Hi all,

I've read a few threads on here, some offering great advice.

Basically, I'm 27 an my now ex boyfriend is 25. We only finished 2 days ago. When we first met, everything was great, fantastic sex life (it was all new to him), although it only last a few months, if that. About 5 months ago I noticed our sex life going down hill. It started off that he couldn't maintain an errection. We'd start having sex then he would lose the errection. When we first started going out, he would ALWAYS make the move. The last 5 months it's always been me, and the excuses have ranged from, he's tired, he's full of food, he's not fit, the latest one, which caused me to break up, was he felt too fat. He isn't fat, and he knows it.

2 months ago we almost broke up again because of this. Whenever I brought the subject up, he'd always get mad about it, said he had a low sex drive, didn't feel like it, doesn't know what's wrong, etc - the excuses are DIFFERENT every single time.

Every time I've made the first move, I've gotten rejected. I'm a very attractive girl with a very small, curvascios frame, there is no reason for him to reject me in regards to my body image. He always compliments me, tells me how stunning I am, that there is no-one on this earth for him that me, no-one he would rather be with, can't live without me, he is the PERFECT boyfriend in EVERYTHING, but when it comes to sex, he can't back those compliments up, and rejects me when I try. This in turn makes me go all quiet, creates an atmosphere then leads to an argument. How else am I supposed to deal with the embarrasment of being rejected by my own boyfriend, my self esteem being crushed, and the constant thought of me being the problem ? There isn't any other way. I can't even talk to him about it because every time I being it up, it makes him feel 'like a volcano awaiting to explode, because there really is nothing wrong with you at all, you are everything I want', but he won't show me, he won't make me feel like a woman.

Before he met me, he said he had a shag buddy who was apparantly 40 years old, he also had condoms in his drawer, when he met me. I did throw these, only because he didn't need them anymore, we clicked as soul mates, we knew and told eachother we were the one for eachother, I clicked with his family, and him with mine like we#ve never clicked with anyones before. His first serious relationship was of 4 years, and no sexual contact between them, at this time he was a virgin, and expressed to me, that he didn't know what sex was like then, so it didn't bother him that he should or shouldn't have it in this long relationship.

When we almost split because of this issue 2 months ago, I told him the reason for the desiscion was because of the sex life, which he knew, I sat him down and told him exactly how it was making me feel, how I was having to deal with it on my own, I felt unloved and unwanted, and told him the easiest way for me to stop feeling like this, was to detach myself from the relationship so I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore, it was the reaonable thing to do, for my own sanity. He didn't want us to finish, he claimed he didn't want to lose all the memories, pictures, laugh and things we've been through together in the last 10 months. I didn't want to either, we know we are the ones to be together and want to spend the rest of our lives together. He knew, I know, our families knew. But the rejection was getting too much for me to handle. He agreed he would work on it, my happiness was worth more than letting it carry on. He said he would see someone if he had to.

2 months went by, and now I'm here. Christmas was fabulous. This being our first of hopefully many. He absolutely spoiled me and spent a fortune on me, as did I on him, we knew we were both worth it. The day went well, we went to bed, and me laid in eachothers arms petteed and told eachother how much we are so in love with eachother. Then I started to touch him and said (as usual, I have to ask for it, because I get no front from him) 'shall we ?', he said yes. He got an errection in his pants, it was a very full on one, then it just went. His excue was that he felt too fat ! He knows he isn't, it was just an excuse, again, because the following morning when all hell broke lose, he gave me a different excuse due to the night befores incident. We didn't cuddle up that night after it happend, I just turned over, oh how I was embarrased, we hadn't seen eachother properly, as in stay the night at whoevers house, as he was working security, we had the perfect opportunity, it had been a month sinse we last had it, and I embarrasingly got rejected again, and when I turned over, I had to stop myself from crying, but couldn't stop thinking 'this is the last straw, I can't cope with this anymore, I feel absolutely repulsed by him'.

I know he loves me, no dount about that what so ever, but in the morning after saying he was pissed off with me going in a mood every time he didn't want to have sex with, and to finish it if I wasn't happy, yet I told him you never want me, you are messing with my head always rejecting me, I went home, so confused. I felt helplessm and dirty.

I remember the first time this issue came up, when it flattened when we started having sex. It upset me, but nothing has changed, no stress in jobs, I can't peice togther the condoms in the drawer in th epast, to him having a shag buddy, to the situation we've been in the last few months. He adores me, but he doesn't show me, he doesn't connect with me, even though the times we have, through struggle, he has told me the night, and the day after how amazing it was, so why is there a problem ?

My next point. I found a Porn DVD in his drawer a few months ago. My heart was broken when I found it. I could have curled up and died, I felt useless. I scratched the DVD through all the layers, so he couldn't watch it again. But I never mentioned I found it. HE has alot of porn history on his PC. I work in IT and fix computers for a living, so I know where information is held on a PC, and he knows this also, he know nothing about computers, but I checked times on cookies that he has viewed these porn sites during the period of this situation, and he's viewed them before he gets up in the morning, when he's home from work before I get these, and late at night when I'm not there. In the end, I had to put a setting on his browser, to delete all the history, cookies and cach, whenever he shuts his browner, so I could never find out. Ignorance is bliss ?

2 nights ago, we were exchanging texts, I told him I didn't want to lose him, he was my life and I was his. We were to meet up and have a chat about this, yet he said I dodn't know how we are going to work on this area. No positives, just negatives, not willing to work on it, more showing that he doesn't know if he can, more so, he is not willing to. Not even for me. I don't want sex all the time, christ yes I do have a very high sex drive, I love it (I don't sleep around and never have by the way), I love with when I'm in a loving relationship such as this one, but I don't want it every single night, I don't want it 2-3-4-5 times a day, I just want him to want me, like he used to, we've had many perfect opportunities when the mood is right, once a month I'd be happy with, but when I leave such a huge gap, then try again, I get nocked back. We have no iddes, we are loved up in every other area, life is great. I just don't understand what the issue is. When we had blows on the phone 2 nights ago, I asked him does he interested at all, in porn or masturbation, and does he combine the 2 ? He said yes, but not very often (so he says), I asked what is it that porn can give him that I cant, he said it's nothing to do with that, it' was just the time and the place, when I come home from work to relieve myself, but I don't do it very often, so I asked why can't he do it with me then, and he said because he's just not interested in sex, plain and simple.

I have spent almost the last 2 days stuck to the internet to find people in simular situations to find some answers. I'm even begining to think he is secretly gay, but I have never spotted any gay tendancies, I didn't ask him what he gay and he said no. I can't peice any of these up. I made the break because I cannot go on like this, I am feeling offended that he masturbates to porn, yet when it comes to me, he rejects me, so I know full well his old boy is in perfect working order, he's never had a problem with it. Hell when he touches my arse it goes BOING, but he still finds an excuse not to get physically intimate.

I love him and I miss him so much, we haven't contacted eachother, I'm sure he will in time though, after he has thought about how to word his communication properly, and I'm pretty sure he misses me too, I know he loves me, but I can't go back now, I've been in so much pain because of it.

Any ideas ?

I am so baffled.