I'm eighteen, and I'm in my first year of college. I recently got pregnant and I've agreed to have an abortion with my partner. We've established that we can't support a baby. Before I got pregnant I said that I would have an abortion if I ever got pregnant in college but so much has changed since I've been pregnant. I want to keep my baby and I cry about it everyday but I know that it may be best. I even went to the abortion clinic on Friday but they said I wasn't far enough along to get it. For some reason I think it may be God telling me that maybe I shouldn't get it. It's hard to find someone who understands what I'm going through. Everyone is telling me this is the right thing to do but now that I have it inside me it's like I don't want to let go.
Dont ignore your inuition sweetie. I would definitely suggest putting some more thoughts into this very important decision-since your not so sure anymore. You are carrying an innocent precious life-this life is a part of you who would be walking the earth and creating joy in months time. This is a gift to you that many many women cannot obtain. My personal advice would be to have the child and if it does seem to be too much or that you are not ready, then there is always adoption--closed or open. You wouldnt feel guilty for ending a life, and you would feel important to have given a couple a dream they have dreamt for a long time. Please..think about it
Thanks! Now that I'm pregnant I even hate to hear the word abortion but I don't want to feel as though I'm being selfish. I mentioned adoption to my boyfriend yesterday and he said no but I'm seriously considering it.
April, there is one thing certain about abortion and that is the fact that you can't take it back and it is forever. Many women who go against their intuition end up regreting their action. I can tell you grief is horrendous and grief with regret is worse. I can't and won't tell you what to do, that is up to you because only you will end up living with the results of your actions, not your bf, not your family and certainly not your friends. If you want to have this child and can't stand the thought of abortion then follow your gut.
this is your choice so be careful with advice that people give. only you can decide whats right for you. only you. I have had an abortion before and it was tough, but Im okay now, and I did what I felt was the right thing at that time. however now I am pregnant and can not put myself through another one, and I can be stronger this time around so Im keeping it. If you decide to keep it, there are plenty of places that help you take on the finacial burdens. I didnt realize this until I went ahead with this. If you need help, go to a non-profit organization for pregnant women in your area. they will give you your first ultrasound, info for temporary medical coverage during and after the pregnancy, information about adoption, abortion (the information I was never told!) free classes if you decide to keep the baby... these kinds of places are absolutely wonderful and they really care. if you go forth with one, they also offer a place to go to to talk with other women or with someone who has simular experiences.
It sounds like you understand the consequences of having a child at this stage of your life. Despite all your heart and best intentions the reality is that most women will not get a degree after having a child. The demands of caring for a human life are all-consuming and draining for also take on the academic load needed to graduate with a degree. You've been given time, use it to take a serious look at what you need in your life to be satisfied.
Also if the weight of abortion is seeming great, please also consider adoption as an alternative. There are great benefits to your child if you decide to have them on your terms rather than simply accepting that you will produce a human life whenever happenstance gives you no other choice. As a mother with your Masters or Doctorate you could provide a remarkable life for a child.
I believe someone else mentioned how you can never take back an abortion?
Well guess what honey, there is nothing so permanent as a child. Although there are ways of making it work if you so dearly want a child, the demand sacrifice and hard, hard work. Do not think you can raise this child on good wishes alone. It seems that if you went through with the pregnancy, you would be mostly be on your own, based on your partner's hesitance. Be prepared to put your life on hold, because once (if) you have that baby, he/she will take priority over everything else. Waiting until you are better prepared to raise a child would benefit both you and the child. Just make sure you have thought the whole situation through.
your heart seems to be leading in a good direction
I don't want to sound like a broken record, but the fact that you are so hesitant and are already crying about this is indeed an indication that you may go through a lot of guilt and post-abortion stress. What I see is that you have already made the connection in your heart to this new life growing inside of you. You can raise a child on good wishes. Many many of us have. Your life as it is will be put on hold, but a new much richer life is waiting. Sure, it will have tough spots. But when you see that baby smiling up at you.. or reaching for you as he/she is learning to walk, you will remember how you close you came to never meeting her. MsJesca said waiting until you are better prepared would benefit both you and the child. This is true. Being in a loving stable relationship with baby's father would be best, but if that boat has sailed, letting your child have a chance to live would definately benefit that child more than an abortion. If you feel God is leading you to consider adoption, I feel you should look into it, especially if your boyfriend would rather not have any part in this child's life. Good luck to you. I am a registered home childcare provider & if you are in the Abilene TX area, I would be happy to care for your baby free of charge as long as you need.
