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Anxiety and Stress
Unfortunately, right now, I''m going through a pretty tough patch - hopefully some of you can relate. Here''s my long-winded story.
I''m starting to see that I''ve been letting worry dominate my life. As a little kid, I would always worry about contracting the latest Discovery Channel feature sickness of the week. All I would need to see is the special on the "elephant man" or a show on AIDS, and boom, I''d spend a lot of time worrying about developing the same conditions. As a young, easily distracted kid, these worries never consumed much of my life - I was a pretty darn happy kid.
I guess in retrospect, since my early teen years, I''ve had obsessive, scary thoughts. When I was younger, my fears bounced back and forth from the fear of hurting myself to the fear of hurting a family member - I was terrified that I would sleepwalk and do something I''d regret (I used to be a chronic sleepwalker, I once flooded my entire house by turning on the bathtub faucet, while having no recollection of the event). My early teen years were tough because of these fears I experienced. After middle school, I became slightly more in control of these worries, but still there were days or weeks where I was extremely anxious and unhappy.
I''m 20 now, and maturity has come to me with both benefits and curses. I find that most irrational fears I have, most of the time, I can just shake them off with little impact. I spent a lot of years very happy for the most part, just with occasional spikes of worry. Lately, however, I''ve gotten hit with a particularly strong fit of worry - I believe it was brought on by both a severe stomach issue I had over the summer and the medication that was used to treat it - one of Nexium''s common side effects is nervousness/anxiety. After building nervousness for several months, I decided to switch around my medicines and see a counselor. Luckily, switching the medicines has helped a little, and I believe seeing a counselor will help more.
In the past couple of months, when I worry, my mind just bounces around from the possibility of one catastrophe to another. I''ve been dating the same girl for over three years, and I love her more than I thought I could love anyone; we have plans to marry and openly discuss our future together almost every day. So one day, the thought just popped into my head - "What if I don''t love her?" That troubled me GREATLY because I KNEW that I did, yet for some reason I just couldn''t shake the idea - I felt as if our relationship was being affected (although it wasn''t) because I was being distant and felt as though I was watching our relationship in the third person - acting the way I knew I should act.
My worries shifted - "what if I''m gay?" That was another scary thought, because once again, the consequences involved me not being with my wonderful girl for the rest of my life. It seemed like my worries shifted and escalated even more - for a while I went back to that fear that I might end up killing myself or something - I always hated hearing stories where someone killed themselves - just the idea scared the crap out of me. I dislike scary movies, violent video games, or anything with a lot of violence - I''m afraid that they''ll somehow influence me in negative ways.
Another thing I''ve worried about - a few years ago, when I was driving my whole family down to the shore, and I was terrified that I would run into something and hurt myself and everyone else in the car. I''ve never had any sort of outburst or anything, I''ve never done anything violent in my life, I''ve never lost control of myself, just the fear was there - what if?
Another one of my significant fears has been the following - I saw a commercial for the Saw movies, and the idea popped into my head (and the Shutter Island commercials don''t help either) - what if I were to snap and become some maniacal killer? Needless to say, this is the most catastrophic thing my mind could find to worry about - the idea of harming anyone absolutely appalls me, but the thoughts like "What if I killed this person or that person?" have been clouding my mind, and I absolutely HATE those kind of thoughts. They just don''t fit my personality - I''ve always been a gentle, loving, caring person. I''ve been plagued with scary thoughts - I''m terrified of "thinking like a killer", and these thoughts have been making me so darn anxious that I''m just not myself. Also, I''ve had a few scary dreams that are on the subject and they DO NOT HELP with the way I''ve been feeling.
It seems the longer my anxiety goes on, the wilder my fears become. I''ve worried about becoming possessed by a demon, or more recently becoming schizophrenic. I feel like the more I think about it, the more I actually feel like I''m losing my mind - I fear I could easily slip into a paranoid dilusion. I know people who become schizophrenic aren''t self-aware, but that doesn''t stop me from worrying about it.
When I''m really worried, I feel like I''m in a fog - I don''t do as well at work/school because I''m so preoccupied with worry, and I feel like every single relationship I''m in is effected negatively - I struggle to put up the appearance that I''m feeling normal. Sometimes when I do manage to push the thoughts out of my mind, I''m worried that just the slightest thing will bring them back, so I can''t really relax and focus on myself and my loved ones. I can tell my family and friends that I''m nervous, but I''d rather not really specify about what, because I don''t want them to distrust me. I worry that if I worry about it for long enough, it will desensitize me on the subject, which might cause me to want to do something I''d regret. Just the fact that these thoughts even cross my mind makes me feel like a bad person.
Let me just stress again, I''ve always been a very stable, loving person, I''ve never done anything violent, nor have I ever had the desire to do anything violent. To me, snapping and losing control of myself is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, and obviously that''s why it scares me. I don''t even really worry that I''ll lose control of myself in the near future, its more the fear of the far-off future that scares me.
I''m really starting to open up about this - I talked to my dad about it, and he said that he worried about the same things when he was my age. That helped IMMENSELY. I''m seeing a psychiatrist, who''ll probably be putting me on medication to calm me down in the near future. The more people I talk to, the more I realize that I have the best friends and family in the world, and it helps so much just to get this stuff off my chest. In the past few weeks, I''ve been MUCH calmer than before, but the worries are still there. I feel that I''m getting better, but it always helps to seek reassurance.
Between this forum and the other online pages on the subject (I have a lot of links if anyone wants them), thank God I''ve been able to convince myself that these thoughts are OCD-driven and it gives me a lot of relief to know that there are people out there experiencing the same fears as me. I''ve read that NO ONE has ever acted on these "violent obsessions" and that also provides a little comfort. I''ve been able to relax a little over the past week or two, I just feel a little shaken up by this whole ordeal. Sorry if it was the longest post you''ve ever read...
