|What good will that do, do you think a pill will be able to replace having a will to live? Everyday all i see around me are new ways to die, new temptations. Cars speeding by, bridges with rock filled creeks far below, loose rope or wire hanging from a tree branch, when i drive i often think about speeding into a tree or a telephone pole or other cars, at work we use sharp knives and gas ovens, and at home... did you know that if you think hard enough about an object you can find a way to use anything to end life. Everywhere i look around me right now, i can see 100 ways to die. Each night when i sleep, the breif moments of nothingness are the only peace i've found. My dreams are amazingly vivid and real, i can feel, taste, smell and experience everything as thought it were real. Almost every night i dream about dying, i feel it, i live, i can't escape it.
I've died a thousand different ways in my dreams and each time i've felt the agony of every moment and i remember and relive it each time i wake.
It's not that i want or don't want to die, it doesn't matter to me at all infact, nothing matters anymore. my life has become so meaningless and empty and lonely that i no longer feel alive, i've become nothing. When you decided to change the name of my post you changed the whole point. I don't care about not having or having a reason to live, it makes no difference to me if tomorrow i die or if i don't.
I just don't know what to do anymore, what do i do if there is no reason for me to exist?