Joined: 07 Dec 2007 Posts: 34 Location: South Africa
No sex for 4 months!! Posted: 05-26-08 03:43am
After the birth of my son, 18 months ago,
we had sex several times, but now we had
it like 4 months ago. He would much rather
sit in front of the computer and play
games. I was the one who mosly initiated
the process of getting snuggly. Then I
decided to stop doing it and told him he
is the man and he should also somestimes
make a move first. I am not prepared to
live in a loveless marriage and been only
married for 2 years. I am 28 and he is 32.
Something is very wrong.
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harmony1
Supporter
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 364 Location: , Australia
Thanks: 27
Thanked:13
Posted: 05-27-08 08:24am
Can you talk to him about it at all? It's
not a good thing if it's getting you
upset. Do you get love from other areas of
the relationship or is he just completely
selfish? I know my partner gets bored
easily so there are periods when we don't
have it either but he shows he loves by
doing other things. I'm only 29 too.
4 months is quite some time though. I
would definately talk to him about it and
tell him how it makes you feel ( which is
not that great i know ) maybe there are
things that are getting him down like for
eg finances or something.
Take care,
Harmony1 xo
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LostInWI
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 11
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Re: No sex for 4 months!! Posted: 05-29-08 11:09am
butterfly007
wrote:
After the birth of my son,
18 months ago, we had sex several times,
but now we had it like 4 months ago. He
would much rather sit in front of the
computer and play games. I was the one who
mosly initiated the process of getting
snuggly. Then I decided to stop doing it
and told him he is the man and he should
also somestimes make a move first. I am
not prepared to live in a loveless
marriage and been only married for 2
years. I am 28 and he is 32. Something is
very wrong.
So sex = love to you?
Thats a dangerous road, I have been down
it with my ex as she felt the same way.
The only way she felt I loved her was if
we had sex three times a week, minimum.
That road is bumpy , hard, and never ends
well.
There is more to a relationship than sex,
it is important, please dont misunderstand
me, but please dont apply too much focus
on it as "love"
You should talk with him as suggested. But
dont make the focus to be Sex = Love.
Because it doesn't
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Users who thank LostInWI for this post:
CarolDiane
run4life10
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2007 Posts: 110 Location: ,
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Posted: 06-01-08 21:19pm
No, sex definitely does not equal love.
but then again, neither does sitting in
front of the computer all the time and
ignoring you. love needs attention. it
requires communication and understanding
on both ends. More often than not, sex
usually follows as a result of all those
aspects of love. If it were simply his
lack of sex drive that was the reason for
no sex, then that should not be a problem
because if everything was still good in
the relationship then he should still be
willing to please you, whether sexually,
or even just by snuggling or paying
attention to you. Usually, sexual problems
are caused by deeper issues in the
relationship. It's up to you to determine
whether lack of sex is really the
underlying problem, or if lack of love is
leading to lack of sex
no sex for 6 months and sometimes and year Posted: 06-05-08 22:51pm
I have the same problem. I went a year
before I had my son ( 1 year old) without
sex. I got 6 months sometimes and we have
been 10 years together. The problem is
that we have a good marriage and all other
aspects of the marriage work too. Am I
supposed to leave the marriage because I
lack sex? I think so sometimes. We've been
through therapy and the therapist
confirmed that I was not the problems but
he holds grudges for small everyday
disagreements and this is his way to
punish me. What bothers me the most is
that sometimes I catch him masturbating to
porn on the computer and it upsets me that
I have to compete with strippers when I am
just as beautiful. I am only 27 and I have
been married for 8 and together for 10. We
had the best sex before marriage and he
just turns me down all the time. I also
feel neglected and abandoned. I almost
feel like cheating just to get attention
and to have an orgasm. The last few times
that we have had sex, I have faked orgasms
just to be able to stop because I am
embarrassed to be naked in front of my own
husband. I feel like he's looking at all
my flaws and comparing me to the perfect
stripper. Yet, I never had a problem
getting naked before. In fact, we loved
having crazy, hot, romatic sex, everyday.
For 3 years we did.