I''m starting to see that I''ve been letting worry dominate my life. As a little kid, I would always worry about contracting the latest Discovery Channel feature sickness of the week. All I would need to see is the special on the "elephant man" or a show on AIDS, and boom, I''d spend a lot of time worrying about developing the same conditions. As a young, easily distracted kid, these worries never consumed much of my life - I was a pretty darn happy kid.
I guess in retrospect, since my early teen years, I''ve had obsessive, scary thoughts. When I was younger, my fears bounced back and forth from the fear of hurting myself to the fear of hurting a family member - I was terrified that I would sleepwalk and do something I''d regret (I used to be a chronic sleepwalker, I once flooded my entire house by turning on the bathtub faucet, while having no recollection of the event). My early teen years were tough because of these fears I experienced. After middle school, I became slightly more in control of these worries, but still there were days or weeks where I was extremely anxious and unhappy.
I''m 20 now, and maturity has come to me with both benefits and curses. I find that most irrational fears I have, most of the time, I can just shake them off with little impact. I spent a lot of years very happy for the most part, just with occasional spikes of worry. Lately, however, I''ve gotten hit with a particularly strong fit of worry - I believe it was brought on by both a severe stomach issue I had over the summer and the medication that was used to treat it - one of Nexium''s common side effects is nervousness/anxiety. After building nervousness for several months, I decided to switch around my medicines and see a counselor. Luckily, switching the medicines has helped a little, and I believe seeing a counselor will help more.
In the past couple of months, when I worry, my mind just bounces around from the possibility of one catastrophe to another. I''ve been dating the same girl for over three years, and I love her more than I thought I could love anyone; we have plans to marry and openly discuss our future together almost every day. So one day, the thought just popped into my head - "What if I don''t love her?" That troubled me GREATLY because I KNEW that I did, yet for some reason I just couldn''t shake the idea - I felt as if our relationship was being affected (although it wasn''t) because I was being distant and felt as though I was watching our relationship in the third person - acting the way I knew I should act.
My worries shifted - "what if I''m gay?" That was another scary thought, because once again, the consequences involved me not being with my wonderful girl for the rest of my life. It seemed like my worries shifted and escalated even more - for a while I went back to that fear that I might end up killing myself or something - I always hated hearing stories where someone killed themselves - just the idea scared the crap out of me. I dislike scary movies, violent video games, or anything with a lot of violence - I''m afraid that they''ll somehow influence me in negative ways.
Another thing I''ve worried about - a few years ago, when I was driving my whole family down to the shore, and I was terrified that I would run into something and hurt myself and everyone else in the car. I''ve never had any sort of outburst or anything, I''ve never done anything violent in my life, I''ve never lost control of myself, just the fear was there - what if?
Another one of my significant fears has been the following - I saw a commercial for the Saw movies, and the idea popped into my head (and the Shutter Island commercials don''t help either) - what if I were to snap and become some maniacal killer? Needless to say, this is the most catastrophic thing my mind could find to worry about - the idea of harming anyone absolutely appalls me, but the thoughts like "What if I killed this person or that person?" have been clouding my mind, and I absolutely HATE those kind of thoughts. They just don''t fit my personality - I''ve always been a gentle, loving, caring person. I''ve been plagued with scary thoughts - I''m terrified of "thinking like a killer", and these thoughts have been making me so darn anxious that I''m just not myself. Also, I''ve had a few scary dreams that are on the subject and they DO NOT HELP with the way I''ve been feeling.
It seems the longer my anxiety goes on, the wilder my fears become. I''ve worried about becoming possessed by a demon, or more recently becoming schizophrenic. I feel like the more I think about it, the more I actually feel like I''m losing my mind - I fear I could easily slip into a paranoid dilusion. I know people who become schizophrenic aren''t self-aware, but that doesn''t stop me from worrying about it.
When I''m really worried, I feel like I''m in a fog - I don''t do as well at work/school because I''m so preoccupied with worry, and I feel like every single relationship I''m in is effected negatively - I struggle to put up the appearance that I''m feeling normal. Sometimes when I do manage to push the thoughts out of my mind, I''m worried that just the slightest thing will bring them back, so I can''t really relax and focus on myself and my loved ones. I can tell my family and friends that I''m nervous, but I''d rather not really specify about what, because I don''t want them to distrust me. I worry that if I worry about it for long enough, it will desensitize me on the subject, which might cause me to want to do something I''d regret. Just the fact that these thoughts even cross my mind makes me feel like a bad person.
Let me just stress again, I''ve always been a very stable, loving person, I''ve never done anything violent, nor have I ever had the desire to do anything violent. To me, snapping and losing control of myself is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, and obviously that''s why it scares me. I don''t even really worry that I''ll lose control of myself in the near future, its more the fear of the far-off future that scares me.
I''m really starting to open up about this - I talked to my dad about it, and he said that he worried about the same things when he was my age. That helped IMMENSELY. I''m seeing a psychiatrist, who''ll probably be putting me on medication to calm me down in the near future. The more people I talk to, the more I realize that I have the best friends and family in the world, and it helps so much just to get this stuff off my chest. In the past few weeks, I''ve been MUCH calmer than before, but the worries are still there. I feel that I''m getting better, but it always helps to seek reassurance.
Between this forum and the other online pages on the subject (I have a lot of links if anyone wants them), thank God I''ve been able to convince myself that these thoughts are OCD-driven and it gives me a lot of relief to know that there are people out there experiencing the same fears as me. I''ve read that NO ONE has ever acted on these "violent obsessions" and that also provides a little comfort. I''ve been able to relax a little over the past week or two, I just feel a little shaken up by this whole ordeal. Sorry if it was the longest post you''ve ever read...
