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Nobody Understands...So Depressed

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I was just on the phone with my mom talking about my PTSD. I was physically abused a couple of times as a child and TONS of emotional abuse, both from my dad. Whenever I talk to my dad, even on the phone like tonight, it causes night upon night of nightmares and sometimes panic attacks. I told this to my mom who raised her voice at me and told me to "not be ridiculous". She says she doesn't think I have PTSD, even though I match the symptoms of the disorder and was formally and professionally diagnosed with a mental health provider. She said I wasn't even beat that much. True, but one or two times has left scars that will last a lifetime and the YEARS of emotional abuse did even more damage. I can't be around my dad, much less even talk to him in person or on the phone. I talked to him on the phone tonight and so I told my mom that I was going to end up having night upon night of nightmares now and she just tells me to not be ridiculous. I CAN'T HELP HAVING THESE NIGHTMARES. WHY WOULD I CHOOSE TO HAVE THESE NIGHTMARES?? I HATE BEING LIKE THIS. WHY WOULD ANY SANE PERSON CHOSE TO LIVE A LIFE LIKE THIS, PLUS SUFFER FROM OCD, PANIC DISORDER, AND GENERAL ANXIETY? I don't get it. No one listens except for my therapist. It's depressing. I'm out of Xanax to help with this anxiety, so I thought I'd look for a web site to post my feelings on and came across this place. My life is depressing.

I actually took offense to the response of her raising her voice and telling me to "not be ridiculous". Isn't a mom supposed to be a support person? I'm in my 20s, BTW.

-Anonymous
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replied July 9th, 2011
Extremely eHealthy
here is something u can do;
look up Dr. Laura she used to be on the radio AND has written some books that r helpful to a lot of people and perhaps u could benefit;
i don't remember the exact name but it is something like; bad childhood / good life this could help u get a better introspective on your life and a better way of dealing with your thoughts and emotions.

OF COURSE u could pay for counseling for years but i suggest starting with self help such as the above book.
best wishes 2u
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replied July 19th, 2011
Ive had a simmiliar situation, you may not have "been beat that much" but emotional abuse can make far deeper wounds in a person that being hit, being hit is and was easier for me to block out. Anyways I think that when you talk to your dad on the phone you are having a flashback to the emotional abuse you endured as a child and that is why you have so much anxiety about it, any person, place, or thing related to a stressful event can trigger unwanted feelings of anxiety in a person ( the same as when a war veteran freaks out because of loud noises) And im sorry you dont have strong support from your mom, she maybe part of the problem and delaying your recovery. I have ptsd from years upon years of emotional and physical abuse, although ive healed tremendously from medication and weekly therapy i still struggle. I will cry uncontrollably if I hint any meaness in a person's words, even worse if they are really trying to mean. Im so sorry you are struggling so much right now, you should see a therapist or at least call a hotline, talking about your experiences and having proffesionals there to help you cope will make getting through this nasty thing easier.
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replied August 4th, 2011
I completely understand what you are going through, I was also abused emotionally and physically as a child and an adult, in fact from being born till I was 31 years old. people won't ever understand unless they have either experienced it personally or trained for it like your therapist. I was never allowed to be myself and have tried so many time to explain to others about everything but they just either laugh and call me cookoo
or get angry with me and I feel so alone almost as though I don't belong here or I'm some sort of alien. keep talking to your therapist and you will get through it eventually and maybe just maybe your mum will understand one day. I disowned my whole family for what they have done and will never speak to them again as long as I live but at least you still have hope. your mum is still there for you, so just keep your head up and show how strong you are going to be in the outcome of it all. good luck Hun and take care of yourself
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replied August 4th, 2011
I completely understand what you are going through, I was also abused emotionally and physically as a child and an adult, in fact from being born till I was 31 years old. people won't ever understand unless they have either experienced it personally or trained for it like your therapist. I was never allowed to be myself and have tried so many time to explain to others about everything but they just either laugh and call me cookoo
or get angry with me and I feel so alone almost as though I don't belong here or I'm some sort of alien. keep talking to your therapist and you will get through it eventually and maybe just maybe your mum will understand one day. I disowned my whole family for what they have done and will never speak to them again as long as I live but at least you still have hope. your mum is still there for you, so just keep your head up and show how strong you are going to be in the outcome of it all. good luck Hun and take care of yourself
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replied August 8th, 2011
I know the feeling, my dad was abusive in every way possible. I still have nightmares, flashbacks, and a mutitude of trigger responses. All I have found that helps is music, listening or playing it. I also used to "paint" my feelings, using the colors that echoed my mood. Sometimes just angry streaks. When I was little my mom told me to write down on paper what was bothering me at that time, after I did she took me outside and we burned the paper(in a bare area), that seemed to help, too. Just know that there Many people out there that feel helpless and hopeless to, we need to take care of each other and support one another.
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