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No interest in life. Depressed.

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I'm 38. My husband left me over a year ago after 15 years together. He claims there has been no passion for a very long time and he's right. We've cuddled, held hands, etc but nothing else for years. I chased him this past year like a fool, afraid to let him go. Afraid because I know that there is nothing else out there for me. Hurt by the abandonment. Always feeling abandoned.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no sexual drive. I have no interest in anything. Another reason he had to leave. I'm boring and uninterested in the world. I feel like this has been the way my whole life. I can't seem to LIVE. I feel dead inside.

Because of my foolish behavior this past year or so, I find myself broke, without a source of income, and worst of all- living in the spare room of my estranged husband's apartment. He says it is not out of pity, but what otherwise? I have no friends. My family is no comfort to me. I feel so lonely and dejected. I feel worthless. I often think of ending my life, but never have the nerve to do it. I feel like such a failure as a human being.

Since I was a teenager, I have seen various therapist and taken all kinds of anti-depressants. All to no avail. I can't find the will to live- or even to die. My life is torture. I am in Hell. I'm so confused all the time. I don't know how to feel, think, be. I feel empty inside. I am lost. I'm desperate. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure anything will help. I don't even know why I am writing now. I'm stuck. Spinning in circles.

I suppose I am reaching for comfort. I feel so alone. I've heard all the conventional advice- find a hobby, exercise, get counseling, positive thinking, etc. Nothing seems to help. Nothing feels right. I feel nothing but pain.
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First Helper suchasassygal
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replied January 14th, 2013
I also find it hard live, i have no drive everything seems pointless like it has no meaning i also feel the emptiness of life and find myself just struggling to keep myself occupied so i don't have time to think otherwise i think i would lose myself to that emptiness, i also find myself thinking of ending but to no avail.
but i do find it i suppose comforting that there is someone else out there like me because when your like this you do feel alone and you can't make other people understand because unless they have experienced it for themselves they truly don't know the emptiness.
i don't know i just feel need to talk to someone who can understand to some degree because we all have different story's but the feeling's are similar if not the same.
so if you would like to talk i'm not sure i'll be any help to you but ....... i willing to listen
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replied January 14th, 2013
Your truly not alone. Im in highschool and have no friends and have alwayas been the lonely girl that people point at and laugh at. I to have thought about ending it but cant do it. I cry almost everyday because i see other people with great lives and friends while im an outcast.
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replied January 18th, 2013
You must keep in mind that depression is just the act of differences in your brain's physiology. That because it's just a function of your body, it doesn't say anything about your accomplishments or entire being.

Depression makes the whole world feel oppressive, and it's hard to find significance for your actions in anything at all.. I've been on a quest to identify the meaning of life my whole life, and I find seeking something that's impossible to find just sets you in a perpetual circle where you feel less sufficient.

So something to try that I just started is seeing the point of living as maximizing happiness. That's all I can say with absolute certainty. Whether that may entail evoking happiness in others, improving yourself through some outlet, or a combination, I think that's all that we can say for sure without a question of a doubt that our lives are purposed for.

Just realize that so many people go through this same situation. Feelings are just a product of being humans, and certain people are more susceptible to being overcome by them. Don't be discouraged, just try for happiness and see how that works for you. And for the love of god, don't let yourself over-think something that doesn't have a definite answer.
Smile
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replied March 14th, 2013
I know I have looked at these posts a hole month later, but I can relate to everything that has been said. I had to move back in with my parents a couple of years ago now after a relationship breakup and was at a complete loss as to know what direction to take. I made a decession to go to Uni, as a mature age student and was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who attend that are 21 and over, there are all walks of life. The point being, I always get this picture in my head that I have failed because I never left school, got a good job, got married, had kids and have a white-picket fence life. I was a single mother for nine years and struggled and now my son's dad looks after him while I am trying to look after myself. You never know the direction that life will take, but I try to hold onto little glimmers of hope and tiny little joys in the day. Try and do the same, enjoy the tiny, trivial things that might give you joy. You are not alone. People like us that experience bad depression do not choose to feel this way, so don't let anyone make you feel like it is your choice. Start a tiny, little fire inside your belly and try and fight.
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replied November 18th, 2013
russell peters! comedy! comics. find ways to make yourself laugh. laugh at your own silliness. spend time with animals. smell good food. watch happy youtube videos. volunteer. balance bad thoughts with good ones. live, smile and be grateful each day!
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