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First Helper LAMARboarder1555
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I go throught alot of the same stuff you do. Recently, i keep obsessively doubting anything that works to help me and doubting things are real and such. It goes deeper than that but its really tough for me to put down in words. I have to work twice as hard just to calm myself because if i say "These thoughts are nothing real and i shouldnt be afraid of them" then i contradict it with "i should be afraid of them and i dont really know whats wrong with me"...that just scares me even more and then sometime i take a step further and second guess myself by saying "What if that doubt i had wasnt real either". i dont know why it scares me but its really hard to deal with. i know the thoughts are irrational then "what if they arent irrational" then "what if you dont know what your talking about" even go on to an invisible second guess that i dont know how to explain and it makes me even more anxious. like totally dismissing everything i learned on how to deal with this. I havent seen anybody about this but im going soon. This is driving me nuts. Also im afraid to even be happy. Even when i feel a lil ounce of composure or relief, i immediately tell myself that its fake and then that makes me nervous and the cycle starts again. Im really scared of the future like you are. im just waiting for the day that i cant take it anymore...not that i want that day to come
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Boy do I know how you feel. It's like, I know that anxiety builds on itself - I get anxious about something, and then I get anxious about being anxious, wondering if there's something seriously wrong with me. I know exactly how you feel with regard to "waiting for the day that I can't take it anymore" (ugh - I had a hard time typing that). I wouldn't say I'm waiting for it exactly, but I'm afraid that I won't ever get back to my normal self. I can take it now, but what if one day I can't? (I HATE thinking like that - I highly value my life). I know I'm in control now.
Another thing that worries me is the thought of taking medicine to feel better - commercials for antidepressants have those giant warnings about occasionally increasing the occurrence of suicidal thoughts and actions in children, teens and young adults. Obviously, for someone like me, that's a pretty terrifying side effect - although I'm going to share my concerns with doctor, and hopefully he'll be able to walk me through it. If medicine can make me feel normal again, so be it.
My worries can get pretty abstract sometimes too. I would advise seeing a counselor, although have some patience with the process, because it may take time for you to find the right one. I had been seeing one for several weeks, and to make a long story short, she didn't help me feel better at all. I feel like I'm on the road to recovery - and thinking that way makes it feel even more like I'm on that road. It would seem that every time I went in to see her, I would be feeling relatively normal, and then for the few days after our appointment I was feeling anxious. She recently referred me to a psychiatrist who will be able to administer medication if deemed necessary, so maybe seeing a different counselor is for the best.
Although I've been struggling a little bit, I have certainly found things that are helpful.
- Spend time with friends and family. Talk to them about your anxieties. The more people I open up to, the more I realize almost everyone can empathize with my situation. Doing so also helps me realize how many people there are out there that care deeply about me.
- Go out and do fun things. There's no such thing as "artificial" fun, no matter how much you worry that there is. If you're anything like me, if you're out doing something you enjoy, whether or not you're anxious, you're still going to be happier and more relaxed than if you were sitting at home, boiling in your own anxiety.
- Know that this is a temporary phase and it will pass. Have you felt this anxious/depressed all your life? I certainly haven't. I've had my bumps in the road, but who hasn't? This is just another bump - it will pass. I believe I'm going through this for a reason. I feel that its bringing me closer to God, because I'm turning to Him for guidance. I also know that, once I'm through this, I'll be able to help people with similar problems through them. Anxiety is just anxiety. It isn't productive, but it isn't malicious. It certainly won't help you enjoy life, but it can't drive you crazy or make you do something you'll regret. Hang in there, we'll both get over it.
I guess knowing those things is what has helped me to have those (relatively) good days mixed in with the bad days. Even typing that all out has made me feel better. I still do have bad days, so if anybody has any words of encouragement or if anybody can empathize, let me know.
Another thing that worries me is the thought of taking medicine to feel better - commercials for antidepressants have those giant warnings about occasionally increasing the occurrence of suicidal thoughts and actions in children, teens and young adults. Obviously, for someone like me, that's a pretty terrifying side effect - although I'm going to share my concerns with doctor, and hopefully he'll be able to walk me through it. If medicine can make me feel normal again, so be it.
My worries can get pretty abstract sometimes too. I would advise seeing a counselor, although have some patience with the process, because it may take time for you to find the right one. I had been seeing one for several weeks, and to make a long story short, she didn't help me feel better at all. I feel like I'm on the road to recovery - and thinking that way makes it feel even more like I'm on that road. It would seem that every time I went in to see her, I would be feeling relatively normal, and then for the few days after our appointment I was feeling anxious. She recently referred me to a psychiatrist who will be able to administer medication if deemed necessary, so maybe seeing a different counselor is for the best.
Although I've been struggling a little bit, I have certainly found things that are helpful.
- Spend time with friends and family. Talk to them about your anxieties. The more people I open up to, the more I realize almost everyone can empathize with my situation. Doing so also helps me realize how many people there are out there that care deeply about me.
- Go out and do fun things. There's no such thing as "artificial" fun, no matter how much you worry that there is. If you're anything like me, if you're out doing something you enjoy, whether or not you're anxious, you're still going to be happier and more relaxed than if you were sitting at home, boiling in your own anxiety.
- Know that this is a temporary phase and it will pass. Have you felt this anxious/depressed all your life? I certainly haven't. I've had my bumps in the road, but who hasn't? This is just another bump - it will pass. I believe I'm going through this for a reason. I feel that its bringing me closer to God, because I'm turning to Him for guidance. I also know that, once I'm through this, I'll be able to help people with similar problems through them. Anxiety is just anxiety. It isn't productive, but it isn't malicious. It certainly won't help you enjoy life, but it can't drive you crazy or make you do something you'll regret. Hang in there, we'll both get over it.
I guess knowing those things is what has helped me to have those (relatively) good days mixed in with the bad days. Even typing that all out has made me feel better. I still do have bad days, so if anybody has any words of encouragement or if anybody can empathize, let me know.
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Same exact pain
Hey, my name is Jamie... let me just start of by telling you that by reading your post, I came to tears... it was like reading my own story...every single detail. I feel like im in a living hell... sometimes I''m able to shake the bad thoughts off for a small amount of time but then I remind myself that I am going to be crazy and sad later. My story is like this....
