So im gonna try to describe whats wrong with me as best as i can. I dont know whats wrong with me and would like some input. I have these thoughts that feel self induced about me doubting everything. I mean Everything. its really depressing. If i feel happy for a moment then i start telling myself that what if it doesnt last and i start to worry. i doubt things like if i was to read a story about a good moral lesson to learn i would start thinking, "But what if thats not a good moral, what if nothing is as it seems and what if everything that should be absolute like right and wrong isnt right or wrong." If i start doing something i enjoy i think, "What if i wont enjoy this one day or what if this is just some sick delusion of what i really enjoy." I might think its ocd but i never really knew if ocd was self induced or not. by self induced i mean like ill be doing something and then i become aware that im not thinking anything bad then i start making myself think these thoughts. its really making me anxious and depressed. Giving me major headahes and dizziness. I havent been to the doc about this so i would just like someone to tell me what this is or if im losing my mind or if i really believe those things but cant accept it. im 19 and i feel like i cant enjoy things because of these thoughts. thats the best i could do. just please someone help me figure out whats wrong and how to stop it
i should probably add, after thinking about it, that i feel as though i believe some of the things i obsess over but i dont wan to believe them. I also obsess over that maybe i dont have anything and im driving myself mad or something. i feel as though im the one causing this and making myself think these thoughts. Even if someone tells me a technique to stop it or i read up on something it comes back. i start telling myself, "That doesnt work and the only way i can stop it is to get amnesia somehow". I feel that its like a habit now. As soon as i think positive on something, i feel the need to contradict it someway. I really dont see how i can get out of this if i keep contradicting positive thoughts about reality with negative ones and actually believe them. Another question i have is...Is it possible with enough effort to make yourself lose your mind? I think that since there are positive ways to train your mind into thinking the right way then there must be a way into tricking yourself into thinking bad right? An example would be that im a nice guy. i see a homeless person on the side of the freeway holding a sign saying hes hungry. Initial thought and feeling is to give him money or buy him some food because i feel bad about it. Then the thought would come in, "But what if you dont feel this way? What if i didnt feel anything as i read that." which i dont want to do. I dont want to train myself to be a bad person, or what my perception of a bad person is. You see what im getting at? If i believe these unwanted thoughts that i feel im creating couldn't i make myself lose my mind or something. Im asking because i dont want to go overboard one day and just have one obsessive belief and doubt leading to another more intense one and never returning to way i use to be. Please Someone just tell me something about what this is.
Please im becoming severely delusional. its unconditional so that means it happens regardless of where i am or what im doing. im beginning to become deathly afraid of my mind. i feel like i know too much. im becoming suicidal. i feel no need to live because i feel like nothing in this world is as it seems and that ive ulocked my brain somehow and nobody else has. i feel like im restructuring my mind to a way i dont like. i don't see how im gonna get out of this. ive never heard or read of anything thats like this. please somebody help me. theres no pleasure in anything i do for my brain tells me that its fake and im just imagining that i enjoy it. i just really need some help. im afraid of whats going to happen.
Relax, buddy, take a deep breath. This is a temporary patch of anxiety. See a psychiatrist - he can help you calm down, bringing you back into your right mind. I'm going through the same type of thing - I question a lot of things - "Did that really just happen?" "Did anyone else hear that noise?" etc. You'll be okay, you'll pull out of this. Anxiety builds upon itself - thoughts are just thoughts - they're nothing more. Your thoughts are going to come and go - this is something I've learned in recent times - just realize that just because a thought crosses your mind doesn't mean its true. Just relax, take a deep breath, and call your family doctor. Your family doctor will refer you to a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist (who will certainly have dealt with cases like yours many times) will get you the proper medication and/or therapy to get you feeling normal again.
An interesting, uplifting tidbit of information - according to the counselor my girlfriend sees, people our age (I'm 20) are extremely susceptible to anxiety/depression while the brain is developing. The good news - we grow out of it (usually by age 26). Take a look around these forums - how many comments of this nature do you see being posted by people older than 26? I haven't seen very many. Until then, both of us are just going to have to accept the help of medication and/or therapy. It won't be quick, but it'll be effective. You'll be alright, and feel free to PM me if you wish.