Re: your heart seems to be leading in a good direction
You can raise a child on good wishes.
This is in fact false. Babies require very specific nutrition, medical care, shelter and upbringing in order to grow up to be healthy human beings with a fair chance at a good life. None of these things are inexpensive. Love is very important to a child but it is not enough by any stretch of the imagination. You have to be in a position of comfortable wealth, have a respectable education and the stability of a constant home with healthy male and female role models in order to give your child decept prospects in this world. Good wishes upgringing is what sits on streetcorners begging for your change or walks around anxiously in front of the rehab center or fills our prisons. Rearing a child requires a plan and resources. If you do not know that you are prepared to care for a child then you not prepared to care for that child responsibly.
Many lives are not preferrable to abortion. While most countries with internet access are very concerned about providing a safety net for humans that struggle in life, all of us have seen those who suffer, who struggle to survive against mental illness, addiction, crushing poverty, criminal neglect and criminal influence or simply a suicidal will. Happiness is not the entitlement of all living persons, it is inheirited from our families, gifted by friends or it is taken in life, but you cannot assume that someone that is given a chance at life will be given a life worth living without ignoring the human sufferring that goes on all around you every day.
"Obeying" or "pleasing" your boyfriend in this decision should not be a priority. This is you and your pregnancy. Adoption will not affect your boyfriend. Don't make your decision based on your boyfriend's wishes.
Wolf, you are correct that babies need nutrition & shelter. But you talk about a baby as if it is a lamb or a new puppy. You do not sound to me as if you have any children, as people with children of their own would know almost NO ONE has all the qualifications you claim are needed. Or maybe you were once a dad but when on you found you didn't have a 'respectable education' you decided to cut your losses & refuse your child a chance to take his first breath. Either way, Aprilwood is not, as far as we know, addicted to crack & living on the street. She lives in America where there ARE safety nets for unmarried women finding themselves in an unplanned pregnancy. She is in college, and if she's like most college students I know, her parents are involved in her life and she has a family who loves her & would be there for her.
"If you do not know that you are prepared to care for a child then you not prepared to care for that child responsibly."
How many, would you think, facing an unexpected pregnancy actually have a plan in place & feel prepared to take on the challenge of being a parent? I was 19 when I accidentally got pregnant with my daughter. I was scared. I did NOT know I was prepared to care for a child. And according to you, that makes me unable to care for my child responsibly. But in fact, I am now a good responsible mother. And if I turned out not to be, I could let my child be adopted.
Happiness is not an entitlement but it is not inherited from families either. Happiness is a gift from the One who put us on this earth. Just like we in America have the right to the PERSUIT of happiness, given to us by the CREATOR(it's important to note that this right cannot be taken by man), I just ask her to let her child have that same opportunity. But just because you see suffering around you, does not mean you have the right to take away someone's chance to live (even if you don't think their life is worth living).
And to kcwilliams, yes, adoption will affect her boyfriend. It's his child. He has rights. She cannot put the baby up for adoption unless he consents. The only thing he doesn't have a say in is whether the child is allowed to live or die. That choice is left in the hands of the mother.
If you've tasted the barrel of a gun before, if you've been raped, if you've been shot, then you're welcome to lecture me to your heart's content about how life is a precious gift and how it is a sin to deny it to someone. For some life is more difficult than the path you lead. Some of our parents did not live up to our hopes. Some of our loved ones did not stand by us and we were forced to take burdens on our shoulders. Some of us have been forced to live off the mercy of others. Some of us have suffered the physical defects of health problems in our childhood. The only guarantee you have in life is that no matter how hard society tries to prevail life will be indifferent to your ideas of justice.
