I was just diagnosed as a bipolar II - and now that I am researching this, it is clear to me that I am a pretty classic case.

I have "been this way" for the last 15 years and although I pursued treatment for depression and anxiety at times, I finally gave it up and just learned to accept that this was how I am. I have hypomania periods that are great... tons of great ideas, massive productivity, totally overbooked my time with delusional confidence that I can "do it all" (I see the humor in this now), but I also cycled through having rage attacks and major irritability almost every month.

I just started taking Lamotrigine two days ago. I realized today that I don't know what "normal" is going to be like - and that scares me. I won't miss the angry periods nor the irritability, but I sure loved the highs I got (especially since they have become more intense over the last few years). I mean, I REALLY loved those highs. They were the juice of my life. And yet, I have nothing to show from those highs because I never finished anything, which left me feeling like a total failure/fraud/disappointment.

I feel like the old "me" will essentially have to "die" in order for the new, healthy me to show up. And I am scared about losing my old self. Is this common? Or was everyone else overjoyed to say "see ya!" to their bipolar side?

I feel like part of me is clinging to the bipolar side and I don't want that to impact my ability to heal. I know it is clearly in my best interest to get this dealt with. How did others reconcile this conflict?

Soucie