Join Our Community!
Share
Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Not over Ex Fiancee- 16 Months on!
Avatar
Q: Not over Ex Fiancee- 16 Months on!
asked by: PRINCESS1984 on June 15th, 2009
New User
All I can think of is him its driving me Mad! We was together over 2 years and broke up with me out the blue without any warning for “Space”. ( He dumped me 2 days before I was due to get some medical results) When he finished it he was crying and kept saying sorry. I didnt chase him , contact him or anything.

I bumped into him 3 months after the break up and he started crying outside his work, worse than what he did when we split up. He said he respects me so much for giving him his space, he wanted space but not this much. We arranged to meet up and talk and he text me 2days saying he cant meet his head isnt clear and doesnt know what he wants. I text back I understand look afer yourself.

Fast forward 8 months I bump into him in a club , as soon as he saw me he hugged me tight , asked if I was ok, I said yes have had a few problems but all ok. He managed to get my problems out of me, and said why are the doctors so slow you been ill for 3 years whats wrong with them. I said I dont know, dont care now at least im getting myself sorted, im on the waiting list for a operation so its a start! He spent the he spent the whole night with me chatting to me talking about what we been up to how I am etc. I said I better go and see my mates and ill come back in a bit.I went out to the smoking area with my fieneds he was out there talking about me with his work mates, they asked him how long we was together he said 2 years his mate said shes beautiful, he then said there is nothing there now. I turned round and he walked off that hurt

Later on we was talking again he said he still thinks of me everyday, thinks of me when he hears songs, remembers when everyones birthday is close to me and thinks of me and them on that day. he missed me on his birthday when it was 3 weeks ago. When he sees a car the same as mine he automatically thinks it me. (he kept saying its all good all good afterwards) and he said at the time I thought it was for the best. I offered him a lift home and he accepted. when we got outside his house I suggested we should meet for lunch he accepted again I asked him if he still had my number he does - all my numbers, mum dads nan uncles sisters, any number where I may be he has still got in his phone. - he checked that the numbers was still correct and I gave him my new mobile number.

he asked me if I still sleep all huddled up and if I still nick the covers I said yes, he said ah like sleeping beauty

he admits that he still has all my stuff I have given him, and always think of me. and when he is out somewhere he think I will be he looks for me and everywhere he goes the memory is there and any small blonde he thinks is me when we said goodbye he hugged me so tight and held me hands then hugged me again.

Throughtout the evening when I said I was going home he would hug me tight, but I never left I ended up chatting some more.

6 Weeks on, I bump into him again out side his work, and he starts getting emotional, asking me how I am I said not to bad, I got my date for the operation and that is xmas eve, I said to him again about lunch he said yes ok will do. When I said bye he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tight again, and said I always think of u, and will be thinking of you more than ever on xmas eve good luck. then he walked off.

He has since bumped into my best mate in a social club asked how I was etc, he asked him why he hasnt been in touch he couldnt answer the question. He asked how my operation went, he told him That I just had it and didnt have it over xmas as was ill but im doing ok. He said she is such a amazing girl, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. He had tears in his eyes went out for a cigarette for a long time then left.

I saw him when I was driving down the Road, he was staring at the car as soon as I got in line with him he waved then watched me drive on ( I would of stopped but had cars behind me )

Obviously there are feelings there still, I dont understand why he hasnt been in touch, when he said he would for lunch, but its driving me mad!What shall I say to him if I was to c him again?

He has nooone else, and there never has been anyone else. But I dont understand how over a year on he still thinks of me everyday gets emotional everytime he sees me yet wont do anything about it. I was his first Love, he is a 26 yr old man, not a kid. I wont contact him as he walked away he wanted space and respects me for giving it to him, I have offered the lunch, so its up to him. But how can I move on, with him still being like this I cant ignore him when I c him I dont have the heart to.

Its now 16 Months on, I think of him everyday - Dont know if this is normal or not. Never been thru this before. I Know I need to move on, but I dont know how to take him the way he is. and at the mo if he wanted me back I would go
Did you find this post useful?
|
Replies(6)
User Profile
lizzy_09
replied on June 16th, 2009
Experienced User
The way you've describe the situation, it would seem that you yourself still have feelings for him as well. Why not try to make him jealous. Go out with other men. If the feeling is still there, he might just try to win you back.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
PRINCESS1984
replied on June 16th, 2009
New User
i still have feelings for him, i do admit that. he is in myhead everyday. Being with other men i dont think will help.

