I am a 19 year old college student that, a matter of minutes ago, got back from being diagnosed with PTSD by a psychiatrist at the school counseling services. She expressed surprise that I had not been diagnosed sooner and was clear that the likely cause was the physical, mental, verbal, and sexual abuse I endured from a very young age by my family. She also made it clear that get through a theraputic approach to this was going to be very difficult, because so much of it is centered around being open and vulnerable and up until now my whole life has been about keeping myself safe from the next threat.

I don't know what to do, how to feel, what to think. I'm working with a wonderful therapist now but I've been so frustrated with myself as I still, after months of working with him, have trouble being completely open.

Do I tell my mom about this? Telling my dad is totally out of the question (I'll spare you the details on that one).

We talked about how it might be having an effect on my school work because it impacts my ability to process things in a timely manner under stress (that would explain why I'm always the last person to finish a test) even though she says I'm really intelligent when it comes to words and verbalizing things. It would be great to be able to have an easier time with that, but...talking to the diabilities service??? I dunno, I mean..don't get me wrong, one of my best friends has a learning disability, it's just, I don't know, I would feel like I was just coping out of having to work harder.

Its wonderful and terrible to take all at the same time. It's like after years of wandering aimlessly, someone has finally pointed me in the right direction and said, "Here's the road you need to take, and by the way, it's going to be a VEEEERY hard one."