I've recently been diagnosed with GAD and depression and currently on 15mg of Lexapro. As I sit here typing I feel really overwhelmed, tired and utterly hopeless. I apologise now if this is a long thread to read, but it really helps me to put my experience in writing.
My first attack I remember was about 10 years. I hated my job and boss and experienced an attack on the bus (going in to work) I felt like I couldn't breathe and my heart was racing. Getting off the bus and having fresh air in my face and taking deep breaths helped. I didn't suffer anything again until a few months later, again this time at work. The same symptoms and overall feeling unwell and not in control.
It wasn't till several years later that I experienced an attack again. Only this time my worries were centred on my infertility and the many years it took for me to have a child. I would constantly worry about never becoming a mother, having also experienced a miscarriage. The attacks were small in nature, only lasting a few minutes. i overcame them with deep breathing, support from my partner and the will to still try anything. Eventually I finally became a mother.
The subsequent attacks occured when my child was 6 months old and I returned to work part time. I have to work for financial reasons so it wasn't easy leaving him in care with my mother. I don't drive and had to travel a distance to drop him off. I experienced this attack on the train. I came close to asking a passenger to help me, but the symptoms - rapid heart rate that came on suddenly, stomach ache, head feeling like it's in a vice and burning sensation across my face and arms. These attacks came every few months, then weeks and now every 2-3 days a week. My child is now 3.
These recent attacks have been debillitating. Fear of death, fear of cancer, fear that I'm going to have a heart attack whilst out with my child. I wake up most mornings with an attack and I dress my child in a disassociative state, like tunnel vision, taking deep breaths to finish the task whilst my heart races. I also have GORD which exacerbates the heartburn, reflux and difficulty breathing.
I have been on Lexapro for 5 weeks now and have had some really awful days with depression, particularly when I haven't had quality sleep. I've been taking Larazopam half or 1mg tab to help with sleep but don't want to get addicted to it and want to learn how to sleep on my own again.
I hate feeling like this. I never thought that I would be a sufferer. Having experienced so much in the former years, I thought after having my child, life would be great. I hardly take him out unless someone is with us "just in case". It's like I'm waiting for the next attack. I know I shouldn't feel this but sometimes it comes out of nowhere - I was at the movies the other day, feeling relaxed and then an attack came - I felt the trigger in my gut like I was nauseous.
I came to this board today knowing that I will get support and understanding. I need my life back and would love to know how any of you are dealing with this and whether you have beat it and how?