New boyfriend - BP should I run now?
I have been dating a man for about three weeks. He was upfront with me right away about being BP. He is on medication and is big on communication. I don't know much about BP and went on line, read about it, and compiled several questions for him. He was glad I looked things up and was open to my questions.
Though he has been pretty great so far, he has shown a few signs that seem to be pretty common. He's already said he loves me, calls me at all hours, and has gotten snippy with me twice over what I really couldn't say. He's been critical of me, saying "not to be rude, but you really need to lose some weight, hun" and not letting go of it for two days, even though I've been steadily losing weight for months and am about 20 pounds from my goal. He'll say he just wants to make sure I keep healthy but then continue to nag. He has also cancelled on me more than not because he doesn't feel well (he did have a cold), but he turned around and went back home when he was almost at my house. He changes his mind a lot and it's frustrating.
But the sweet side, which I've seen more than the down side, is so fantastic. We are both 37 and I am newly divorced with two kids. He says he's always wanted a family and wants to meet them. It seems kind of quick to me so I've put it off a bit. They are 3 and 5.
The threads on the various websites have really freaked me out though. I'm wondering if he will be like so many others and just dump me out of the blue. Love comes with risks, whether or not BP is involved, but I wonder if the risk is too great? I'd love some advice, feedback, thoughts, etc. I'm smitten with him. sigh...
Though he has been pretty great so far, he has shown a few signs that seem to be pretty common. He's already said he loves me, calls me at all hours, and has gotten snippy with me twice over what I really couldn't say. He's been critical of me, saying "not to be rude, but you really need to lose some weight, hun" and not letting go of it for two days, even though I've been steadily losing weight for months and am about 20 pounds from my goal. He'll say he just wants to make sure I keep healthy but then continue to nag. He has also cancelled on me more than not because he doesn't feel well (he did have a cold), but he turned around and went back home when he was almost at my house. He changes his mind a lot and it's frustrating.
But the sweet side, which I've seen more than the down side, is so fantastic. We are both 37 and I am newly divorced with two kids. He says he's always wanted a family and wants to meet them. It seems kind of quick to me so I've put it off a bit. They are 3 and 5.
The threads on the various websites have really freaked me out though. I'm wondering if he will be like so many others and just dump me out of the blue. Love comes with risks, whether or not BP is involved, but I wonder if the risk is too great? I'd love some advice, feedback, thoughts, etc. I'm smitten with him. sigh...
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Last night he called and we talked a few times. One of the times he sounded very serious and said "we need to talk". He said he checked me out (background) and wanted to ask me about the few misdemeanors I had. Let me be clear - I have NO misdemeanors. I'm wondering if this is a paranoia assocaited with BP, or just part of his personality. I guess that's what I'm trying to differentiate, in general; things that are just his personality and things that are his BP. To be fair, I then told him that he should know I did a search on the Megan's Law website to make sure he wasn't a sexual offender. I'm not BP so maybe he is just being careful. He did say he's been hurt a lot in the past by people who lie to him, but I thought getting my credit and background check was a little extreme...or maybe he is just making it up? I've read that a lot of people with BP are chronic liars...but I've only read this on forums and again - maybe that isn't BP related, but the individual's personality? I'm tempted to quit reading the forums because I'm now reading into everything he does and that's not fair to him.
Anybody have a comment? I'd really like to get some feedback. Thanks!
Anybody have a comment? I'd really like to get some feedback. Thanks!
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It sounds to me like its not just bipolar. My father had schizophrenia and did things like that. He could also have a personality disorder. This is a red flag to me...
I don't think I would personally continue if he's already like this so early on. I think he has a more serious disorder than he is telling you and it will only get worse.
I've got bipolar and I don't lie or make thing up like that. I do get confused and fear my husband might be cheating now and then, but what wife wouldn't if their man never initiated sex? I think now that its just because I have such a high drive...he has no reason to initiate when I do more than he can handle. Anyhow...maybe that sounds like paranoia, but I don't think so. Also, I would never cheat! If I can keep myself from going astray I don't see why others don't?
I don't think that is bipolar...I think bipolar causes you to feel a certain way and how you react is your concious choice. I have had fantasies, but they are just in my head. That doesn't hurt anyone, and if porn is being used well as long as your needs are being met I don't see a problem with it.