I just dont understand the way he is.
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
ServiceU
replied on June 16th, 2009
Supporter
please dont get offended by what i say. you said you had to get surgery for something and you've been sick for a few years. did your illness effect your relationship. did something happened where he might feel like it would be hard for him to deal with.
it doesnt make sense!!!!!
it's something that is keeping him from coming back to you, he left without giving you a good reason why.
my ex told me one day that he's moving out and i was totally puzzled. i read other women's problems and they say that their b/f left when things was fine.
you can have two people and one may have deeper feelings than the other person. it's not a mystery that a man leave......it's a mystery to us, but they know the reason.
my ex was miserable with me and he didnt talk about how he felt, he just dealt with it until in his silly little head couldnt deal with it any more.
you are there for the taking, but yet your emotional ex wants to "just hug you tight and cry"
if he really wanted to get back with you, he would.
you should move on!!!!!! i would be forcefull and demand a real answer about why he really left and what is keeping him from getting back to you. because he's keeping you in a middle ground where you probably need some kind of closure.
then again my advice is "the proof is in the pudding" which means his actions.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Users who thank ServiceU for this post: Fairy Godmother 
Avatar
PRINCESS1984
replied on June 17th, 2009
New User
My illness didnt effect me or us as a relationship, he was quite supportive. just wasnt there for the results. the only thing that had changed was that when we went out i couldnt drink. but thats nothing.and some days i slept alot, but it didnt effect him as he was at work so he didnt c me.

the only thing he has said to me after we split was that i did nothing wrong, its him, his head it isnt clear and that i couldnt do anything wrong and has so much respect for me for giving him space.
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
ioka
replied on June 17th, 2009
Supporter
hello i just read your post and honey you concern me. how could he love you when you needed him at an important time in your life..you say your health never affected your relationship when he abandoned you when you needed him most..only he knows the reason why and yet still plays with your emotions and everyday thoughts.
i could never imagine someone who i thought loved me doing this to me. Im going to be honest and he doesn,t want you and wants no one else to have you and plays this game of he still cares..anything less i would call it emotional black mail to prey on your good nature.
I agree with service u only he knows the real reason but not man enough to tell you to your face honey.
Ive met a few like your so called man and believe me you should meet someone else and move on..
you are giving him the ammunition to keep you where he wants you and let him cry all he wants cos you deserve better.
of course you done nothing wrong he is just ashamed to admit that he did while you waited on results and possibly alot more..
I could shed a tear and look worried if i needed space but does that make what he done to you right?
I think not!!move on girl and find someone who really cares and deserves your love and that big heart you have.
my thoughts are with you.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Users who thank ioka for this post: Fairy Godmother 
User Profile
Jazzy77
replied on June 17th, 2009
Experienced User
hi princess...there are great points brought up by everyone. if you don't mind, i'll give you my opinion as well.

1) when a guy breaks up with you because he needs space, generally, it means that he's just not all that into you for one of 2 reasons.
a. the first reason is that he has something else he has seen that interests him more.
b. the second reason is that there is something "undesirable" about the girl he's with that makes him want to break it off.
c. in your case, on the outside, it doesn't seem like either of these two situations is right, but my guess is since he hasn't had other girls in the meantime, then it probably is the second reason. this could be something simple like you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle rather than at the end (at least simple to you and I), but it probably drives/drove him nuts about you to the point that he couldn't take it anymore.
d. he may very well still have feelings for you and like you, but there's that ONE THING that is keeping him from being with you and he's never going to tell you what that one thing is. it is possible that it's embarrassing to him to tell you...who knows...but my gut instinct tells me that you aren't going to know...not now and not ever.


SO what does a girl do? the girl moves on. find another guy. you're thinking...jasmine is stupid...there's nothing wrong with this guy...right? well see there IS something wrong with this guy, and it's the most major thing that a guy can have wrong with him.

his defect is that he doesn't want you. that's a major, major defect for a girl who wants her guy to want her.

you don't want a guy to want you a little bit, trust me, you want him to NEED YOU, to adore the ground you walk on, to treat you like his queen, not just when he sees you 1x every 2 months, but every day.

you want a guy to come see you in the hospital when you have surgery. to be by your side. to LOVE you. that isn't this guy. i'm sorry to say that, but i think you know it in your heart.

so he's perfect, but he's not ever going to be your man. move on. your MR RIGHT is out there. and he's been waiting all his life to touch you, smell the back of your neck and hold you. he may even be right up under your nose.

go get him. he's the right one for you.
best!
jasmine
Did you find this post useful?
|
Quick Reply
Search