Over the past two years I have went through alot, I became pregnant as a junior in high school. So when i was four months prego, my boyfriend was sent to jail and then prison and now work release. I had the baby, worked my butt off to graduate, and went to college right after graduation. I don''t know if all these things lead me to what is today but I think it defenitley has something to do with it. A few months after my daughter was born, I noticed that when she would be sound asleep, I would have this very nervous and anxious feeling, and I would tell myself what if I hurt her and everyone else in my house. This thought scared the hell out of me. I was able to shake this off with no problem. I had the same feeling and thought again months after, which scared me very bad and from that moment, I promised myslef that I would never think that again in my life.
So I went on and didn''t have any problems for a while. Then I got the new birth control called the IMPLANON in my arm. About a week or two I had it inserted, I noticed I was very anxious to the point where I felt like I had a fire burning inside of me. I was very deathly feeling. I wanted to die because I would watch the news and see the stories about the crazy mom''s who killed their babies or kids, and it stuck with me... it bothered me so bad I would cry, not because it scared me from watching it but because I was so sad to think of what the kids had went through. Well it stuck with me and I wold lay next to my little girl and almost turn those scenarios into something that didn''t happen to me. It''s like I had to blame myself for what happend to those poor children. I would imagine the scariest stuff you could imagine. I love my daughter with all my heart and I honestly don''t know what I would do without her. It just seems like ever since I got depression I use the people I love and target them with my bad thoughts and scare myself. Some thing as simple as standing next to my dad, who is by the way a very uptight person. I would think what if I just punched him in the face right now what would he do or if I just pulled the crap out of his hair. The pain I felt after these feelings was so overwhelming to the point I felt dizzy and lightheaded.
My grandma and I drive to Peoria everyweekend to pick up my boyfriend, and ever since I have had depression, while I''m driving I think what if I just flipped the car and killed everyone in the car... it''s so hard to let all this out I talk to some of my family members about it and it helps a little but they can''t completely understand because they havent went through it. My grandma has helped alot though, she had post-pardum depression sfter she had my mom and she actually stayed in the hospital for a while.She helps me greatly because she understands alot of what I''m going through and I look at her as my rock and put all of my hope into her because she has made through depression. It''s kind of like putting a puzzle together with depression, but if you step away from the incomplete puzzle you could lose a piece. She helped me understand that when you have depression you come up with fears for yourself, and you think of things to punish yourself from the self hate. SHe told me one thing that helped her was to keep her mind very busy, no matter what it is. ever since I can remember, she has been a hummer she don''t even know when she''s humming it just happens. I think this may have been her mind silencer.
I went to the hospital one time shortly after I had the implanon inserted because my doctor asked me if I felt suicidal and I told him the truth. Of course at the hospital I was scared and I woulden''t tell them anything and I lied to them because I coulden''t imagine a night without being with my babygirl. So I got out of there and didn''t feel any better. I got prescribed to Lexipro 10 mg,, it''s helped for the most part but I still have very bad days.
My life seems more like a struggle than anything, I constantly remind myself of the things I don''t want to think of just so I can hurt. The commercials on TV scare me as well, I would scurry for the remote when the shutter island preview would come one or any other bloody killer movie... I think the movies refer to me and I am supposed to be a bad person. I know I''m not I want to have a good life, but all these things are constantly bringing me down, I have recently been doing great and ever since a few days ago at work when a few of the girls I work with started talking about women killing their children. I played it off cool but I went home that night and layed in bed and just slept and had no desire to get out of bed. I am so scared that one day I''m not going to be able to take it anymore and will end up killing myself.. I don''t want it to be that way I just want to live and be the best mom i can be I love everone around me so much, its like i feed off the love to hurt myself? make sense?
I also went through that phase when I was so afraid to go to sleep because I thought I would sleepwalk and kill somebody in my house, so i would not be able to sleep. I would stay up and babysit myslef. Even though I know I would never hurt anybody, hell I have a hard time hurting bugs. I just don''t get it I wish this never happened to me and I feel like I''m not ever going to live a normal life like everone else because of this sh*t. I absolutely hate it. But the thing I have realized is that I address what I''m thinking and it helps. Pay attention to what your thoughts are and go into depth with them and ask yourself... Would I actually do that??? the answer is more than likely no. So then you realize that your just in it for the self pain caused by it.
Anyways I''m going to quit yapping now because I could probably go on forever, but I would love to talk to either of you I''m not a freak or anything I just think if two people who have the same problem work with eachother, it could really help. "This to shall pass", my mom told me that.
Juat reply to me if you want to talk.
Over the past two years I have went through alot, I became pregnant as a junior in high school. So when i was four months prego, my boyfriend was sent to jail and then prison and now work release. I had the baby, worked my butt off to graduate, and went to college right after graduation. I don''t know if all these things lead me to what is today but I think it defenitley has something to do with it. A few months after my daughter was born, I noticed that when she would be sound asleep, I would have this very nervous and anxious feeling, and I would tell myself what if I hurt her and everyone else in my house. This thought scared the hell out of me. I was able to shake this off with no problem. I had the same feeling and thought again months after, which scared me very bad and from that moment, I promised myslef that I would never think that again in my life.
So I went on and didn''t have any problems for a while. Then I got the new birth control called the IMPLANON in my arm. About a week or two I had it inserted, I noticed I was very anxious to the point where I felt like I had a fire burning inside of me. I was very deathly feeling. I wanted to die because I would watch the news and see the stories about the crazy mom''s who killed their babies or kids, and it stuck with me... it bothered me so bad I would cry, not because it scared me from watching it but because I was so sad to think of what the kids had went through. Well it stuck with me and I wold lay next to my little girl and almost turn those scenarios into something that didn''t happen to me. It''s like I had to blame myself for what happend to those poor children. I would imagine the scariest stuff you could imagine. I love my daughter with all my heart and I honestly don''t know what I would do without her. It just seems like ever since I got depression I use the people I love and target them with my bad thoughts and scare myself. Some thing as simple as standing next to my dad, who is by the way a very uptight person. I would think what if I just punched him in the face right now what would he do or if I just pulled the crap out of his hair. The pain I felt after these feelings was so overwhelming to the point I felt dizzy and lightheaded.
