1993
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I was working in a job with a lot of pressure, just finished the university, my first major depression episode came up, as result was to quit in fall from my job, using as excuse that i had to do my millitary service, i stayed in depression state until 1994 and i did my millitary service with almost no problems.
1996
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I was working in company with a lot of pressure, second major depression episode, as result was to quit again and stayed in depression till the spring of 1997 when i got my dreamed job in a big company..
1997
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summer of 1997, not really pressure, but i had some problems with colleagues, my first maniac episode came up, i was fired from my dreaned job.. i was 28 years old, i saw life to get rough with me, i visited a psychiatrist, she said dont worry you ll be ok(i was not in mania phase, i was in depression phase), i drifted to europe to find something to do but i was depressed so i came back to my country..
Fall of 1998
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im starting to work as a teacher in high schools, it was hard in the beginning cause i was still depressed, but i fighted it and became childrens' most popular and beloved teacher in every school that i was.
I almost put away my episodes, i thought that a new era opened for me, i thought i was normal, i thought..
summer of 2007
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i was teaching in the same school for 5 years sucessfully, the principle was no good for me anyway but i could handle it, some financial problems seemed to be settled but a second job was always in my mind these 5 years, actually i tried some projects to get an extra income but i just lost my time and what else, a five years relationship was finishing.
So the school was closed for the summer holiday but my second HUGE maniac episode came up:
drugs, alcohol, payed love, violent behavor, scaring calls to friends, relatives and colleagues, i even called my parents cursing them, i threaten the principal of my school about his family, completely paranoid for 2 months.. of course i didnt go at school in the beginning of school year.
My parents finally put me in a mental clinic and saved my job till now.. I stayed there for one month with a lot of meds, i tried a suicide there, but i didnt try enough.
They gave me 2 months off after the clinic and after that i was put in another school as secretary. Im still in the depression phase, i diagnosed as bipolar(finally), i see my therapist every month and im getting my pills every day.
I have 4 friends left from my destroyed social life, my financials are almost completely ruined cause of the huge amounts that i was spenting using my credit cards during my maniac episode, i was living alone or with a girlfriend since 18, now in my 38 years my mother and my father are visiting and staying often at my flat, im not in mood to date, to meet people.
September-December 2008
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Im back to my old school, i faced all the people that i treated them as a mad man, god i wished to be disapeared from the earth. All the people treated me very nice, they didnt say anything about the episode and i have no complains from them.
Its about one year that i came out from clinic, im still in depression phase, one more lost year... I still visit my therapist and im getting my pills.
Of course, like soucie said, i understood many things about my life, lost friends and girlfriends, lost jobs and chances. I fight with this illness about 15 years, i went down several times and i get up again and again, this period im down again, depressed for one year.
I feel tired! Yes tired! I fed up enough! The same damned cycle, fighting to do something and with a finger snap its lost and starting again from a scratch cause i have to fight, to continue, to live, bla, bla...
I wish one more time, to find the strength to get up and try to continue that life...
but i know this time is more difficult from the other times, cause of my age, my financials, my social circle. Ok, this time i know the name of my illness, i have my therapist and my pills.
Im just wonder whats next...
