I have been in the exact place that you describe. Many times I have not wanted to get up in the morning as it all just seemed too hard and not worth the effort. I have been very lucky to have the support of an extremely helpful and caring doctor who diagnosed depression and put me on medication that has had to be tweaked over the years to keep this horrible condition under control. The doctor also talks to me often and gives me the sense that I am not alone in this and that helps more than I can say. I am fortunate to live in a country where doctors can choose to bulk bill the government for patients so this help has not cost me anything except for the medication. When I have needed more help than my GP can give me (as she is very busy} she has referred me to counselling that is of no cost to me. I see these two things as my safety net. When I start feeling really low, usually as a result of some event in my life, I know that I can talk about it to an impartial person and get some outside perspective as well as advice and encouragement. I am trying to regain some health and energy by beginning an exercise program - something I would never once have considered doing. I go to a program called "Curves" which is just for women and is a whole lot of fun. After just a couple of weeks I am already looking more alive and feeling alive also. The other big help in my life is my very good friend. When I am at my worst she rings me mid-morning and talks for a while. Then she asks if I am in bed. If I say yes she tells me firmly to get out of bed and eat something. Sure sometimes I have gone back to sleep after she rings off, but often it has been enough to make me drag myself out of bed. She is always telling me off, but it makes me feel good, because I know that she cares enough about me to do it. So basically, what I am saying to you is that you need support urgently. It took me years to find this kind of help. Most of the doctors I saw in the past couldn't care less how I felt but it wasn't until my separation and subsequent divorce that the help found me. You need a caring doctor. That's a must. And if you have a good friend that is willing to help you that would be wonderful. Now comes the hard part. YOU have to put in some hard effort too. I know you don't want to and couldn't care less, but you HAVE to try. You have to force yourself to do things even when it's too hard. For instance arrange to go to the movies with a friend, so you'll have to go. Involve yourself in some activities even if you don't want to make the effort. Perhaps some kind of self-help classes would be good. Anything that will get you out of the house and involved with life. You'll still stay in bed some days because you won't get past this straight away, but you should have some good days, and this combined with medication and the support of friends and professionals should see you beginning to feel better. You need to make yourself a priority. Make a schedule where you eat good meals regularly, get enough sleep and give yourself the time to discover exactly who you are and what you want to do with your life. During a marriage, many of us lose a sense of who we are and when we come out of the marriage we have the opportunity to reclaim who we really are. This can be a very exciting and rewarding opportunity. But you need to get well first, so please see your doctor and the rest will follow. My very best wishes and luck to you. You have taken the first step by acknowledging your problem and asking for help here. Now it is time to take the next step.