My grandma and I drive to Peoria everyweekend to pick up my boyfriend, and ever since I have had depression, while I''m driving I think what if I just flipped the car and killed everyone in the car... it''s so hard to let all this out I talk to some of my family members about it and it helps a little but they can''t completely understand because they havent went through it. My grandma has helped alot though, she had post-pardum depression sfter she had my mom and she actually stayed in the hospital for a while.She helps me greatly because she understands alot of what I''m going through and I look at her as my rock and put all of my hope into her because she has made through depression. It''s kind of like putting a puzzle together with depression, but if you step away from the incomplete puzzle you could lose a piece. She helped me understand that when you have depression you come up with fears for yourself, and you think of things to punish yourself from the self hate. SHe told me one thing that helped her was to keep her mind very busy, no matter what it is. ever since I can remember, she has been a hummer she don''t even know when she''s humming it just happens. I think this may have been her mind silencer.
I went to the hospital one time shortly after I had the implanon inserted because my doctor asked me if I felt suicidal and I told him the truth. Of course at the hospital I was scared and I woulden''t tell them anything and I lied to them because I coulden''t imagine a night without being with my babygirl. So I got out of there and didn''t feel any better. I got prescribed to Lexipro 10 mg,, it''s helped for the most part but I still have very bad days.
My life seems more like a struggle than anything, I constantly remind myself of the things I don''t want to think of just so I can hurt. The commercials on TV scare me as well, I would scurry for the remote when the shutter island preview would come one or any other bloody killer movie... I think the movies refer to me and I am supposed to be a bad person. I know I''m not I want to have a good life, but all these things are constantly bringing me down, I have recently been doing great and ever since a few days ago at work when a few of the girls I work with started talking about women killing their children. I played it off cool but I went home that night and layed in bed and just slept and had no desire to get out of bed. I am so scared that one day I''m not going to be able to take it anymore and will end up killing myself.. I don''t want it to be that way I just want to live and be the best mom i can be I love everone around me so much, its like i feed off the love to hurt myself? make sense?
I also went through that phase when I was so afraid to go to sleep because I thought I would sleepwalk and kill somebody in my house, so i would not be able to sleep. I would stay up and babysit myslef. Even though I know I would never hurt anybody, hell I have a hard time hurting bugs. I just don''t get it I wish this never happened to me and I feel like I''m not ever going to live a normal life like everone else because of this sh*t. I absolutely hate it. But the thing I have realized is that I address what I''m thinking and it helps. Pay attention to what your thoughts are and go into depth with them and ask yourself... Would I actually do that??? the answer is more than likely no. So then you realize that your just in it for the self pain caused by it.
Anyways I''m going to quit yapping now because I could probably go on forever, but I would love to talk to either of you I''m not a freak or anything I just think if two people who have the same problem work with eachother, it could really help. "This to shall pass", my mom told me that.
Juat reply to me if you want to talk.
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I definitely feel your pain, Jamie. I kind of feel like I made new friends here too. While I hate to see that other people are dealing with the same kind of crap I am, it's also really nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I'm sorry to hear my posts brought you to tears, although if you're anything like me, I'll bet you were just happy to find that you're not alone in this. You're definitely not, you can always talk to me about it - I'm always near my computer, so I can usually reply to things pretty quickly. It helps me to help other people - every single day I'm finding something new, some new idea or action that helps me to feel better. I can share those, and when you find things that help you, hopefully you can do the same.
As far as I go, I've been feeling significantly better lately, but obviously still not quite perfect. I've been sleeping a lot better, but I've also given up coffee which kind of sucks. I feel like the caffeine was contributing to my anxiety, but now I just find myself sleepy all the time and unable to focus as well as I had in the past. Like I said in previous posts, one of my persistent anxieties has been worrying about becoming schizophrenic, and while I know its not the cause of this fatigue and inability to focus, still the thought crosses my mind, making me wonder if I'm just losing my mind. Also, I've been noticing little things out of the corner of my eyes, like a speck of light or a black spot or something, and I notice these things and wonder if I'm hallucinating (although I know these are normal vision abnormalities). Worries about these things have been really subdued for me lately, because I've really gotten a handle on my anxiety.
Hang in there, we can get through this together. One day, this'll just be a little footnote on the story of your life.
As far as I go, I've been feeling significantly better lately, but obviously still not quite perfect. I've been sleeping a lot better, but I've also given up coffee which kind of sucks. I feel like the caffeine was contributing to my anxiety, but now I just find myself sleepy all the time and unable to focus as well as I had in the past. Like I said in previous posts, one of my persistent anxieties has been worrying about becoming schizophrenic, and while I know its not the cause of this fatigue and inability to focus, still the thought crosses my mind, making me wonder if I'm just losing my mind. Also, I've been noticing little things out of the corner of my eyes, like a speck of light or a black spot or something, and I notice these things and wonder if I'm hallucinating (although I know these are normal vision abnormalities). Worries about these things have been really subdued for me lately, because I've really gotten a handle on my anxiety.
Hang in there, we can get through this together. One day, this'll just be a little footnote on the story of your life.
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Hey
Yea for sure... I feel alot better to I am able to control the things that pop in my head alot better. I have the same fear of becoming schizophrenic... but in reality I know I wont it''s just another thing that we are making ourselves worry about, I think the reason we settle on the schizophrenic deal is because we have our good days and bad days, so when we get the bad days.. we think "great here comes the other side". You know? Your post didn''t make me cry because of anything you said it was just so comforting. I don''t know you but I am so greatful to get to talk to you. Although we are getting better we should defenitley stay in contact to keep pushing eachother through whatever we may encounter. It feels so good to hear that this is going to go away one day.
