. Starting today, just act right. No excuses. Its easy.