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On thin ice. Yesterday, I got the ultimatum.

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I am desperate for answers/support/advice

I am a 23 year old male with diagnosed BPD. I have a 1 year old who I took for granted for the first 10 months and a wife that I've known since the summer of 2008.

We separated last year in June, got back together this March. Things seemed to be going great, if not better than ever before but my dual personality got the best of me when I would mistrust her constantly and random displays anger and make her feel bad about it.

Yesterday, I got the ultimatum. Change and get help and MAYBE we'll work things out.
My world and everything I knew about it came crumbling down when she uttered this words. Even worse because I was totally wrong about my assumptions.

Everything comes flashing in and reality teaches me that she is trying her best. She is walking on egg shells.

I don't like hearing MAYBE. I want a definite answer but I'm afraid the answer might be NO and I feel that would be the end for me.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't be at peace. I find myself constantly calling/texting her instead of going by the book and giving her some space.

I dream of growing old with our child(ren)I don't want to be like our fathers. Divorced, kids miles away.
I am venting, for more details please ask :/
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replied April 22nd, 2012
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Hi 60053, i, too have bipolar disorder and have had my fair share of episodes. You sound like you're having a manic episode. Are you medication for it? Are you seeking counseling and a psychiatrist? that would be the best help for you. If you're on something now, then maybe you need a better medication or a better dosage. Have your wife go to a session with you so she can understand as well on what you're going through. Also, talk about it with her and let her know how you feel. Take care!
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Users who thank guest31449 for this post: 60053 

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replied April 22nd, 2012
I appreciate your response.
I am currently on no medication. Yes, I am seeking a psychiatrist and/or counseling of any sort.
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replied April 23rd, 2012
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You're welcome, and let me know if you need anything else.
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replied July 9th, 2012
[UPDATE]
it's been nearly 3 months since this i posted my original post. so i felt a little update was in order.

i was recently release from a psych ward (sunday) for trying to commit suicide.

it all happened july 2nd, i was on a drinking binge. about a 12 pack of beers every night and at least 2 pain killers every night also until finally thursday the 5th i slit my wrists but passed out because of the alcohol. turns out i luckily didn't cut deep enough and i finally decided to go to a crisis control at my local hospital.

i was admitted and they recommended. i enroll in this program. my anxiety skyrocketed but my wife told me it was for the best.

i was able to let go at that moment and cry a river to all the nurses. i didn't enjoy my stay but i learned more from my life than i have in the past 23 years.

some of the people there inspired me that life is awesome if your perpesctive is shooting in the right direction.

i am currently on prescription medicine.
Celexa, Vistaril and Ambien.

Ambien has been giving me mild hallucinations, not horrifying hallucinations but far fetched hallucinations that make me giggle 5 minutes before i go to sleep. I refused to tell the doctor about them since Ambien is so cheap compared to other medicines.

I am very happy to be alive.
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