You are guaranteed nothing in life and if you are not given the support, finances, and education to prepare you for the misfortunes that strike randomly in life then your life is being gambled on. If you have had the outrageous fortune of raising your child without injury, legal trouble, or emotional trauma, then it is monstrous to criticize those who would rather fold than raise when gambling with a human life.
Every child deserves the best life possible. It galls me that anyone argues against this point. Your child has a right not to be denied basics of human development because you are too poor to provide them. Your child has a right to have a healthy relationship with a father and a mother and learn how to be part of a family by watching their healthy interaction. Your child has a right to good upbringing with parents that serve as teachers about the nature of the world they live in, parents who understand child psychology and biology. Most of all your child has a right to a mother that is prepared to take on the solemn responsibility of fostering a life and prepared on every level to take on that challenge.
Well, I have been raped. So I will lecture. Just because we don't live in a perfect world gives you no excuse to give up on what's right. Just because some people are indifferent to hungry people in the street is no reason for our volunteers to give up working with meals on wheels. We only fail when we stop trying. True, some people lead a difficult life. But nomatter how difficult their life is, that is not a reason to kill someone. Someone, I might add, who is the most innocent party in the case of pregnancy. No one leads a perfect existince. I read & reread that last paragraph of yours and I can't help but see how you stick up for the rights of children, yet your whole message coincides with the idea that Aprilwood should kill hers.
I did not argue against the feeling that every child deserves the best life possible. That would be wonderful if it could all be perfect. I am doing the best I can with my own daughter. And my parents did the best they could for me. You suggest that it's "monstrous to criticize those who would rather fold than raise when gambling with a human life" Don't you realise what serious actions a woman is taking when she decides to end a pregnancy? Watch "the silent scream" on youtube of a 12 week fetus fighting for its life. That is just as serious an action as letting the baby be born, if not more so. And the childs life will run only one course in abortion, no second chances and NO CHOICE.
No child will be denied the basic rights of human development in the United States of America, unless you just happen to be inside a womb instead of outside it.
Life IS a precious gift, even if you don't think so. That is why it is so horrible if you have tasted the barrel of a gun, why it's horrible whenever someone is murdered. Because it's not Hitler's decision who gets to live or die. And thankfully it's not yours either because those of us who had bad childhoods, by your standards, shouldn't even have had the chance at life because statistically we would have been quite a gamble.
And I do want to apologise for what I said about the possibility that you might have been a dad at one time. I was upset & disagreed with your position, but what I posted in that reguard was a cheap shot and for that I am sincerely sorry.
Under no circumstances will I ever swallow any more pro-life propaganda. Not going to watch any more CGI doctored movies about fetuses making baby noises or look at butcherred kangaroo pups being passed off as aborted fetus material. The fact that people make those movies is infinately more disturbing than the notion of abortion ever could be, that is torture porn perverted sickness.
If the prevention of pain isn't a reason to end a life, what is? Nationalism? Self defense? Criminal punishment Stopping abortion doctors from practicing their trade? If you're not certain you can protect a child from a miserable life how could you not take action to protect it and still call yourself a decent human being? Do you fancy that the child you don't abort will live on for an eternity? Do you think they'll die of a heart condition at 80? A health complication at 60? A marital fight turned ugly at 40? A drug Overdose at 25? A shooting 15? A car accident at 5? will they suffer as they die? Will it be months of pain like my Grandmother? Or days of suffering and confusion like my Grandfather? Or will they be terminated prior to self awareness or the development of a complex nervous system? How do you define humane?
Also please don't appologise for getting out of line in the same post you use Adolf Hitler as a lever in your argument. It demeans everyone who has to read it.
I just had to jump in here and reply, though I feel that we have all strayed from the original purpose of this strand. WOLF-- it is a logical fallacy to assume that the termination of a pregnancy is equivalent to the prevention of pain. This assumes that any child born to a young mother, or a girl who questions her preparedness for parenthood, is set for a life of pain.
This, of course, is not true. Many children who have all of their material needs met-- and then some-- suffer tremendously from neglect. Children born to poor families thrive from the love of hard-working, caring mothers and fathers--AND VICE VERSA.
