Hi, I'm a teenage female. Im easily irritated, i have a self esteem that ever since last summer has put me at a downfall of stress and irritation.. I constantly care about the way my hair looks, i constantly want bigger boobs, bigger butt.. i want everything a young teenage girl would want. However i used to have longish hair down to my collar bone and i had this irritational fear I looked wider with it down and gross and i can't even explain with words.. therefore, i cut it into a bob. Now, im extremely paranoid about the way my hair looks 24/7, even if im home alone, I cant stand to see myself without makeup for long at all.. i constantly want to wear something that makes me feel not little but grown up. I constantly give my mother attitude unless she buys me something that helps my self esteem, then she blames that the only reason im happy is because what she bought.. Well yeah, because it helped my self esteem for a little bit.. Of course, I'm going to be happy about that. I feel terrible as a person, I have constant urges to breakdown and not let anyone see me and sit in my room. Ill sit in front of a mirror for hours, even a day if I have to just to feel good about myself, I constantly twiddle with my hair and want it to grow to the perfect length, and I hate my face because it makes me look unproportional. To me, and nobody understands the way I feel because this didn't use to be me when I was a tomboy when I was younger, I could care less when people think.. I have anxiety issues when I'm with people I don't know, when I have basketball practice with older girls I HAVE to look pretty in some way and I constantly think about what I look like and if I look gross or fat or unproportional.. And it affects my family life, friend life, and with male life. It hurts so bad. And I'm screaming out for help as of now..
Clearly you are having some confidence issues - I certainly did as well when I was a teenager. You are trying to find your way in the world and you want to be liked and attractive. Believe me, we all do! When I got a bit older I realised that what made me liked and/or attractive to other people wasn't really what I looked like it was how I presented myself - with confidence and warmth. Everyone likes to be around warm, welcoming and happy people, so maybe you could try and aim to be that way instead of worrying about your looks so much - I know it's easier said than done. I am sure that if you could hear what people were thinking you would realise that no one thinks any of those thoughts about you but that they too are having similar thoughts about themselves! I hope you feel better soon
A little of this is perfectly normal at your age. Hormones really make it hard to have self-confidence in your teens. If this is really botherring you, take charge of your life. Force yourself to go a week without make-up or mature clothing. Put yourself on a sanity diet to give yourself some perspective of how unimportant these things really are in your life.
If you don't feel pretty or loved or secure. Ask your firends why they like you. I know it sounds odd and uncomfortable but I had to do it when I was in my teens as part of a school assignment and I learned so much about myself that I would never have guessed.
God made you just the way you are, and if you reject it or feel that He did an inadequate job of making you beautiful enough, you're living in sin. You are rejecting the Almighty One who ordained exactly what you look like, what family you will be born into, what country you live in etc. Since you aren't satisfied, you are becoming more and more enslaved to this sin in your life...
"Jesus anwered them, 'Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.' " -John 8:34. I was a slave to this once as well. God designed us in such a way that we will always be worshipping something and if it's not Him, it will be worldly things such as money, power, appearance etc. I'm just luckily He turned me in the right direction before it was too late...
"Charm is decietful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." -Prov 31:30
I know this may sound morbid, but we will all die someday, and all that is going to be left is our spirit. "No one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again"(Jn 3:3). Don't be so blinded by the temporary, worthless things of this life that will all pass away regardless. There is lasting joy to be found.