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Out of control 9 year old

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I am completely at my wits end with the situation going on and have no clue what to do next. I have a 9 yr.old son who is so out of control he is literally on the verge of getting kicked out of school. He hits kids, threatens them, runs out of class and hides, cares nothing about authority, talks to us teachers and any adult like they are trash, snd doesn't care anything about consequences. I have him in counseling outside of school and inside of school and it isn't doing anything. We've done a CSE meeting for him but with his teachers not caring anymore it's hard. They are done and looking to me for answers/help and I don't know what to do. He does have an appointment in two weeks to see if he needs meds but school just wants him gone. I'm so sad, I just want my little boy back. Have you seen this before is there anything else to do? He has no friends because he doesn't respect anyone and he's not nice to anyone please any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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First Helper swise29
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replied March 7th, 2010
Oh no!
First of all, are you taking care of yourself? This must be a very stressful situation for you, so make sure you take time out whenever you can to look after yourself. I know it's easier said than done! But perhaps try meditating or talking to friends about the situation so that you don't burn out.

Secondly, have you found out if there is any underlying medical condition with your son? Have you looked at his diet, does he eat a lot of sugar or preservatives?

If there is not a medical reason, have you considered boarding school or military school? Perhaps he needs a professional who is trained in disciplining kids who are out of control.

I have a six year old step son who is insanely naughty, makes everyone miserable all the time, and I'm at my wits end too. But at least I get to give him back to his mother!!

Maybe moving him to a new school might help give him a fresh start. If he's always threatening kids and stuff, he can't be very popular there. If he starts at a new school it might be better for him.

I hope you find a solution! Best of luck to you.
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replied March 7th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
It sounds like he may just be missing structure in his life. There shouldn't be a reason that he would be so disrespectful of others if his behavior is monotored and corrected in the home. Give him more supervision at home, get to know his friends better and make sure they're a positive influence in his life. Make him participate in out-of-school activities such as a sports team or fun classes or martial arts where he is with peers in an organized activty. Review your methods of pubishment with your husband, maybe pick up some parenting books to see if there are more effective ideas that you both agree on. Don't use bribery but provide him with incentives for good behavior like "Hey do you want to go see that movie you were talking about? If you can make it through the week witout any of your teachers having a problem with you, we'll go."
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replied November 14th, 2010
Even with the worst parenting techiniques EVER, it is HIGHLY UNUSUAL for a child to behave like this. Even with the most ineffective parenting in the world, the vast majority of children learn from their peers and teachers how to behave so that they are well-liked and accepted by peers and authority. All children WANT to behave so that they fit in, have friends, and do well. Some children simply can not achieve what everyone else can. They have a mental condition which requires lots of specialized training, sometimes medication, often counseling/psychiatric help. It is inappropriate to advise you to simply pick up a parenting book - this is way beyond simple parenting techniques! You and your child need to get to a paediatrician ASAP, before further damage occurs. I am a 20 year veteran teacher, with a master's degree in counseling, who has a son with Tourette's syndrome. I know what I am talking about. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF, stop trying to solve this with "positive incentives" (aka setting him up for more failure at this point...) and get professional help for your poor little guy. Good luck! Go give your kid a hug!
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replied January 19th, 2011
I am a professional parent educator and adviser, and have been a specialized teacher for over a decade. Your problem, though not easy, is relatively common and has been seen before. With professional help you should be able to get to the root cause.

Hey, W0LF,
Did you actually read what Swise29 wrote? Counseling, CSE meetings, etc... obviously this is not simply a matter of being monitored and corrected at home, it seems very clear that this parent has past that point. Please do not degrade the parent or the situation.

estrongklassen is completely correct. Do not blame yourself, try to be less stressed, it seems your are doing what is right. Take him to a pediatrician, continue counseling, etc. Try to locate a counselor or psychologist who specializes in childhood behavioral issues. Medication may be a helpful start, but it is not a cure, so do not rely on meds for his entire life, try to get to the root of the problem and use meds as a tool to help get there if it is prescribed. I do agree that a physical activity that allows for proper use of aggression and teaches self discipline, such as martial arts, may also be helpful. Keep your head up, give your kid a hug, and be strong. Whatever you do, do not go backwards and allow the negative behavior. Try to be a positive influence even at the most difficult times. Between your strength and the assistance and guidance of experts, you and your child will come out of this successfully and happily.
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replied January 27th, 2011
9 Year Old Boy OUT OF CONTROL
If the child is violent already, learning martial arts is scary to me, my son backtalks, tells us to shut up, screams at us, will not listen, steals and lies at home. He threatens to kill me, has hit, kicked and hurt me. I worry if he learns how to hurt me worse, he will. He was in counseling, but after being diagnosed with RAD, his counselor decided he doesn't have it, even though 2 diagnosed him with it. I am ready to lose my mind. Please help??
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replied August 7th, 2013
i have a nine year old daughter that has R.A.D im at the end of my rope also i have been dealling with this since she was tyree she also has bipoler what i dont get it on her meds she just gets smarter on how to be sneaky and makes everyone around us thinks im crazy she will flip out on me and as if i hurt her and when people look at her she looks at me and smiles help me to please
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replied September 3rd, 2013
I am a father of a boy who is almost 9. He is diagnosed with a ADHD and just barely on the spectrum of Aspergers syndrome. He had alot of challenges and has come a long way as far as his schoolwork and i thought his behavior. I also thought he was doing alot better with friends but my wife has been telling me that she doesn't get invited to parties with her friends with kids anymore, hears all kinds of stuff about his sneaky behavior, being mean to their kids. He spit at one of the neighbors kids the other day. This morning my wife told be that he shoved his 7 yr old sister to the ground in the driveway when her bike was sticking out in the garage just barely. At the school bus he shoves past all the other girls and cut in line and once again it is totally embarrassing and we have to make excuses for him. He is on .01 m of clonadine now but we need to reopen his case with the local agency and del with the fact that his aspergers is becoming a bigger problem as he aproaches puberty.
We are doing sports and about to start martial arts but as he gets more aggressive, wondering if that is the best idea.
when he gets home today I need to set some much stricter new rules about what happens if he continues this behavior and especially being mean to girls. Really need help with this one though.
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