I understand that you have been feeling depressed for a very long time. Your feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and thoughts of death suggest that you are suffering from severe depression with suicidal thoughts. Not wanting to do things you used to enjoy is also probably part of your depression. Because you are feeling suicidal, I recommend that you go to your local emergency room immediately to receive help. You may want to tell someone close to you about your feelings and call your doctor to let him or her know you are going to the hospital.

What good will that do, do you think a pill will be able to replace having a will to live? Everyday all i see around me are new ways to die, new temptations. Cars speeding by, bridges with rock filled creeks far below, loose rope or wire hanging from a tree branch, when i drive i often think about speeding into a tree or a telephone pole or other cars, at work we use sharp knives and gas ovens, and at home... did you know that if you think hard enough about an object you can find a way to use anything to end life. Everywhere i look around me right now, i can see 100 ways to die. Each night when i sleep, the breif moments of nothingness are the only peace i've found. My dreams are amazingly vivid and real, i can feel, taste, smell and experience everything as thought it were real. Almost every night i dream about dying, i feel it, i live, i can't escape it.
I've died a thousand different ways in my dreams and each time i've felt the agony of every moment and i remember and relive it each time i wake.
It's not that i want or don't want to die, it doesn't matter to me at all infact, nothing matters anymore. my life has become so meaningless and empty and lonely that i no longer feel alive, i've become nothing. When you decided to change the name of my post you changed the whole point. I don't care about not having or having a reason to live, it makes no difference to me if tomorrow i die or if i don't.
I just don't know what to do anymore, what do i do if there is no reason for me to exist?

Please, please, please get immediate help for yourself!!!!! Know that you're an extremely valuable person and that you deserve all the tools that are available to help yourself!!!!! You are in my prayers and thoughts. I, too, have been depressed and have felt very alone in life. Believe me, there are many others like yourself who do as you do, make everyone believe that they're all right even though they're feeling awful inside. You are not alone. We're out there. You need help, and fast. If you cannot get yourself out the door to get help, please at least do this exercise for your emotions: Set a timer for 20-30 minutes at least and type like crazy on a Word document all positive things that come to mind about yourself. Do not pause. Keep going until you've filled up page after page about positive things. It doesn't matter if they're not true for the moment. Don't judge yourself. This is stream-of-consciousness typing, very fast. Each time you feel depressed, go to the computer and start typing positive things again. Just as a person can have clogged arteries from years of eating the wrong foods or genetic predisposition, we can also have "emotional arteries" that become clogged with negative thoughts until we lack motivation for doing anything.
Please try this exercise. You need to feel worthy. YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!! Do not shortchange yourself any longer!!!!!

it is amazing it feels like you just described my life as well, i feel the same way, i struggle to find a reason to wake up in the morning i just wished that one day i won't wake up. you go around with a fake smile just please people when your dead on the inside,
i tried that positive excessive only problem i ended up writing more reasons why i don't like my self

To lg_lg_20: I know it's difficult to type positive messages to yourself when you've been feeling negative for a long time (believe me, I've been there, done that, and have finished with it, goodbye and good riddance to it because it did nothing for me except keep me down).

The goal is to type ONLY positive things about yourself, NO NEGATIVE. If you start typing something negative, turn it around to a positive, like: "I love and appreciate myself very much," or something like that. Type it over and over again until something else that's positive comes into your mind that you want for yourself. If you have a goal to be a success in a certain field, for instance, type something like: "I am now working successfully on..." whatever you would like to be. Type everything as if it's in the present, as in "I NOW have a positive outlook on life," instead of "I will have a positive outlook on life."

When I'm typing positive sentences, I'm also automatically picturing doing those things that would make me happy, so the typing helps point me in the right direction for the day.

It takes time and effort to change your way of thinking, but it's absolutely worth it. You might look up on the Internet some positive affirmations that you can type in the beginning to get yourself started. Later on you'll think of sentences on your own to type.

I do this as an exercise in the morning for about 30 minutes. I know that seems like a lot, but the result is that throughout the day I'll find myself automatically saying positive things to myself, which is something I welcome, since I spent so long saying mostly negative things to myself (which got me absolutely nowhere).