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Hi everyone, I figured I'd bring this post back for a little update. After this, I really got A LOT better, and had an awesome summer. I had VERY little anxiety the whole time. However, over the past week or so, I've been relatively anxious again. Not nearly as bad, but probably a 3/10, which still irritates me and makes things feel not quite right. How is everybody doing that posted here earlier?
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Oh my goodness, this post has helped me so much in dealing with my OCD! It feels like such a relief to know that there are people out there that fear the same dumb things I do!
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The Way to Eliminate the Mirror Anxiety is
I just want to say I know exactly how you are all feeling. I literally banished anxiety from my life this way:
A) Never ever believe anxiety! It is all normal thoughts that everyone has we are just extra-sensitive!
B) Search for other solutions other than just modern day medicine. Remember they are not perfect, and clinical psychology is just as much theory as spiritual healing. So, because everyone helps themselves in different ways try different things.
C) Literally challenge yourself. Any irrational fear is exactly that, "in-computable to your perception". You are not capable of any of these actions or thoughts, for they are figments of the mind.
D) Notice as you read all this you become less anxious with a bit of relief and then you're anxiety designs another thought to be afraid of:
- Original fear(hypothetical; and previous to reading this): Developing severe mental illness
- Relief in knowing others feel this way or think the same thoughts and embellish them. Feeling better.
- Within seconds the thought returns. "Well, what if I still have a mental illness because----" or "Mine might be unnoticeable!" or "I experience things differently (or slightly different) and therefore I am ill!"
E) Alright. So, you're scared. PETRIFIED! Literally so deep in your fears you might be plagued with thoughts right now while reading this. You might be foggy-headed and re-reading these sentences because you can't concentrate. But it will not last because your mind is equipped to fix itself!
F) You are not ill! Not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually! You are modified behaviorally by outside stimuli affected and embellished by internal stimuli. We are human beings, we have the emotion FEAR and we all feel it. People who are truly sick do not feel fear or disturbing thoughts like us, always, always remember this!
G) You can and will get better! I don't mean like temporary or short-term relief, I mean you will be able to develop techniques that can avert your thoughts like me.
H) Now I am going to assign practices for you to 100% actually do! AND DO THEM! FIGHT THE FEAR OFFENSIVELY!
1) You need to sit with your anxiety alone. All alone. Try and oh so try to let it take you into the darkest realm there could ever be. Be open to it. Let it flow in. You and I know anxiety is not simply something that is easily stopped...we've tried so many things. But remember it's inside you not outside you. Let it flow in and run it's course being open to the idea it could get SO BAD. You have to honestly try to feel the worst. Now, you'll notice it's not as bad as you thought. You felt the same way hundreds of times before. It's all just a memory and a reflection to the first day you felt this anxiety.
Meditate on this, however you can in you're own way. Sit quietly.
2) Best tool ever: Use BLOCK! This technique will reverse you're reactions. Instead of getting thoughts first and then symptoms you will get the adrenaline first without thoughts causing it. Which likely sounds pointless, but it is so much easier to initiate the next step.
(Note: During this exercise you will get scary thoughts ABOUT scary thoughts. You will worry about this not working. You will worry about all the things that will pull you into anxiety. This is normal and is just a part of your anxiety, obviously right?)
Sit and close your eyes when you get anxious (whenever you can, preferably alone in your comfort zone.) and feel the thoughts you experience as they run faster than your conscious ability to filter and rationalize them.
Flood your thoughts with conscious thoughts about anything and everything. They will all be good or neutral thoughts. During this your subconcious will still be relaying anxiety to your attention but continue to flood it. Do not think of the meaning of the words your anxiety is trying to define. Anxiety lives and thrives on language, because that is how you react through memory (and knowledge of the definition.) You must not embellish on a thought as if it is a fresh one because whether you've realized it or not you've already thought of them all before! Do this over and over again only stopping when you become exhausted or overwhelmed by thoughts. Eventually, you will be able to naturally BLOCK out the thoughts. GUARANTEED I promise you with all my heart and soul. *Notice: You will feel better in the process and you will feel actual progress that you've never yet experienced or thought you could.
Now, know that you must do this habitually and like any skill it gets better through practice you just have to pull through with this.
3) Embellish fun and happiness. Despite what anxiety tells you to do you HAVE to do the opposite. If you want to cut yourself a slice of bread but you think "What if I use the knife and..." you have to face it and get some damn bread. Nothing will happen, it's just a thought. Thinking "What if I make myself poor?" will not make you poor. Being and accepting anxiety only creates anxiety by nature; this is all obvious. But it's deeper than that. It's a natural law. Being happy causes future happiness(or the ability to accept happiness)and being anxious causes future fear (or the ability to accept fear.) Fear is a temporary state of mind and is perpetuated by being ignorant to the fact that it is "Just Anxiety". That's the whole reason we fear, because we keep focusing on the random fires of bad thoughts by reacting emotionally instead of dismissing them as just the natural analytical side of our brain. Everyone thinks our thoughts whether they are aware or not, we are just more aware because of whatever conditioned us to be so.
Practice, practice, and practice! It is a skill and it is a mold-able problem. Problem...like alcohol or drugs, it's all fixable and totally just self-induced.
I hope that this completely and utterly alleviates your mind and although it likely will only insight more doubts you must disregard it in the same way I advised.
Let this conclude:
The first anxiety attack was a mirror before you. And the next attack was set on by fearing experiencing it again, which becomes another mirror across from the first. And now when you look in you're staring through the long and dark corridors of reflection that constantly throw new angles and perspectives (your resilient anxious thoughts). But by doing these practices you will learn to refocus and see your reflection (the real world) and ignore the dark cycle of never ending angles and perspectives.