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flipper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 134 Location: Texas
Thanks: 2
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Posted: 06-17-08 10:49am
I really feel for ya. I went through
exactly the same thing! I've been married
for going on 12 years now, and by the time
we hit year 6 or so, we stopped having sex
as much. My husband literally acted like
it was no big deal, and after a while I
just gave up and pretended like I didnt
care either. All that did though is make
it worse, and we ended up going 8 months
without sex. I didn't want to be naked in
front of him either because it embarassed
me. I wasn't used to being naked with him
anymore.
But then I was diagnosed with pcos and
endometriosis, and suddenly COULDN'T have
sex anymore anyway because it was too
painful. I was in terrible pain everyday,
all day long and only felt better
temporarily while hopped up on painkillers
or asleep. It really freaked my husband
out, because we do love each other. The
whole experience and recovery made us
closer, and when I felt better we started
having sex again.
I've made sure since then not to just let
it slide. I keep a sex journal, and write
down everytime we have sex. When it's
really good, I write about it- how it felt
physically and emotionally. It's nice to
be able to read those things back, and
sometimes I share them with my husband so
that he KNOWS how I feel. I make sure to
touch him everyday- scratch his back, hold
his hand, fix his hair, lol whatever to
keep contact going. Oh, and I frequently
grab his ass. Out of nowhere I'll just
throw my arms around his neck and kiss
him. Little things, but they add up, and
we haven't gone without sex like that
since we got over our problem. If love is
there, I think sex can always come back,
but it wont do it on its own. You have to
go after it.
Would I would advise (having been there
myself), is to just start with the little
touches here and there. Don't have sex be
the end game though. Just be flirty and
fun, and it'll help him relax. He's
spending time on the computer or whatever,
because he's getting his needs met there.
Not sexually, but some kind of emotional
need. Maybe he uses it to unwind after a
long day at work? If you're relaxed and
fun, he might rather spend time with you
than it.
Keeping a journal would be nice too.
Write down things about him that you like,
rather than just venting stuff. Or you
could write him a letter with nice stuff
in it and stick it in his wallet, letting
him discover it when he's away. Tell him
how much you miss him, and how much you
like his smell or his smile or whatever.
He'll dig it, and it'll make him feel more
important. Whatever you do, don't nag
about wanting sex, or get onto him about
not taking out the garbage, because that
puts pressure on him. The key here is to
get him to relax.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2392 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Re: No sex for 4 months!! Posted: 06-25-08 01:01am
LostInWI
wrote:
butterfly007
wrote:
After the birth of my son,
18 months ago, we had sex several times,
but now we had it like 4 months ago. He
would much rather sit in front of the
computer and play games. I was the one who
mosly initiated the process of getting
snuggly. Then I decided to stop doing it
and told him he is the man and he should
also somestimes make a move first. I am
not prepared to live in a loveless
marriage and been only married for 2
years. I am 28 and he is 32. Something is
very wrong.
So sex = love to you?
Thats a dangerous road, I have been down
it with my ex as she felt the same way.
The only way she felt I loved her was if
we had sex three times a week, minimum.
That road is bumpy , hard, and never ends
well.
There is more to a relationship than sex,
it is important, please dont misunderstand
me, but please dont apply too much focus
on it as "love"
You should talk with him as suggested. But
dont make the focus to be Sex = Love.
Because it
doesn't
Truer words have never been spoken.
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Re: No sex for 4 months!! Posted: 06-30-08 08:23am
LostInWI
wrote:
So sex = love to you?
Thats a dangerous road, I have been down
it with my ex as she felt the same way.
The only way she felt I loved her was if
we had sex three times a week, minimum.
That road is bumpy , hard, and never ends
well.
There is more to a relationship than sex,
it is important, please dont misunderstand
me, but please dont apply too much focus
on it as "love"
You should talk with him as suggested. But
dont make the focus to be Sex = Love.
Because it
doesn't
Love is sex though.........
Sadly enough its accepting that love is
sex and the other componets of
marriage/relationship that make it what it
is
To the original poster
I would have gone mad, I have a high sex
drive and seriously if it doesnt hurt
anybody then on what reasons can you say
no. If sex is only normal and a part of
the relationsip, its like what are you
doing with me, you want to be my brother..