Good luck!!! YOU DESERVE ALL THE VERY BEST that life has to offer, lg_lg_20!!!!

wow.....it's as if you are describing me as well..except for the dream part. I can see thousand of ways to kill myself when i just look around me Y^Y its horrid.

i want to keep on sleeping, hibernate or sleep forever. Almost all the time i thought of dying, nothing in the world suits me, i don't belong here, I've got no love, no *true friends* who i can really depend or talk to, I'm not good in anything, academics, music, sports, art...knowing the truth of the reality is very very sad...
and through out my whole life, everything is going against me. I often argue at home, i can't talk to anyone, sschool frds are always two face biotch so i had to put on my mask every single day and laugh with all i've got to hide myself away. It's as if the world, everyone doesn't like me...

i really really want to die...BUT you see, there are still a lot of things, many things in the world i haven't done or experienced..."i think this is why you don't want to die yet" AND for me, don't know about you, i need to get a good and stable job in the future to be able to give my mom a good life, she's been much worst than i am, but she still strive with all she got, so i can't leave it be....even though i don't want to care about family and friends and i can just go to a place no one, be myself, free.

i agree with you too, a pill can do us nothing...once u look at the surroundings, you will be back to your extreme depressed mode.

sdan "I am now working successfully on..." by typing that won't work, perhaps if worked for you but not for others, i mean lostandalone can try but if you think about it...what are you working successfully now? it's nothing...if i just make something up, that would be lying to myself.

anyways...because i can't find anyone to talk to in my real life, so i try my best to find someone online to talk to, or even typing a blog would help a little, at least temporary cause really i think when someone is so depressed, like you and i really need someone who we can hug on to, cry with all our might and spill everything out...(only if you have someone that can be trusted). If possible try start to think a bit positive, there's no harm to it.

Anywayssssssssss............try putting a little effort in everything you do, there will always be a little difference, and that little difference is already like a light to you. btw, watch something funny and laugh your arse off....or watching something sad and help cry yourself a little or go for a walk for taking some fresh air or eat BUT NEVER.>> please do not go to the path of self harm...

this is just my suggestion, what i think, oki,...

yeah i agree doing things that make you feel good make you laugh i tried that for a while i even made sure i did regular exercise just in case it was something with my health but in time i started thinking of ways to kill myself then that let me down the same road i was on before just pretend put on a smile.

i have also been isolating myself for awhile I've separated myself from friends and family i haven't spoken to any of my previous friends for two years but one day they contacted me i decided to meet up with them and i realized i didn't know these people anymore so i left and haven't spoke to them since. and then I'm slowing fading out my family's life.

all in all i'm slowly going disappear all together.

people tell me to get a life i ask them what is your classify as a life most people turn and say get your own home and family but i don't care about having my own home and i don't want to make any connections i.e family
ooppps I've waffled on long enough i don't use forums often now i think i know why

Listen to your thoughts, people! Believe me, I've been down about myself and my life for decades, and from that very long path I've come to realize that it's the thoughts that I give to myself that either raise my spirits or keep me down. I was angry about life for a very long time, then lost all motivation. People in my family passed away, another downer. I suddenly realized that I cannot live this way any longer, that I don't deserve a life where I'm feeling that everyone else deserves good things but I don't.

Typing positive things about myself has helped turn my thoughts around. It takes time. There are no quick fixes here. I set a timer because I know it requires discipline to sit down and do it. But I also know that I need positive messages to live a good life because they form the basis for the type of life I lead. Do I want to keep telling myself that I'm a loser and that there is nothing for me in the future? No, not anymore. I won't do that to myself any longer.

I've been to a number of therapists in my life who all tried to help me. But in the end I realized that it's what I think of myself that matters the most. It's like being addicted and going to rehab (i.e., therapy) and then, as soon as rehab is over, I'm back to using again (negative thoughts).

By the way, having a number of addictions didn't help either: drugs, alcohol, eating disorder. Just more ways to defeat myself. Those had to go from my life because they perpetuated negative thinking as well as being very destructive.

I have to look at myself as my own best friend, not my worst enemy.