I guess only you can decide what is too much for you to bear and go from there. I just hope you are not blinded by love and don't miss any warning signs that might point out danger.
Good luck!
I don't think I would personally continue if he's already like this so early on. I think he has a more serious disorder than he is telling you and it will only get worse.
I've got bipolar and I don't lie or make thing up like that. I do get confused and fear my husband might be cheating now and then, but what wife wouldn't if their man never initiated sex? I think now that its just because I have such a high drive...he has no reason to initiate when I do more than he can handle. Anyhow...maybe that sounds like paranoia, but I don't think so. Also, I would never cheat! If I can keep myself from going astray I don't see why others don't?
I don't think that is bipolar...I think bipolar causes you to feel a certain way and how you react is your concious choice. I have had fantasies, but they are just in my head. That doesn't hurt anyone, and if porn is being used well as long as your needs are being met I don't see a problem with it.
I guess only you can decide what is too much for you to bear and go from there. I just hope you are not blinded by love and don't miss any warning signs that might point out danger.
Good luck!
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Thanks so much for the response! And yes, having occassional fears that your hubby is cheating if he isn't initiating is totally understandable! (especially if you are in your 30's and your drive is higher than his!)
What parts of what I described are red flags to you? I'm glad to hear from you about the lying and cheating. I read so much about that on the forums that I was freaked out - but then decided that didn't mean it was the BP that caused it.
Thanks again for the response!
What parts of what I described are red flags to you? I'm glad to hear from you about the lying and cheating. I read so much about that on the forums that I was freaked out - but then decided that didn't mean it was the BP that caused it.
Thanks again for the response!
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Thanks so much for the response! And yes, having occassional fears that your hubby is cheating if he isn't initiating is totally understandable! (especially if you are in your 30's and your drive is higher than his!)
What parts of what I described are red flags to you? I'm glad to hear from you about the lying and cheating. I read so much about that on the forums that I was freaked out - but then decided that didn't mean it was the BP that caused it.
Thanks again for the response!
What parts of what I described are red flags to you? I'm glad to hear from you about the lying and cheating. I read so much about that on the forums that I was freaked out - but then decided that didn't mean it was the BP that caused it.
Thanks again for the response!
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My first husband and father of my children was bi-polar. I have to say that the best thing I got out of it was to be able to appreciate a good man when I finally got one. !!! You have two young children ! That was the biggest factor in getting me out of that relationship even though I was so smitten and determined to help him. A bi-polar man can seem very intriguing at first because they do have extreme highs and lows, its exciting in a way maybe. Being a mother of young children makes you instinctively want to nurture this guy. You said He is in love and screwing with your emotions after 3 weeks? You are 37 years old, when your children grow older and he is still being a ridiculous child you will sorry you wasted time with him. Its great that he is on medication and has been diagnosed but it will not stop him from using his "condition" as a crutch to be abusive.
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You're right. I do feel the urge to nurture him. I'm going to slow things down and continue holding off on him meeting my kids. There's something about him that compells me to stick around - for now, anyway
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Hi stacked, your welcome. 
I'm no expert, but the way he made up the background check information makes me think he has a psychosis, not just paranoia. My father would go into psychotic episodes where he thought he could fly, became very violent and destroyed property, and even glued my mother shut...
Yeah, all this was before I can remember, but I've heard all the stories. I have had very little contact with him since I was about 12 due to the fact that he molested me.
I never saw that coming, and neither did anyone else. If they had just been more careful and explained things to me...if they hadn't of let me sleep over.
Somehow your description just gave me the willies. Just be careful, make sure you truly know what your getting into and take precautions. My dad isn't on any lists either because he ran away when he was supposed to go to trial.
I don't want to scare you, just...make sure he only has bipolar and not something much more involved. Or at least make sure you are 100% aware of his particular illness so that you can be prepared.
Perhaps he would be up to having you come to a psyc doc visit so you can 'better help him'.
I really hope things work out for you!
I'm no expert, but the way he made up the background check information makes me think he has a psychosis, not just paranoia. My father would go into psychotic episodes where he thought he could fly, became very violent and destroyed property, and even glued my mother shut...
Yeah, all this was before I can remember, but I've heard all the stories. I have had very little contact with him since I was about 12 due to the fact that he molested me.
I never saw that coming, and neither did anyone else. If they had just been more careful and explained things to me...if they hadn't of let me sleep over.