I hope with all my heart for success for all of you.
Facebook me,
Jorden Eric Wagner
Prince Edward Island, Canada
A) Never ever believe anxiety! It is all normal thoughts that everyone has we are just extra-sensitive!
B) Search for other solutions other than just modern day medicine. Remember they are not perfect, and clinical psychology is just as much theory as spiritual healing. So, because everyone helps themselves in different ways try different things.
C) Literally challenge yourself. Any irrational fear is exactly that, "in-computable to your perception". You are not capable of any of these actions or thoughts, for they are figments of the mind.
D) Notice as you read all this you become less anxious with a bit of relief and then you're anxiety designs another thought to be afraid of:
- Original fear(hypothetical; and previous to reading this): Developing severe mental illness
- Relief in knowing others feel this way or think the same thoughts and embellish them. Feeling better.
- Within seconds the thought returns. "Well, what if I still have a mental illness because----" or "Mine might be unnoticeable!" or "I experience things differently (or slightly different) and therefore I am ill!"
E) Alright. So, you're scared. PETRIFIED! Literally so deep in your fears you might be plagued with thoughts right now while reading this. You might be foggy-headed and re-reading these sentences because you can't concentrate. But it will not last because your mind is equipped to fix itself!
F) You are not ill! Not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually! You are modified behaviorally by outside stimuli affected and embellished by internal stimuli. We are human beings, we have the emotion FEAR and we all feel it. People who are truly sick do not feel fear or disturbing thoughts like us, always, always remember this!
G) You can and will get better! I don't mean like temporary or short-term relief, I mean you will be able to develop techniques that can avert your thoughts like me.
H) Now I am going to assign practices for you to 100% actually do! AND DO THEM! FIGHT THE FEAR OFFENSIVELY!
1) You need to sit with your anxiety alone. All alone. Try and oh so try to let it take you into the darkest realm there could ever be. Be open to it. Let it flow in. You and I know anxiety is not simply something that is easily stopped...we've tried so many things. But remember it's inside you not outside you. Let it flow in and run it's course being open to the idea it could get SO BAD. You have to honestly try to feel the worst. Now, you'll notice it's not as bad as you thought. You felt the same way hundreds of times before. It's all just a memory and a reflection to the first day you felt this anxiety.
Meditate on this, however you can in you're own way. Sit quietly.
2) Best tool ever: Use BLOCK! This technique will reverse you're reactions. Instead of getting thoughts first and then symptoms you will get the adrenaline first without thoughts causing it. Which likely sounds pointless, but it is so much easier to initiate the next step.
(Note: During this exercise you will get scary thoughts ABOUT scary thoughts. You will worry about this not working. You will worry about all the things that will pull you into anxiety. This is normal and is just a part of your anxiety, obviously right?)
Sit and close your eyes when you get anxious (whenever you can, preferably alone in your comfort zone.) and feel the thoughts you experience as they run faster than your conscious ability to filter and rationalize them.
Flood your thoughts with conscious thoughts about anything and everything. They will all be good or neutral thoughts. During this your subconcious will still be relaying anxiety to your attention but continue to flood it. Do not think of the meaning of the words your anxiety is trying to define. Anxiety lives and thrives on language, because that is how you react through memory (and knowledge of the definition.) You must not embellish on a thought as if it is a fresh one because whether you've realized it or not you've already thought of them all before! Do this over and over again only stopping when you become exhausted or overwhelmed by thoughts. Eventually, you will be able to naturally BLOCK out the thoughts. GUARANTEED I promise you with all my heart and soul. *Notice: You will feel better in the process and you will feel actual progress that you've never yet experienced or thought you could.
Now, know that you must do this habitually and like any skill it gets better through practice you just have to pull through with this.
3) Embellish fun and happiness. Despite what anxiety tells you to do you HAVE to do the opposite. If you want to cut yourself a slice of bread but you think "What if I use the knife and..." you have to face it and get some damn bread. Nothing will happen, it's just a thought. Thinking "What if I make myself poor?" will not make you poor. Being and accepting anxiety only creates anxiety by nature; this is all obvious. But it's deeper than that. It's a natural law. Being happy causes future happiness(or the ability to accept happiness)and being anxious causes future fear (or the ability to accept fear.) Fear is a temporary state of mind and is perpetuated by being ignorant to the fact that it is "Just Anxiety". That's the whole reason we fear, because we keep focusing on the random fires of bad thoughts by reacting emotionally instead of dismissing them as just the natural analytical side of our brain. Everyone thinks our thoughts whether they are aware or not, we are just more aware because of whatever conditioned us to be so.
Practice, practice, and practice! It is a skill and it is a mold-able problem. Problem...like alcohol or drugs, it's all fixable and totally just self-induced.
I hope that this completely and utterly alleviates your mind and although it likely will only insight more doubts you must disregard it in the same way I advised.
Let this conclude:
The first anxiety attack was a mirror before you. And the next attack was set on by fearing experiencing it again, which becomes another mirror across from the first. And now when you look in you're staring through the long and dark corridors of reflection that constantly throw new angles and perspectives (your resilient anxious thoughts). But by doing these practices you will learn to refocus and see your reflection (the real world) and ignore the dark cycle of never ending angles and perspectives.
I hope with all my heart for success for all of you.
Facebook me,
Jorden Eric Wagner
Prince Edward Island, Canada
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Thanks for the words of wisdom! Lately, my biggest worry has been, believe it or not, worrying about worrying. I'm anxious that I'm never going to feel good again. I hate the idea of having to deal with what might be OCD. I realize that I don't exhibit a ton of OCD symptoms, so I'm hoping that maybe I just have some anxiety issues that can be sorted out with therapy and medication. I'm anxious that anxieties will get the best of me cause me to lose control of myself. I've learned a lot about my mind in the past year or so, and many times I'm fully capable of noticing my anxious thoughts, acknowledging that they're irrational, and letting them pass without any anxiety. However, there are those times where I just can't seem to stop worrying. I know what I fear is irrational, especially the worrying about worrying. That is anxiety caused by itself, which I realize is ridiculous.