What have I learned from going down the long road of negativity? That it feeds on itself and gathers speed as it goes downhill, that it's difficult to stop but that I had to stop it and fill my mind with positive thoughts. It started with a critical parent, and then I carried on from there, mindlessly, for a very long time until I realized I was nowhere in life. Now I'm slowly building myself up again, and with me it begins with my daily thoughts, the messages I give myself. Obviously putting myself down hasn't served me well.

Please tell yourself some positive things about yourself each day, something that you appreciate about yourself. I know it's tough to start on a different path because the more familiar way, though abusive, has become a deeply-ingrained habit. Start small and build up. Maybe type 5 minutes a day some positive things about yourself and then stop, instead of doing it for a longer period.

Listen, you deserve a great life, and you deserve to be valuable to your community and to society in general. But more than that, you deserve to have a trusted friend in life: YOURSELF. Give yourself the gift of loving thoughts. Quit the road to negativity. You're at the fork in the road. CHOOSE THE POSITIVE (from one who's been down the other path much too long).

What a similarity. Your story is an exact mirror image of what I feel from deep inside. Nothing motivates me. I feel like going for the ultimate kill (suicide) but don't have the courage to do so. Nothing encourages me and nothing interests me. Life seems to be a dull journey. A sort of emptiness and helpnessness is slowly killing me everyday. Living each day seems to be more painful than the previous one. A sort of hopelessness and helplessness is making numb everyday. What is the purpose of life. Why live this life which is not worth living. Why live the life where there is no true friend. There is no one with who I can share my grief. Life is a journey with no purpose to me. You go to school and some day you graduate then you earn a lot of money. You then get married but what's next? But then what's the purpose of all this. There is nothing that seems to motivate me. I am just waiting for the day I die, the day in which my life completes its circle. I wish I had the courage to jump from a building or hang myself. Oh! I am so worthless! I don't have the courage to do that as well. Somebody please kill me or present me a death. Will anyone? Only one death is all what I need and nothing more..................

Can you get some help??? This is beyond forum advice. Do you have a spiritual advisor of some kind? Do you have family that can help? If not, is there someone else close by? A suicide prevention hotline?

Life is worth living, but you have to take the steps to make it happen. Being in a downward spiral is not the way to go. Have you thought of getting antidepressants for the time being?

I offer my prayers for you. Please get help. There is help out there. Being alone is not a good idea. Look around, and you will see people who need your help in this world.

You are a very valuable person. You have gifts that the world needs. Please do not waste your life. A belief in reincarnation may reinforce the idea that taking your life would not ever be a good idea.

What caused all of your self-loathing? What is at the core of it? I would like to know.

concerndn, you just said a inner me "D
i completely understand and yes i do"3
sdan do u not get the point?..it is that there is no one to consult to, some people who are depressed has someone to talk to but for some certain unfortunate one, there is no one there for them, no one there for them to consult to, cause this person will tell that person, or this person will think of me as a weirdo, or i don't want to bother my family. 1 example, if i ever tell my parent about it...i would be beaten and or scold badly and which would make me more depressed;. Everyone is different frm another, their surroundings, their ability to do something and many many factors.

wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll i agree, try to think something positive, sometimes when i get ot laugh..ill just try to laugh with all i got....just to feel happier that day.

anyways, frm what i heard from you, i know you won't suicide, because there is still sumthing inside you, something that links to you that does not allow you to suicide..i hope this is you.cause this is me, so lets try to strive for a better life/ when something bad happens to you, become numb, n think..ugh..something bad happened again...just leave it..n the next day start a new/

CrimsonNight, I'm so sorry that your parents would beat or scold you for asking for help. You need love and support!!!!!

I used to think that all the people around me were more together than I was and that I was always the weirdo of the group. I was an absolute mess. Then I happened upon a job where I dealt with people from all walks of life. It was a real eyeopener to realize that people I thought had everything actually had the same problems everyone else had, the same doubts about themselves, the same fears.

Do you have something to set your sights on, like some goals to achieve? Something you can focus on that's positive? Being really focused on a goal helps take away fear as well as helps raise self-esteem.

One thing I like about Michael Jordan is the fact that he wanted to prove people wrong who put him down. He gave it all he could in basketball, and proving people wrong was one of his prime motivators.

Just start, a little each day, to get ahead in life. Of course there will be setbacks; those are to be expected. But don't let the setbacks keep you down. Just keep improving your life, little by little, by doing something kind for yourself each day, giving yourself some positive messages about yourself, something you really like about yourself. And then keep building up from there.

