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overcoming past paranoia

OK long posts aren't fun so i'll try keep this short for people. this so isn't like me. Sorry for bad spelling n stuff. i sense a killer migraine coming on. can't see straight. please bear with me.

So my friend Thomas and me like each other, which is good.

(history bit) this comes after at least 2 years of a BAD relationship with a guy. I became really emotional, miserable and got treated horribly by the guy.. err.. BOY. i overthought everything probably because he was so misleading and cruel, it became a habit and i got obsessed with fixing him and the relationship. he lost interest in me lots of times but i was stupid enough to put up with his nasty change for well over a year. but anyway... i got over him and have been incredibly happy since then. Thomas was one of the friends who was there for me so he knows what happened with this last guy, and so gives me leeway cuz of it. i suppose he understands but just like me he doesnt overdo with tolerating excuses, ya know?

(problem) thomas has liked me for 2 years. recently we got closer and i started liking him back. but now i'm certain i like him i'm kinda finding myself overthinking things a bit like with the last guy. i want to nip it in the bud NOW.

I get paranoid and stuff and assume thomas is losing intrest, like if he acts different for a few days, or shows less afection for any time. this week he was snapping at me a lot and showing his frustration for how "cold" and difficult i used to be before. See i really suck at being direct/serious since aforementioned bad relationship, but thomas has been snappy at me this week. he's on a trip right now abroad. we just got past my not being able to tell him i liked him back, and i stopped being aggressive and mean (not nasty) to him. now i'm feeling vulnerable since his little snaps at me and such, like i shouldnt have stopped being mean because he seems to be letting out past frustration?

over the years i just seem to have lost faith in guys but while i know it's not fair to him, I also can't shake it. my trust in any guy always hangs on a thread and my thoughts go crazy if i think its gonna snap.

Any ideas or suggestions? sorry to sound like a teenage drama queen.

i'm admitedly scared of messing things up, but also terrified of being let down again. i hate emotion, i hate that suddenly i'm feeling anything serious at all and that i could jynx this with bringing previous issues into this.

Thank you lots in advance.
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replied November 4th, 2008
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I'd suggest you be straight up and tell him everything you've written in the post. That you feel vulnerable, that you fear messing it up, that you're overcompensating for feeling taking advantage of...etc. If he's the right person for you, he'll give you time and will consistently accept your faults. You just need to do the same for him! And ask him what he's looking for, what he's afraid of, etc. Get some communication going...it works!
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replied November 5th, 2011
Sounds exactly like something I would be writing. I think our situations are very similar. We do have excellent communication. Almost to much sometimes. My boyfriend also had bad past experiences and he's afraid we're headed the same direction. I am seeing a counselor because I want to stop feeling this way. I am trying to concentrate more on ME instead of US. Only you can overcome these thoughts. If he tries to change to help you, he will resent it.
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