Somehow your description just gave me the willies. Just be careful, make sure you truly know what your getting into and take precautions. My dad isn't on any lists either because he ran away when he was supposed to go to trial.
I don't want to scare you, just...make sure he only has bipolar and not something much more involved. Or at least make sure you are 100% aware of his particular illness so that you can be prepared.
Perhaps he would be up to having you come to a psyc doc visit so you can 'better help him'.
I really hope things work out for you!
|
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You marked this post as helpful! I changed my mind
Hi stacked, your welcome.
I'm no expert, but the way he made up the background check information makes me think he has a psychosis, not just paranoia. My father would go into psychotic episodes where he thought he could fly, became very violent and destroyed property, and even glued my mother shut...
Yeah, all this was before I can remember, but I've heard all the stories. I have had very little contact with him since I was about 12 due to the fact that he molested me.
I never saw that coming, and neither did anyone else. If they had just been more careful and explained things to me...if they hadn't of let me sleep over.
Somehow your description just gave me the willies. Just be careful, make sure you truly know what your getting into and take precautions. My dad isn't on any lists either because he ran away when he was supposed to go to trial.
I don't want to scare you, just...make sure he only has bipolar and not something much more involved. Or at least make sure you are 100% aware of his particular illness so that you can be prepared.
Perhaps he would be up to having you come to a psyc doc visit so you can 'better help him'.
I really hope things work out for you!
I'm no expert, but the way he made up the background check information makes me think he has a psychosis, not just paranoia. My father would go into psychotic episodes where he thought he could fly, became very violent and destroyed property, and even glued my mother shut...
Yeah, all this was before I can remember, but I've heard all the stories. I have had very little contact with him since I was about 12 due to the fact that he molested me.
I never saw that coming, and neither did anyone else. If they had just been more careful and explained things to me...if they hadn't of let me sleep over.
Somehow your description just gave me the willies. Just be careful, make sure you truly know what your getting into and take precautions. My dad isn't on any lists either because he ran away when he was supposed to go to trial.
I don't want to scare you, just...make sure he only has bipolar and not something much more involved. Or at least make sure you are 100% aware of his particular illness so that you can be prepared.
Perhaps he would be up to having you come to a psyc doc visit so you can 'better help him'.
I really hope things work out for you!
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Wow, you've had a tough life! I'm so sorry to hear.
I'm glad you mentioned that he may have something in addition to BP. I might just outright ask him - but carefully!
I'm glad you mentioned that he may have something in addition to BP. I might just outright ask him - but carefully!
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My advice to you is not to make hasty decisions...marriage for example. I thought my boyfriend was fine the first year i dated him. Sure he was a bit moody but in the end...he was showing signs of schizophrenia...he was good at manipulating me and using his disabilities to get my sympathy so that i would stay with him. It seems like a dream at first but to know who this person really is, you need to spend more time with him and don't get your hopes up for a normal relationship. You may find that as time goes on,he will treat you more like a bratty teen treats his mother. anyways... good luck to you and hope this doesn't end up being the case for you.
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Just an update - I broke up with him a few days ago. He took it ok and I didn't hear from him and then he called last night and left a message saying how much he loved me and how bummed he is. Basically, I still care about him but he has displayed some behavior that made me uncomfortable and I need to put my kids first. They haven't met him and I think some of the things he does will scare and/or confuse them.
I feel very badly for him though. It's so sad to me that he will probably be alone because he battles BP and will forever. The older we get, the less drama we put up with so unless he can get it together, he may be alone. Just makes me sad for him because he is a good person. If I didn't have my kids, I'd consider going along for the ride.
I feel very badly for him though. It's so sad to me that he will probably be alone because he battles BP and will forever. The older we get, the less drama we put up with so unless he can get it together, he may be alone. Just makes me sad for him because he is a good person. If I didn't have my kids, I'd consider going along for the ride.
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don't let your sympathy for his "condition" allow you to ruin your life. Guys that are like this will lie and cry as much as they need to control dynamic women. As strong as you believe you are, there is always a weakness to "help" a needy man. Kinda damsel in distress in reverse. Congrats on breaking it off and yes your children would b scared and confused. My kids watched my ex set a car on fire in the front yard.... Look for funny, there is nothing better than having a laid back healthy guy that loves to make you laugh everyday! You'll live longer!! HaHa
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This page was last updated on Jun 19, 2013.
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