Erectile Dysfunction Forum - overcoming performance anxiety

Mens Health > Erectile Dysfunction Forum > overcoming performance anxiety

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Q: overcoming performance anxiety

asked by: Sag84 on June 1st, 2008

New User

I have recently begun hooking up with a girl. I received oral sex a few times with everything normal. The first time we went to have sex, as I was putting on the condom my erection softened a little and eventually went completely limp. The 2nd time, I was hard and when I went to reach for the condom I went soft. The 3rd time before I even had all her clothes off I went limp.

Outside of a few random drunken times, this has never been an issue for me in the past and I have no idea why it is now. It's putting a lot of strain on me and the girl

Im assuming that it happened once for whatever reason it did, and that since then its been on my mind and I'm "psyching myself out" in a way which is preventing me from getting/staying hard... Im looking for any advice or ways to overcome this so that it's not an issue (and if its in my head ways to get it out!). It's increasingly frustrating for both me and her and it's creating problems for us while everything else is good

Replies(9)

david_LCC

replied on September 5th, 2008

New User

Hi Sag84 I understand your problem. I am also struggling with similar problems and had identical scenerios as some of the ones you mentioned (condom trouble, not getting hard when the time comes, etc.). I am really paranoid about this as well. I am exploring the possibility perhaps maybe lay your brain off of sex and erection for a while and really love the girl. Don't worry and think about erection at all (I know its hard not to) while being intimate, just enjoy her presence and company and I assume everything will follow. I haven't yet explored this yet, but it is something to try.

alaskawilliams

replied on September 6th, 2008

New User

By the sound of this yes you are "psyching yourself out".
Putting on a condum can be a mind strain as it is.
Also, depending on how often you have sex can create some issues with staying hard.
Even if your not thinking at the time of your daliy stress issues like your bills, job or what ever can still effect your sex life.
Of course drinking, smoking or drugs {illigal or not} can be a factor, even if your not a heavy drinker or smoker.

So how might you go about to fix it? (I'm not a doctor)
1- Don't drink before sex (you might think it helps to get in the mood but for men it really does'nt)
2- If you smoke then stop (you'll see changes in a matter of days)
3- If you have sex 4-6 times a week then try to have sex just 1-2 times a week. (Take long walks for all that free time you two will have.)
Like I said I'm not a doc, but if this can help in some small way then it was worth it.
Chow-

david_LCC

replied on September 9th, 2008

New User

Although I have alot of things going on in my life right now, I don't really think about it when it's time for me to be sexual. I think stress is something you can control and not think about. I actually don't do drugs or alcohol and exercise almost everyday. I doubt I have a medical issue because I can obtain and maintain good erection on my own masturbating to porn. However, problem arises during the following scenerios:

1. It's really tough and slow, to obtain an erection masturbating with my imagination. All I could get is a soft erection 40% of the time.

2. My erections feel weak and they come and go pretty rapidly while I am with my girl. So how could anyone have intercourse when your erection is not consistent? Is it all about having the right timing??

3. I occasionally feel that I am not in the mood to be sexual, I have no idea why this is so. I believe that this is also affecting my erectile quality.

banditone

replied on September 26th, 2008

New User

I have the same problem Sad

I am 40 years old and have had a good sex life for many years, although funnily enough I have only been able to masturbate successfully for the last 5 years.

I'm sure it's 100% psychological - it happened once and ever since then I get very anxious re sex. I have no problem receiving oral and achieving climax, and no problems achieving climax with masturbation - usually using porn.

It's the condoms that really kill it for me. Again I never used to have a problem. I have tried masturbating whilst wearing a condom - and that worked!

I have been on antidepressants on and off for the last 10 years, and I know they can affect sexual performance, but they haven't affected me previously.

banditone

replied on September 26th, 2008

New User

I have the same problem Sad

Shibby

replied on May 23rd, 2009

New User

Also experiencing similar problems, especially with the condom.
Often I am able to get hard just from simple kissing, then as soon as i get my clothes off and go to put a condom on, I go limp very quickly. Then it's incredibly difficult to get hard again once the condom is on.

I had tried having sex with this one girl 4 times and every time I failed to get hard enough to have sex. She no longer sees me, don't blame her, is kind of getting to me now, feels kind of horrible, like I'm broken or something.

I went to another girls house last night however, a lot less attractive and I was able to get hard enough for some reason. Maybe I didn't feel so intimidated or pressured because she was less attractive?

I think some girls I just am not turned on by, and trying to push it and push it just makes things worse.

gemininurse

replied on August 23rd, 2009

New User

erectile disfunction, depression, fatigue

My husband is/was having trouble with getting things going sexually, having hard erections, hard time ejaculating. If he wasn't consciously thinking about having sex, his body would show no reaction to me being close or naked. He didn't wake up in the morning with an erection. He didn't have them through the night. He would have bouts of mild depresion. He was tired a lot.He was blood tested & is being treated for low testosterone. All of his symptoms are associated with low test.

surfguy45

replied on October 21st, 2009

New User

Erection anxiety

I think that several of the responses are right on target. This problem is all about the "snowball effect". While it may be normal to experience erection failure from time to time, and there are often factors ike alcohol, stress, being tired, anti-depressant drugs (SSRIs) nonetheless we can become anxious the next time and this can lead to another failure which can lead to worse anxiety. Easier said than done, but the solution is to relax and enjoy your partner without being goal-oriented. And know that if you can get an erection masturbating and get them during the night there is likely no physical problem to worry about.

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