It used to be all or nothing with me. If I failed at one thing, I might as well have been a total failure. Then I would stop trying and would give up. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

I look at where I am and start from there because I know it's not a good idea to compare myself to others. I'm working on being my own best friend, treating myself with love and respect, watching what I put into my body and giving myself positive messages about myself no matter what type of day I've had.

CrimsonNight, treat yourself with love and kindness always, no matter what happens around you, no matter what negative messages you get from others. Just keep walking forward in life. You will start to attract people who want to help you and who are kind and trustworthy.

I wish you all the best!!!

just out of curiosity what happens to you if you fail to commit suicide do you get locked up in a white jacket or arrested and sent to prison.
just wanted to find what would happen to someone if they failed to kill themselves.

My sister tried to commit suicide many years ago, and she was able to get psychological help.

lg_lg_20, DON'T WAIT TO GET HELP. YOU NEED HELP; otherwise, why would you have constant thoughts of doing away with yourself? Those are not healthy thoughts.

Can you talk to someone at a suicide hotline??? Please do that. There could be an imbalance in your system also. My sister was bipolar, but we didn't know it at the time.

PLEASE take that first step and call the hotline. They would know what you could do to get help, and the low cost involved. You cannot be isolating yourself. You need to be a part of society.

Okay, I admit, life is difficult a lot of the time. There are so many ups and downs. Having a goal is important. You don't have to take giant steps. Just start small and build up, okay??? BUILD UP, not down.

Please tell us on this forum that you are getting help. You owe it to yourself to live a good life filled with joy and accomplishment, feeling proud of yourself for who you are.

PLEASE GET HELP NOW.

well cheers for the advice but unfortunately i don't want to help myself, i don't enjoy life, i don't want to exist.
i only decided to write on the forum because what the first person wrote it was very similar to how i feel.
I don't normally talk about it so this is a rare occasion,
but all the same cheers for the advice.

You sound like a very nice person, and therefore you need to be here on the planet with the rest of us!!!

What if you were to make a 180-degree turn and just walk the way of the positive? Have you ever given that a try? What's to lose?

What about taking some classes in meditation and yoga? Body, mind, spirit, the trinity.

Give life a chance, won't you????? The energy you expend on not wanting to live could be channeled into something wonderful, something artistic, creative, helpful to others. An art class??? A writing class???

Do you have a job? Are you going to school at all? How are you isolating yourself from people?

Okay, too many questions, I know, but it seems to me that you have too much to give in life to sit and feel that you shouldn't exist. Just my opinion.

thats my point i have nothing to give i basically homeless unemployed and there is nothing that comes to mind that i do enjoy i have no friends because i disappeared out of there lives all in all i don't even laugh anymore, i don't say your only like this because of your current situation no i have been this way for as long as i can remember which i guess is about 10-11 yrs maybe more.
as the forum header says i have no reason to live i don't effect people's lives anymore

Okay, look, there are places you can go to that would help you as a homeless, unemployed person. Every city has resources. Can you get help from them? 10 or 11 years - well, hmmm, that's how long it's been since I've had a date since my divorce, but I'm on my way to changing that at some point. There's just been a lot of fear.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!! It takes effort, I know. I mean, I haven't gone out on the dating scene so no wonder I'm the way I am. But don't look at the whole rest of your life as it is right now! Things can change for the better!!!

My last depression, I was in bed staring at the ceiling and seeing only a blank slate, nothing there for the rest of my life. It scared me so much that I finally decided to set some goals in order to get my life going again. I had to think, what is it that I enjoy doing??? Even the small things, think of those things. Sometimes I stop and say to myself, "Why am I doing this? What is it all for?" But then I realize that I've made a choice to go the positive route and to have a good life for myself.

You can change your life, lg_lg_20!!! Make it happen!!!!!

Hello, lg_lg_20, I've been thinking a lot about your homeless situation. I know this sounds crazy, but if you ever need a knitted hat to keep your head warm in the cold, I would like to knit you a hat and send it to you. That way you would know that someone out there cares for you. I wouldn't know where to send it, but maybe you could give me a general delivery address or something.

Let me know!!!