An organic purpose of mankind, to "create"? to "reproduce"?; I've always been a little confused about that. I was willing, years ago, just never happened, and now at 45, my wife already had kids, some people do still have kids at this age but we have no intention of it; my sisters both had kids, so plenty of nieces and nephews, I figure the work of passing on the genes has been done, right? also figured as far as I go, the buck stops here, enough is enough. So we try to "pass on" what, exactly, is my question. Is it a "look", or something? Because me, if I wanted to "pass on" something at all, if I were so bold as to assume such a role in the universe, I think I'd want to pass on ideas, more than a particular look; I'd be trying to pass on a "Way", of being, that could be used by all kinds of different types of beings, this finite world being the realm of inequality, and so multivariate, I'd want to come up with a dance that you could get all people, as well as cats, dogs, birds, Lippanzer Stallions, and cockatiels, to do, (I like to picture the horses up on the hind legs, arms around eachother, kicking in unison to the beat, with the birds doing a version of the same thing on all their heads, albino monkeys on their backs, and the three ring circus all saber tooth cats and wolves, as well as the entire Paleocene parade of condylarths from the Mongolian plateau, all doing the dance in unison), that's what I'd like to "spread", not my "look", but it's not just the look we thought we'd be passing down now, is it, with this primal urge of our species, one of the few on earth that doesn't have a "season", and is just in heat year round, (I think it's just us and the orangutans)?
What is the primal irrationality, is it that we feel, or we assume, that we are the only ones who can "see" something in a certain way, and it's so precious an internal, mystical, beatific secret that it must be "passed down" because humanity never had this great jewel before you invented it, or else couldn't it go around you, from your ancestors through your sisters? But your sisters aren't "you", intuition will tell you right away, so what is it we are REALLY trying to pass on, with this dark irrationality, deeply motivating every human, I've always wondered.
Spirit that listens to itself to know itself, spreads out, is never confined to just a human body, it's usually the whole house, including my wife, sleeping. The birds outside starting to wake up, that easily becomes part of me, that early in the morning. Hey, why do some crave the violent video games, that kinda stuff? To be a part of that spirit, and they know that when they walk away, the spirit having been the violent scenes of prowess, that that will still be with them, and they edify themselves with these things. We constantly create ourselves, then, as spirit that knows itself as spirit, by what we surround ourselves with (how well we clean up this room), and anyway, if THIS is what we really are, which makes alot more sense to me, it can't really be "passed down", it's of the moment, our graceful internal being, calming down the cloud around us in radiating concentric circles to other beings throughout the present.
Here's what I think it is: it's not the DNA we want to pass on, it's the RNA, and here's why it's unique to each individual, as your intuition has been telling you all along.
OLGA KHARITIDI, MD, wrote "Spirits of Trauma", It's her second book, I now have her first and it's in the queue with a medium to high priority. She is a Russian psychiatrist who went to Siberia to study with a very powerful shaman, and learned and taught something that I've never heard from any other shamanic culture, and I have totally integrated into my "teaching", my "psychosis", my "culture two", my "tapirology": she said the demons, the spirits the shaman uses as helper spirits, that he has to first subdue, are "spirits of trauma", both his own trauma, but also the trauma of his ancestors (I think they gave some number like 10 generations, but that might be kind of arbitrary), but then they said a powerful shaman can actually collect the spirits of trauma from other people, the people he ministers to, and make those "demons" his own, and train them and control them. And the tapir is a "demon eater" who does exactly this, as far as I can tell it's the same technology, and this is what I study from him, how to eat, and digest, huge quantities of demons, not just the occasional few that the average community healer does, but to absorb like a black hole at the center of a galaxy cluster, the vast majority of all the demons on the continent, to absorb at the "Eddington limit" as they say in astrophysics, as Lance Armstrong our country's most powerful biker absorbs 10,000 calories a day and burns exactly the same amount, absorbing demons and producing a "cooling flow", which in this complex analogy would be a flow of perfection and magic out onto the surrounding community. Not that I claim to be as good at the job as the tapirs, but that is what I'm trying to do here.
And I don't remember if it was Olga's book or my own ideas while watching the discovery channel or something, but the human genome has been analyzed, you know, and they say that a small piece of our DNA makes up everything they can see : bones, blood, meat, the entire human being according to "science". They say the vast majority of our genome is "junk DNA", bits and pieces that are similar to the pieces of the main part, just sitting there "for no reason". Scientists are as silly as a snowflake at the center of a cloud who thinks that he is separate from the cloud, the cloud is something to ignore, say doesn't exist, get rid of, and when the evidence appears that he is actually the precipitate at the center of this "enemy" or "unreality", he just says that must be his "junk DNA" that has nothing to do with anything.
