This is a difficult relationship- years long. he is terrified by commitment. we live in two far parts of the world now but still "together" planning on something serious by the end of this year. he comes from military background and quite strict family background. we come from different cultures and different mentalities but get along quite well except for a few things.
i am emotional and quite sensitive. he is very sensitive too but his own way.
he had never accepted fighting/argument in his relationships. so everytime we talk or go through issues in our relationship and we have different points of view he gets defensive and upset ... because that confrontation is fighting to him. then we end up "fighting" of course.
crying for him is sign of weakness.
being sick .. i mean headache, feeling dizzy sometimes for certain reasons, etc concerns him but id rather say annoys him.
i had a bad situation at work yesterday. sexual harassment situations that i obviously filed a claim for immediately. nothing tragic happened but the man went beyond verbal harassment. i felt very bad and cried for hours yesterday morning. i felt violated and a lot of other things. a lot of support from friends and family but i felt like i only wanted him next to me. we live in two different continents at the moment due to his work and so i could not have talked to him immeidately because he was sleeping.
i called him up later in the day and explained him everything. he sounded concerned of course but all he felt to do was to list al the things and steps i should have done in order to process this thing and get the guy in trouble. of course yes i appreciate that. but i havent heard no "i am sorry baby" or any disappointment, anger, etc it seemed like a phone call with a friend of mine not my bf. people at work would say "if your bf was here that guy would have not had a good day today" or more " dont tell your bf immediately it may drive him crazy" etc. nothing happened.
after the phone call and the listed suggestions he was tired and asked to get off the phone. i called him 4 hours later (my nightime now) to see if he was up to talk. he was up but talk...hm didnt sound like and if so about money, cars, job problems, etc etc. i needed some support some love shown, some tender words, some sweet encouragement, something.
i asked him to tell me one sweet thing and after a minute or two of silence he couldnt say anything.
i told you already the relationship is weird. our level of love is very different - he does nto say "ilove you"anymore for 2 years now bc he is not sure.
i feel sad. so this morning we talked. i didnt go to work bc i was not feeling good - i havent slept at all last night- due to the incident at work, then lotsa thoughts, i missed him to die, i was also a bit angry at him, etc so this morning i ws feeling poorly. headache and ear hurting bc of the crying from yesterday and today..he got "upset" . "why do you make yourself sick?" this is all he could say to me. make myself sick? i only had 1 bad day!!!!!! he hates that i can get sick - he never gets sick. he gets depressed very often and just lose himself and i am always there to support i mean no kidding
i stay awake nights for him =- we talk i support him as much as i can - i give him all myself and it is not a sacrifice for me-i could not sleep or be happy and do my life if i knew he is not happy or going through tough days. thats me and i think it's normal.
why is he so different and difficult? why strangers show more support and more tenderness?
when i am sick he comes up with stuff like "im concerned if you are sick, how are u going to be raising kids and go through hard times?" what deos it mean????? i mean for real. i am very strong person- been through a lot of things and especially with him i've let go a loooooooooooot of s**t. why is he like this.? why does he get mad at me? i am not weak but i am a human being and have my bad days too.
do i have to lie to him now? how are you? great even if i am not?
i am very sad and sorry and mad at the fact that when i dotn feel good and have my own problems i have to worry about hwat he thinks of me instead of receiving his love and support ;(
dont know what to do. i am disappointed and feeling so lonely. i only want his love and want him to love me as much as i do.
i am sad and drained.
from what you posted, your bf reminds me of myself. I wasn't listening but instead offering solutions. You just wanted him to listen but he feels burden by your problems and responds as a typical male would do.
What he might be missing is relationships need to be a work in progress and the journey is where happiness happens. I myself came from a military family and was in the military myself. Showing emotions was not a normal trait for a military man. He is doing only what he knows.
He needs to be reminded of why you two are together and use that as a stepping stone to a better relationship.
I'm also going through something similar with my boyfriend. I would tell him my problems and expect him to be supportive and encouraging, but all he would offer are solutions. I went through my toughest times of my life just over the last 10 months. I broke my relationships with two very important people in my life because of dramatic, horrible fights. Now that they aren't around, I get sad whenever I'm alone sometimes because I get reminded of the people who are no longer there. When I tell my boyfriend that that is bothering me and that i need him to be around or say some words of encouragement, all he would say is that I need to be alone to get over my problems. That I need to accept my problems without anyone's assistance because I've been sweeping them under the rug by having people around to distract me. I don't understand why he can't just be there for me whenever I'm sad and lonely. I don't know what I have been doing the last 10 months of my life if not learn how to cope with having broken relationships. Is he being unemotional? Or am i being too needy? I don't know what to do. If I can't rely on him to support me emotionally, then who do I have left?