Hello, all.

*I apologise for the huge post - please read with patience. I truly appreciate advice.*

I'm 21 years old, and recently (about 3 months ago) entered my first relationship with a girl of the same age. I was a virgin before her, but she has had a few previous sexual partners.

This didn't bother me at the time, and I am still not one of "those guys" who has an obsession with finding a "pure" or virginial girl, however after being with my girlfriend for so long, some issues arose which have made me feel insecure about our relationship.

I should mention this is a long-distance relationship, and we currently can't see each other for several months. I imagine this is only compounding my worries, and giving me more time to simply worry instead of taking action. Please bear this in mind.

I have anxiety disorder, which translates into me _always_ worrying about things I shouldn't, and so after some time with her, bad thoughts began to creep into my mind. I asked her questions about her past boyfriends, and her past sexual experiences in great detail. One of her past relationships lasted for years. She tells me that she was never truly in love before finding me, and emotionally, everything feels so much stronger and better with me than with any of these other guys.

However, after I pressed her about her sexual experiences, she admitted that she has had better sex with one of her previous partners. She is quick to comfort me about this, since I was very recently a virgin and have had zero experience with any women before, and only a few months' experience with her. She also tells me that it took her about a year to have her first orgasm with a partner, and even over the course of the next several years, she has had less orgasms than she can count with two hands. However this doesn't seem to satisfy me - I find that I'm now constantly tearing myself up inside because of this, and worry so much about her being dis-satisfied with me, or thinking of her ex-lover.

So this is the main issue: I'm thinking _far_ too much about her being pleasured by her ex lover. I have never given her an orgasm, whereas he has. This idea, or vision, of my girlfriend being pleasured by this guy fills me with real sickness and anger. I can't stop the images in my head - my girlfriend, whom I dearly love, in ecstacy on top of someone else... or her being manhandled by him, or even writhing in pleasure from his fingers or tongue.

I think about the above stuff and it hurts me physically. I tell myself every single time that it's in her past - she's with me now. I have told her about this (albeit in lesser detail) and she even says that I have to forget about all these worries, and stresses how much she loves me. But I feel like, until I "beat" this other guy somehow (i.e. give her an orgasm myself), I will never be at peace. I want to give her everything, and be the best that she has ever had in every single aspect of her life.

This issue has also caused problems with my own sexual performance. I find it difficult, sometimes, to achieve and sustain an erection. I don't have any physical problems, and I think it's obvious this is just anxiety having a bad effect. This hasn't happened too often but I am afraid that whenever I next see my girlfriend, it's going to become a bigger issue if I don't deal with it. It is also _not_ helping my anxiety in general.

I have read mountains of similar stories on the internet and have taken in all the advice I can, but I really need some help from anyone who understands or can offer a real solution. How do I let all of this go? I love this girl and don't want to lose her because of these issues. She has been excellent in understanding but she is only human and her patience, I fear, can only stretch so far.

Finally, I know that this is "all in the past". But is it? The fact remains she's had more pleasure from someone else than she has from me. I know that she tells me she's so much happier with me than she has ever been... but can I really believe that or accept it without adding physical (sexual) ecstacy to her list, too? I have tried to just "let it go" and simply cannot. The long distance thing doesn't help, either, because I sit and worry that these problems will return as soon as we meet again, and so I have longer to worry about them while we're apart. At this point, I just really don't know what to do.

Thank you so much for any help.