Honestly, not to be boastful, but I consider myself a very intelligent and logical person, so I feel like I have a better understanding of my mind than many people do. Often, I feel like I'm one epiphany away from coming to terms with the stupid nature of my anxiety and putting it behind me forever. Anxiety is tricky, however. I know that the more I search for that epiphany, the more I'm dwelling on my anxieties rather than letting them be. During my times of worry (not all the time), when I find relative comfort over one subject, another rears its ugly head.
I've definitely had a lot of happiness in my life, and I absolutely want to get back to it. I'm lined up to see a Psychologist who has a good track record with OCD/anxiety on the 23rd, and I've picked up a self-help book (which actually sort of convinced myself that if I do have OCD, it's mild). I just hate the idea of not living up to the full potential of what I can be, and what God wants me to be. I just can't wait to get back to happiness. This summer was fantastic for me. I got on a regular exercise regimen (which I'm sure helped with the anxiety), stress was low because I was only taking one class at night a few days a week, and life was good. I had a few worries regarding my relationship, but overall, I was so happy. Now that school started back up, and I switched to a more rigorous college, the anxiety is back. I've been having (relatively) good days and a few bad days; I just can't wait to get back to having almost all good days. I really appreciate your helpful words, and I just sent a Facebook friend request! (AJ Harnak). If anybody else wants to talk, feel free to look me up on Facebook. Despite the fact that I've struggled with anxiety, I've still learned more than enough to help out a new friend who's experiencing what I am!
Honestly, not to be boastful, but I consider myself a very intelligent and logical person, so I feel like I have a better understanding of my mind than many people do. Often, I feel like I'm one epiphany away from coming to terms with the stupid nature of my anxiety and putting it behind me forever. Anxiety is tricky, however. I know that the more I search for that epiphany, the more I'm dwelling on my anxieties rather than letting them be. During my times of worry (not all the time), when I find relative comfort over one subject, another rears its ugly head.
I've definitely had a lot of happiness in my life, and I absolutely want to get back to it. I'm lined up to see a Psychologist who has a good track record with OCD/anxiety on the 23rd, and I've picked up a self-help book (which actually sort of convinced myself that if I do have OCD, it's mild). I just hate the idea of not living up to the full potential of what I can be, and what God wants me to be. I just can't wait to get back to happiness. This summer was fantastic for me. I got on a regular exercise regimen (which I'm sure helped with the anxiety), stress was low because I was only taking one class at night a few days a week, and life was good. I had a few worries regarding my relationship, but overall, I was so happy. Now that school started back up, and I switched to a more rigorous college, the anxiety is back. I've been having (relatively) good days and a few bad days; I just can't wait to get back to having almost all good days. I really appreciate your helpful words, and I just sent a Facebook friend request! (AJ Harnak). If anybody else wants to talk, feel free to look me up on Facebook. Despite the fact that I've struggled with anxiety, I've still learned more than enough to help out a new friend who's experiencing what I am!
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This thread has made me so happy. I too suffer from these thoughts and I'm afraid that they will never end. The strange this is that I don't think I really believe the thoughts, but they persist relentlessly. I can't even work right now because I'm in so much pain internally. I'm a panic attack sufferer and I've been anxiety-free for years. For some reason the thoughts and anxiety resurfaced in the last month. I thought I was getting them under control and it was just another anxiety "phase", but I read about a reputable writer and psychiatrist that believes in demonic possession. Now I'm afraid that my anxiety can't be controlled because I'm possessed or some other supernatural force is the cause. I don't even believe in traditional demons!!!! I know this can't be true, but my intellect is being over ruled by irrationality. Is this OCD?
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I can't even explain how much your story relates to mine. My mom showed it to me, and she even asked if I wrote it. I've also been having derealization and depersonalization....It's horrible, and it makes me feel like I'm not even real, and that i'm not all here. I also have OCD thoughts of the world, creation, and why humans look the way we do. I've always been a very strong christian, but lately it has been dwindiling because I have all these things wrong with me. Anxiety, Depression, OCD thoughts, Depersonalization, and Derealization. I'm going to a psychiatrist soon to be put on medication, which is really hard for me to do. I recently swore into the Air Force and being put on medicine with completely shut this dream down (for now). It sucks so much, because it's something I was soooo bad, but I finally came to the conclusion that my mental health needs to be stable first. ....anyways, thank you for this post! If anyone needs help or wants to talk about this problem.
Everything will be okay!
Everything will be okay!
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BAD THOUGHT OCD
Daughter 15, started several years ago mixed with massive anxiety. On homeopathic meds. She had been on reg meds but was overdosed and it terrified now to try again. Anyone know a forum where i can talk to others about BAD THOUGHT OCD/ANXIETY and get some help for my daughter. She is in virtual school, rarely leaves the home and very depressed. We have tried over 16 shrinks. she has been labeled everything under the sun, but the thing is no one ever gives us REAL: help to conquer this. Please advice my baby is living a nightmare and cant take much more.
Thank you
Dee
Daughter 15, started several years ago mixed with massive anxiety. On homeopathic meds. She had been on reg meds but was overdosed and it terrified now to try again. Anyone know a forum where i can talk to others about BAD THOUGHT OCD/ANXIETY and get some help for my daughter. She is in virtual school, rarely leaves the home and very depressed. We have tried over 16 shrinks. she has been labeled everything under the sun, but the thing is no one ever gives us REAL: help to conquer this. Please advice my baby is living a nightmare and cant take much more.
Thank you
Dee
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| Tags: ocd, Anxiety, Depression, anxiety and stress, appearance, medication, stomach, hearing, chronic, Stress | ||
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