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Q: New to sex & uncomfortable

asked by: sassy01 on April 16th, 2008

New User

Hi, I'm a little nervous about spilling out my information but I just thought it wouldnt hurt to get any feedback or help from others. I am 21 years old and lost my virginity 2 months ago. Me and my boyfriend are deeply in love with each other and he was my first. First time was painful but no bleeding because of my hymen being popped during an accident couple of years back. The sex only lasted less than 5 minutes for my first time, second time it lasted the same. It was just hurting too much to continue longer. After having sex a couple of times the pain wasn't so painful, I than tend to feel only the penis in my vagina back and forth, no pleasurable feeling at all. I could feel myself getting wet but no good feeling, also I can still feel this unbearable pressure (sorta like a painful sting) towards my anal. Like it was pushing towards my butt pretty much. He tried not sticking it all the way in but it helped a little but also I could still feel it a couple of times. I mean sex... it has gone better or as you can say approved better after a couple of times. But it's not pleasurable for me still and still have a problem with that small painful pressure, but other than that, thats it. I'm not giving up on sex, heck no, I eventually would LOVE to have great sex, I guess it just gonna take some time and practice. I just thought maybe someone could put in any advice for me on what they think I should do. Thanks!!

Replies(18)

coliejo

replied on April 16th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

try foreplay bofore sex to make yourself more in the mood. Also, sometimes I get that pain towards my anus like you were describing and if we try a different position sometimes it helps.

Rosie H

replied on April 16th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

try exploring oral sex. Allow him to pleasure you orally first before sex. I have a problem with being too tense because I have vulvar vestibulitis. So when I am tense my vagina closes...lol. Seriously though. So what my hubby does is make sure I am fully aroused by giving me oral sex. Sometimes he brings me to orgasm. After that my vaginal walls are "loose" and ready for sex. So when he enters me I only feel pleasure not the pressure of his penis. I hope this makes sense.

You could also give him oral pleasure. this can be a huge turn on for him and you. I know it helps get me going. Just try different things. If you dont like it then move on to something else. But I think thr trick for you would be to get fully aroused and do not rush into intercourse.

Maddie34

replied on April 16th, 2008

Moderator

Whether you decide to do loads of foreplay or not, I'd get a bottle of lube. I don't know why but after foreplay I tend to dry up and if that were to happen to you it certainly wouldn't make the sex any better.

Definetly try some different positions, if you're not really comfortable trying new positions then just tell your guy to change his angle just a little bit, or shift your hips until you feel a spot you like. If your tensing before your guy enters you then that could cause some pain too. Try being on top or use your hand to guide him in so you have control and can find something you enjoy.

You could also try some clitoral stimulation during sex too.

sassy01

replied on April 16th, 2008

New User

Ive done almost everything that ya'll have adviced and I thank you for giving me some advice. We do tons of foreplay and oral sex and use a lot of lubrication. I try not to be nervous and I tend to get aroused when we foreplay but I get dry easily too, but soon I tend to get wet after a while and I don't even feel it sometimes, lol. Even though I don't get much pleasure from it, I make sure that my man gets it in return. He is so worrying about getting me pleasurable sex and really wants me to have an orgasm but he knows my issue and we are really trying. Just don't really know what else to do.

coliejo

replied on April 16th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

just relax and enjoy it, i know you have tried that I'm sure and it is harder than it seems. you could try like someone was saying about guiding him in to you. also being on top might help. it takes women (usually) alot longer to have an orgasm, if they ever do.

Maddie34

replied on April 16th, 2008

Moderator

Well you need to lubricate in the beginning, like right before he enters you. Because if you start when you're dry then you'll get sore and nothing is going to feel good if it’s already irritated. So even if you know you'll get wet later, you're better off making sure you START lubricated. Put lube on yourself AND his penis.

Have you had an orgasm before? Do you stimulate your clit during sex? You didn't say. You could have him do it, or just do it yourself!

coliejo

replied on April 16th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

you could also add lube in the middle if you feel yourself becoming dry

sassy01

replied on April 16th, 2008

New User

Yeah we use a lot of lubricant b4 sex on me and on him. I never had a orgasm can't really have one if you don't feel anything or enjoy sex, also we do lots of clitoris stimulation, defiantly in oral sex. Occasionally it feels good and sometimes I would shiver, but than it goes away. Some times my vagina does feel sore after being continuously being rubbed on or during oral sex. When this happens I attend to avoid sex and just stop and take a break for a couple of days to give me back my feeling down there. Trust me we use lubricant a lot b4 and during sex. But then I tend to get wet and sometimes I can't feel it and he would tell me that Im extremely wet that it would literally slowly come out of my vagina during sex. Weird I can't feel it. Even talked to my gynocologyst but she pretty much told me things I already knew.