That is not the point. The point is it is not up to you or me or anyone else to decide who gets the OPPORTUNITY to get a physical body and come into the world.
We can't go killing people because they have crappy lives, and we certainly cannot terminate potential life on the assumption that life might be crappy.
If Aprilwood decides to have her sweet baby, (if she is even reading this stuff anymore), I am sure that she will find a way to make it work, and I am POSITIVE that she will love her child more than anything. Motherhood can be difficult, but it is never regrettable.
We terminate lives constantly that don't have hope of improvement. We do it through Capital punishment, we do it through Euthenasia and we do it through Abortion.
It's not an assumption that unwanted children are more likely to live a life of pain, it's a statistic. Forcing women to raise children that they are not prepared or equipped to care for causes misery to the world. Every child should be the dream manifested of a mother and father, not something thrust on them by fear or condemnation. Every child should be wanted without exception. Accepting less is a deliberate effort to bring misery to others.
Motherhood is frequently regretable. I used to deal with regretable mothers consistently in my work. That however is not at all what's being discussed. We are talking about regretable childhoods and the regretable lives that stem from them. We can't protect everyone from pain in life but we can certainly stop pretending that we are helpless to prevent the misery of a child. The medicine is freely available, it is safe and it is right.
"We terminate lives constantly that don't have hope of improvement." And you use abortion as an example of a great way to kill children you deem will not have hope of improvement. The fact is there IS hope. While still alive, no ones life if set in stone.
You say it's a statistic that unwanted children are more likely to live a life of pain. Where do you get your figures?
A landmark study was done at the University of Southern California. They studied 674 consecutive battered children who were brought to the in- and out-patient departments of that medical center. They went to the parents and studied to what extent they wanted and planned the pregnancy. Surprise: 91% were planned and wanted, compared to 63% for the control groups nationally.
Actually, analysis from another study in New Zealand clearly pointed to the fact that abortion (and its acceptance of the violence of killing the unborn) lowered a parent's psychic resistance to violence and abuse of the born.
You used to deal with regretable monthers in your line of work? How many of these mothers did you meet had the child and the child is older and the woman wished the child was never born?
Aberdeen, Scotland has had abortion for decades. If the availability of abortion did reduce unwanted children, it should have the best record in Britain. In fact, it has the worst record, with 10.2 per 1,000 abandoned, abused, and uncared for children being supported by public agencies compared with the national average of 6.6. Theres more evidence from Japan who've had abortion on demand for 70 years or something. It is used there as a method of birth control, but "cases of infanticide have been increasing so much that social workers have made appeals to Japanese mothers in newspapers and on television not to kill their babies."
And no one is forcing these women to raise their child. You purposely ignore the option of adoption.
But it's obvious nothing can be said to you because you have no experience with parenthood. So, since it is clear to me, as Tinybaby has pointed out, that we are totally off the original reason for this strand, I should just stop typing. Good luck to you.
I served as a counselor to parents who had had their children taken by CPS or the Courts for 3 years. I went with family courts agents on home visits and interviewed children to evaluate if they were safe in their homes. The things I know about parenting would kill you to have to know. Being a parent teaches you nothing about raising a child except how fortunate you are. Failing as a parent teaches you everything. Being a child of a failed parent teaches you how to fail as a parent.
In 1991 America saw the abrupt end of the most extreme wave of juvenile felony crime. It was a record year on top of record years of children who were arrested for felony Drug charges assaults and murders and the height of populations in American prisons for violent crime. If you chart convictions from the FBI statistics page for Juvenile felonies the they virtually flatline 18 years to the day after Roe V. Wade. A similar arc played itself out in Romania 18 years after Nicolae Ceausescu outlawed abortion in 1966. 10 years later began an escalation of crime and bloody violence that culminated 24 years later when Nicolae was executed by a mob of young people. 18 years following Romania transformed seemingly overnight from a dangerous communist state to a European film mecca and a tourism center.
When we say that every life is precious but obviously some lives are unwanted then we make every life meaningless.