My heart goes out to you. I don't have bipolar disorder but 2 of my children do so I live with this disorder with my children. What you describe is pretty typical of what many people with bipolar disorder go through. It is indeed a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Are you from the USA? If you have not applied for medicaid then you should try to do so. If you are not in the USA I don't know what programs are available. Have you applied for disability? This can be a long process so it may be wise to investigate it, if you have not already. The other thing you can try is write or call the drug company that makes the medications you take. Explain your situation. Many times they will provide the medication free or greatly reduced in price. Ask your doctor for samples. If the doctor does not have any request that he/she ask the drug reps for samples. This is common practice and the doctor can pass the samples on to you.

Give your medication time. One month may not be quite long enough to have the medication reach full efficacy. If you don't see more improvement in the next couple of weeks you should contact your doctor and let him/her know this. Do a web search for a mood chart. You will find many different types. Pick one that works for you and fill it in. This will help you keep track of your moods and is a good tool to see your progress with medications. The doctor will find this useful.

Hang in there. It does get better. Hugs!

The scary part is that I totally understand everything you have written...lol. Lets break it down a bit. Lotus, you need to get back in and get a further medication adjustment to slow the racing thoughts a bit so that you are better able to grasp the thought. This is probably the biggest reason you are finding it hard to work out everything else.

The other thing to point out is that most medications can and do take up too 6 to 8 weeks to get to therapeutic range, meaning getting the most from the medications. It's very important not to miss a dose or self-medicate with any of your medications, I call it playing Russian roulette.

Anitgone gave you some sound advice with medicaid if you live withing the USA and your income and assets meet the requirements. Another option is if you have been in and out of the hospital (mental health units) you maybe able to apply for SSI if you have never been employed or SSDI if you can show a work history.

Both of these take time and are a process. I would recommend you get a good attorney that deals with this on a regular bases. If you get it...Medicare comes with it and at that point you can pick the drug plan that suits you best. You are still being charged for it (around 70.00 a month taken right from your check) but still cheaper than paying all out of pocket.

Another choice is to get the Wal-Mart print out of their 4.00 medications and bring it in on your nest appoint with your psychiatrist. They (Wal-Mart) have added a lot of psych medications to this list in the last year. They are usually the older proven bipolar medications that have generics out and have been used long enough to show that they do work.

If you need more help with any of these...just drop me a message. First things first, we need to get those racing thoughts quelled. Make an appointment today to get in with your psychiatrist for a medications adjustment.

i have so many things to think about during the day and my life is a bit diferent then yours but i live with this terrible demon inside of me and just comes out whenever it wants..... why???? they call it biopolar I disorder... so ok a fancy name i'm still f*$!*^ crazy it's breaking up my family,my marriage my life......why? i don't even know how to live a normal life .i don't even understand myself sometimes.i want to get out of my head it'z full of negative thoughts and i have kids and i get so fustrated so i got meds for that but sometimes i just want to escape from my own family... give up....i need help i tried everything.... HELP????????????

marquita,

You may want to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. It does not sound like you are stable yet. Perhaps a different medication or an different dose of your present medication is needed. It takes time. No treatment plan works for all people.

Have you tried therapy? Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you to think differently about things and thus change your behaviors.

Please, don't give up. Your children need you. Talk to your spouse. There needs to be a group effort to manage this disorder. Support and love will help you manage this.

I hope this helps. Consider going to the doctor to have your medication evaluated again.