Maddie34

replied on April 17th, 2008

Moderator

How often or do you masturbate? Learning how to get yourself to orgasm will really help out your sex life. Learn what you like for yourself. Then you can help your partner. I wasn't able to enjoy sex until I figured out how to properly masturbate and get myself to orgasm.

I don't really like oral sex, so I pretty much make sure we skip right to sex.

Rosie H

replied on April 17th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

well since you have tryed everything, with the exception of masterbation (not sure if you have)then I would suggest you see a specialist. Maybe there is nerve damage or maybe something tramatic happened to you? I experienced painful sex which did not allow me to enjoy it. I went to doctors for years until I finally found someone. He specifically studied the vulva. He was not a regular gyno and I had to be referred to him. But try looking up The Vulva Clinic. Its based here is AZ but there are links for other organizations all around the country.

Maybe someone that studies and researches disorders with the vulva and vagina can help you more than a gyno. I saw three gynos and no one came close to helping me.

The solution for me was estrogen replacement. Once I got on that I was pain free and never had so much sex in my life.

Good luck and dont give up!

sassy01

replied on April 17th, 2008

New User

Lord I hope nothing is wrong with me like that, I just hope its goes away soon. Its not painful for me just not much of a feeling kind of thing. Also I don't masterbate really at all, bc I'm never in the mood bc I can't feel anything and I don't see a point. But I tried a couple of time and nothing really at all. I even bought myself a dildo, bc my bf thought it would help me, but I only used it twice and both time I couldn't even feel it go in much and didn't really do anything for me. I could try see a specialist but that would mean more money and more time.

xbostonx

replied on April 18th, 2008

Experienced User

Try foreplay before having sex. Make sure the vagina is wet before the penis is inserted or it is going to hurt. You still might be thinking to much which can cause pain in it self because your not into the sex. Also make sure you leave enough time in between sex so your vagina can have a break since you are new to sex.

LadyKitten

replied on April 18th, 2008

Experienced User

You said you didn't bleed during your first time becuase of an accident that happened that broke your hymen. Could this accident have caused other problems which is why you don't feel anything, even when you masturbate? I normally don't orgasm while masturbating if all I'm doing is sticking a dildo in me. I usually need a vibrator to simulate my clit for that. The two together do an even more amazing job. Try getting a small viberator to just stimulate your clit. If you don't feel anything pleasurable, there's got to be something wrong and I'd have it looked at.

Good luck.

sassy01

replied on April 18th, 2008

New User

First I wanna really thank you all for putting in ur inputs. I have an appointment with my gynecologist in a month from now and hopefully she can take another close look to see if there's any problems.
I have a dildo thats called the petite rabbit or something like that, it has a cliterois tickler and the dildo that vibrates, that has like 6 stages. Haven't really used it well enough. My accident wasn't that serious that caused my hymen to break, when it did I got checked and they told me nothing was wrong besides a little swellen from my accident. I don't know, I do thank of sex and I do wanna have great sex, I try my best to not be nervous or think about too much. Hopefully its just a phase that will go away soon.

Rosie H

replied on April 18th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I hope nothing is wrong either, but it would not hurt to see what the doctors have to say because above all else there has to be a reason you cant feel. Maybe once you really know why you will feel better about sex in general. Please keep us posted.

Oh sounds like you have an awesome BF, hes a keeper!

louisedelafreemz

replied on April 22nd, 2008

New User

Ive recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend, however my first time was not painful whatsoever! I couldnt even tell whether it was in and he doesnt have a small penis. I to do not get anything from sex, the first couple of times i couldnt feel anything but now i can a little. I think that it will just get better in time when you get to know what each other likes. With the pressure feeling that you get, i get this too. Its your bf hitting your cervix(the enterance to your womb) this can be quite uncomfortable and sometimes hurt. therefore each time tell him not to go all the way in and after a while you should get used to it. I still have not had an orgasm yet but hopefully in time i will! Hope ive been helpfull!!

sassy01

replied on April 29th, 2008

New User

Thank you so much for your help, (I mean everyone). I will keep ya'll posted on what happens, apparently I moved my appointment in August now...to see my gynecologist. I'm on birth control now......and oh my god my perscription is 50 dollars each month. I believe thats too damn much for birth control and hopefully I can get something a lot cheaper. Thanks...bye!!

LadyKitten

replied on April 29th, 2008

Experienced User

What BC is it? I'm on Ortho Tri-cyclen and they are only $17 per month. Some women's clinics will provide free birth control if you do not have benefits that will cover any medications. If you find $50 a month is too much, ask for another brand or try a women's clinic. See what they can do. There's no reason women shouldn't be on birth control just because they can't afford it.

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