If you only have your stepson on weekends or short periods of time, I don't know what, if anything, you can do about him. But if you have him full time, I would try to figure out what he is so angry about. Did your husband leave his mother to be with you? has his father been in his life consistently, or does your stepsone consider you both to be strangers? It is also possible that he has never had to develop any self- control and cannot/ will not resist any impulse.

I also think you need to shift your thinking from punishment to reward. Instead of focusing on punishing the bad behavior, look for reasons to reward him for good behavior. (I'm not saying that you should not punish him, but you should reinforce the positive behavior as well.) Constantly search for something, anything that he is doing RIGHT and give him lots of praise for it. For instance, the next time he goes to the bathroom at home, you need to let him know what your expectations are. "'Adam', I would like for you to use the bathroom, flush the toilet and wash your hands. Remember that poop and pee go in the toilet, not on the walls. If you can do all of that like a big boy I will take you out for ice cream/ take you to the park/ play your favorite game..." And if he does something well without first being urged to do so, go overboard with praise and affection (if he allows physical contact.)

Surprise him with a treat if he has been good, even if he has some bad behavior as well. You could say something like, "Well, 'Adam', you had a rough start of the day when you pulled the cat's tail but you ate all your breakfast and helped put away the toys. Because you were such a good helper and a big boy, we're going to go to McDonald's instead of eating dinner at home."

Most importantly, though, I think you need to see about getting him some counseling if he truly seems to have no conscience.

my little sister was so bad that my mom beat her everyday for a week, the next time she did something my mom got tired and gave up. my little sister now has a child that steals, she had ADHD in her younger years. she was so bad i told my sister i couldnt baby sit here.
what my little sister and her daughter had in common is they lived in compromised households so they acted out.
He might be hurt inside so he is acting out. i hope this is something he will grow out of.
i think the best way to solve this problem is to know the science of a child's mind. i would like to email you some information on why do children act out.

This child is past being bad. He has some emotional problems that require a good therapist. There are intense anger issues at the root of his behavior, and he may even need some medication. If this continues, it could worsen. He will get bigger and stronger, and become more of a danger to all of you. A child that does the things you say he is doing, is beyong the term "bad." He is sick. Please talk to someone about him for all your sakes. He is disassociated from everyone.

My initial thought process went straight to sociopathic behaviors. Something has gone on in his life, whether emotionally/physically/even neurobiologically that is triggering him to act out. The trick is to find out what...and it may be something like parent separation. I highly suggest seeing a therapist, because some of his actions are pretty text book to anti-social/sociopathic behaviors.

This child has some serious emotional issues and punishing him is not the answer. When you punish a child who has emotional issues it only makes things worse. First of all you need to get him therapy immediately. There are some different reasons a child will act this way. It can be anything from a traumatic experience in his young years, too much yelling in the household,etc. or he may be suffering from a mental illness or neurological disorder. It's even possible that he may be autistic. The signs are there and as a teacher I've worked with autistic children. Get him some help and stop punishing him. Even with this child, positive reinforcement can make a little bit of a difference and every little bit helps. Good-luck to you and your stepson.

Jenn, are there any other children in the house with you guys? From the behavior you described it sounds like your husband had a bad divorce? It may also be acts of resentment from the child's mother. Meaning child hears then reacts. First of all some kind of therapy needs to be sought. Spreading feces on walls is an act of cruelness. The bed wetting if intentional the same. Remember it takes a village to raise a child. I suggest when punishing be consistent. Have only one level higher in your voice. Go to his level and say I dont like you when you act this way. Explain why without the higher tone. Then take his hand and set him on the couch and say I am giving you time to control yourself. You may get up when you feel you can control yourself and you want to come back. Do not put a time limit on it. The other a 5 year old is aware of his actions. When he decides to do destructive art in the bathroom then take his hand. Give him some gloves and make him help clean it up along side of you. Cruelty to animals is always a sign to watch for. If you have pets you need to get rid of them. Encourage good behavior and acknowledge him when he speaks. I know its hard raising children between homes but it can be done. Set your limits and he will soon realize that type of behavior will not fly. Find things outside of the home that you can do as a family. Is he interested in sports? What interest does he have? I would start on these things and I would make an appointment with a child therapist.

i have to agree with 'deteragram' focussing on the bad behaviour only tells the child what they are doing wrong, and punishing the bad behaviour means that you are using your energy to give him attention for it.

give ur stepson a shock and spend one day continuously looking for great behaviours and praise him up for it. maybe once or twice reward him for it. (the fewer the rewards the better - it enforces the value of earning something)
i think he will like that kind of attention and in turn resist the temptation to be naughty.

in saying that however, if he breaks any serious house rules, then there does need to be a significant consequence (no video games, no dessert/pudding at dinner etc etc) whatever fits in with ur household values.

parenting should be fun - make it easy on urself - children will only do what you allow them to do....so make it you're mission to allow this child to make you happy instead of making you mad.

you need to take him to the doctor asap and let them know what is going on with him it is not normal for a child to play with his feces nor is it healthy it may just be a cry for attention but could be something medical he would need to be treated for i would (if it were my son/setp-son) talk to a doctor and take their direction hope you find help i know that has to be had to deal with thats beyond a cry for attention i think but there are so many reasons why he may be acting this way and may not be something he can help be ind and loving even though this is hard till you talk with a doctor to find out why he is doing this

shutterbug0902, how are things going? I am interested in hearing an update.

look into sensory problems and adhd. my 5 yr old son has oral and tactile sensory issues and also severe adhd and some aspergers. the ocupatoinal therepist told me that the wiping poop on the walls thing is sensory seeking. good luck its not easy figureing out what is wrong and how to help but it is worth it for everyone involved.