It may very well have been Olgas shaman thought that told her that these "spirits of trauma", these demons, that the shaman collects, are the objects on the junk DNA. Going on this theory, I am attempting to add to my genome, by eating other people's demons. I have noticed an ability to transmit demons between schizophrenics. I read the book called "into the half light", and acquired some demons. Suspending disbelief and going with this theory, the patients in the schizophrenia ward who talk to eachother enthusiastically about their demons in the demon world are sharing demons, they are multiplying, more efficiently than if we each just paired off and had kids. Which is why I love talking to schizophrenics, either all over the internet, to transmit and multiply, to collect whatever I can, and I can acquire them reading. I once went to a used bookstore in Haigh Ashbury, eventually had a long talk with the expansivelyâminded woman who has run the store for 35 years, and ultimately told her I was here to "eat demons", to collect the spirits in the books, and that what I was looking for was not books on shamanism, because I am a shaman already and can do that on my own, and not exactly books on psychiatry, but the MEMOIRS OF SCHIZOPHRENICS, because in these there is almost always "tapir food", or demon dreams, and that the other way to get what I am looking for is the mind of the average two yeaold, but they don't write books.
Oh yeah, spirituality can cause marital problems. The story of leo tolstoy's last days, spiritualist who wanted to live in poverty and give everything away, religious leader, holy man, beloved tolstoy of the russians, leader of his own personality cult, but oh, his wife wanted the material world, that which he was casting aside! It didn't go well, so bad in fact there's a book and a movie made up from the diaries of the people all around him.
My first marriage was like that; I wanted to be poor, and made sure we were, if I got a little bit ahead at a job I'd have my pay cut, or get fired and get a few months behind on bills, live like the birds in the bible, don't care a bit for your own savings, god feeds you for free every morning. My wife was like leo tolstoy's, and so it didn't go well, no book no movie, but the same story.
sz definitely has a hard time with relationships, the turmoil, the confusion, most relationships don't survive that. Shamansim is similar turmoil, atleast at first, and who knows when along the way. When I first met second my wife I told her I was crazy - had crazy ideas - but that it shouldn't matter. I did pick a good one the second time around, for this. Most american women I don't think are up for being the wife of a shaman, you need a special kind of girl. Maybe it works better if the girl is the shaman in the relationship, but as the guy, supposed to be winning bread, clear headed, supposed to be head of household, it's weird when stuff in the otherworld becomes overwhelming and you have to abdicate duties in this world for things that seem imaginary or non-existant to people here, if not to the wife then certainly to the wife's friends and family. This most recent ghost bug crisis was a challenging test for the new magical superwife, but I think we made it out of that ok. I hadn't told her about ghost bugs in my life until it started becomming a problem again, almost a year ago. I'm now gone from the house in oakland california that, yes, really was infested with bird mites. I'm out in ohio, by myself in an extended stay hotel for the next three months to possibly infinity, and it's just dust mites on the bed, no bird mites in the room, it's like a pen full of kittens compared to the wolverines in my wife's house running free. So I just don't sit or sleep on the bed, those little kittens can wait for the next tenant or die waiting. I sleep up on the kitchen table, slept well the past three nights. There may be downsides to being the wife of a shaman, like an otherworldly bent and disruptions from time to time, but a shaman can also offer love of a kind so deep that it is unusual, my wife and her dog and my bird all love me, even the ex-wife still emails me from time to time, no body has ever treated her the same, unfortunately, so she still remembers me fondly, though that relationship certainly did crash under the weight of the supernatural and specifically the ghost bugs, she was a stubborn and dim witted girl, sweet though. The new wife is happy in the relationship now, says she loves me dearly, going through her own hell in that house with two tennis elbows, the most severe kind, and looking at surgery as the next step, then out here to convelesce, maybe. Meanwhile it's just me out here in dayton, the relationship is just a phone call at the end of the day and maybe some emails, but it's going well.
I don't know about other shamans, I read alot of stories and there is often a shaman's wife, on the other hand it's always a weird relationship that gets messed with by the otherworldly calling from time to time. I think it's all about picking the right person, I have read of those scenes, there was a modern day magical taoist guy, who could launch fire out of his hands and things like that, in asia somewhere, and when he was ready to take a wife, he had to point out that he will continue to "practice" most of the time, alot of meditating, alot of unusual behavior and training. That wife seemed to have no problem with it. There were always wives or mistresses for the catholic priests in the middle ages, maybe it's their descendants that we shamans pick for wives.