No, this isn't bad. I would kill for a guy who has never kissed a girl. It's a huge turnoff for me if I know my guy has had a big past with women.

Get involved in some activities in your community. You won't find a girlfriend if your not trying! You also need to know how to handle rejection, don't automatically start beating yourself up if you're rejected, just move on. Everyone gets rejected, trust me.
You'll find a girl sooner or later. And she will be thrilled that your not a manwh*re.
I would be.

wow thats cool that means your a virgin someone will love to have you that means no stds or baby momas or nothin

cpvlakas,
It is defintely okay to be 20 and not have had a gf yet or even kissed one. Like who said that you had to have this by now anyway. What's really important is that you get out and meet people and when you find the right person, or perhaps she will find you, then you will know and things will happen naturally. Don't fret over this, just get there and see what happens.

Wendy

that's not so bad. when i was 20 i slept with a bunch of looses, had 2 stds and i was going through my "i hate men" stage would you like to switch?

are you quiet, shy? do you go out alot? if you dont you should this is the only way your going to meet someone.
i met nice guys on a dateline when i was in my 20's.

This is what kind of bothers me though; 23, I've had one girlfriend but that was long distance so we never got to do anything physical, I was saving up for a trip out to see her, but she lost interest and cheated on me instead. So at this point I've never even had a first kiss; if I ever find a girl that actually wants to sleep with me she won't have to worry about me having STDs or kids or sleazy exes, but I will. I always wanted to share that moment with another virgin, just sort of help each other along, but I'm fairly certain there aren't anymore my age. I just keep thinking that there's got to be a point where this stops being and endearing trait and women just start finding an inexperienced lover to be irritating when he can't satisfy them. It just seems to me that once you pass a certain age, women will assume there must be something wrong with you if you haven't been able to do anything yet.

Yes this is a problem.
You are looking at one of two scenarios:
1) You are interested in sex but you aren't having luck. This could simply be a lack of confidence preventing you from doing the work of finding someone you love. It's also possible that you are struggling with a disorder that is sabotaging your attempt to connect with women. You shouldn't go through life wanting things or feeling that you can't have them. It's just a horrible way to live. Try harder to connect with women if you want to be with them. If you run into roadblocks read books and consult friends about picking up women and talk with a counselor or analyst about your difficulties.
2) You are not especially interested in sex. This could be really great for you. A sex drive tortures a man as much as gives him pleasure, causes all kinds of problems in his life. You're certainly no worse off. However you may have difficulty maintaining an intimate relationship with someone if you can't connect with your sexuality. More seriously this could be a symptom of a more serious problem. Definitely talk about to your doctor about low or no sex drive and get his help evaluating any risks and solutions.

No I'm definitely interested in sex, the only relationship I've had was long distance but we talked about it constantly, at least before she started to lose interest. We had done things like talked about what we'd like to try and how we'd like our first time together to go, and even cybered a few times. I was trying to save up so I could move back to where she is but every time I started building up a little money something bad would happen like I'd wind up going to the emergency room or needing a new transmission, and my savings would get drained. I waited a long time with her, thinking we were saving things for each other, but she apparently didn't want to wait any longer. Now I'm back at square one, a bit older but still a virgin, feeling pretty betrayed and a lot more frustrated and lonely.

Long distance dating is hard. It takes a lot of energy and it does require contact pretty often. Wheather or not you feel you can blame her for not waiting it's important to move on. Despising her for betraying you is going to sabatoge you from moving forward.
I'd suggest you look for someone in your area. Someone you can be there for in short notice. Ideally you want your girlfirend to be within about 2 hours of the home. Go to local events, check singles sites for women in your area.

I know, it just kills me that I wasted so much time with her, she said she stopped loving me 2 years ago, she was just waiting to find someone else. I thought we were getting distant and kept wanting to talk about it but she insisted that she just wasn't feeling well and still loved me and everything, all the way up until she found someone else. So I've basically wasted at least the last 2 years of my life, miserable as hell while she's happy with someone new.

This would be the unhelpful attitude that is going to sabotage you that I mentioned. You need to allow her to go. Be thankful you didn't waste more time with her, be thankful of the things you learned from this phase of your life, but the only way you can really lose in this relationship is if you keep spending time being hurt by her that you should be using to move forward in your life.

Concentrate on the possibilities of meeting someone rather than dwelling on your pain.

I know, I try not to dwell on it but it usually hits me late at night when I'm alone with nothing to distract me. It's just hard to stay positive when it feels like you're so far behind everyone else.

It's not a race man. And really so much of this is in your mind.
I'm not fond of the idea but it may actually help you if you simply have your problem taken care of professionally. You seem to be very hung up on your virginity. If you get it out of your way it may allow you to move on with the more important parts of your life.

Well it's not so much the idea of the virginity (although being 23 and not even having your first kiss yet is somewhat humiliating) but rather the idea of sharing that experience of losing it with someone. I want to share that with someone special, I really do, but I just think that by the time I find someone who would want me physically, they'll have already had enough sex that it's a mundane experience for them and they'll be more irritated at my lack of skill than anything. I never had a first kiss, I didn't go to prom, I didn't have a high school sweetheart; I just seems that I've missed out on all the great moments in life so far, and this is yet another one I'm not going to get. What really kills me is that this one was within my grasp, I had someone who wanted to share her virginity with me too, but then all that was just taken away.

Oh my gosh
Dante I don't know what to tell you Dante.
Look at it this way. In an American High School 3 out of every 5 girls are virgins, less in Europe, slightly more in Africa, South America. Asia fluctuates a lot. Figure that that number drops by 40% every year those girls are out of High Shcool. Most likely you can count the number of virgin women of your age in your city on two hands. There are even less that are older and not a whole lot more of them that are younger. You are really narrowing your field of available women here.

Additionally people don't tend to remain virgins by choice. Some are adamantly saving themselves for marraige, not a lot of them are still unmarried at 23. And even if you find one you will continue to wait until you marry. If you are not of their religion this may not be a possibilty at all. Others are virgins because of obstacles they face sexually. These are the same obscacles you will face in initiating sex with them and obstacles that will likely remain in your relationship. If you'd like to start having the experiences in life that you lament have illuded you I think it is important that you not put restrictions on your dating life. Look for people that you connect well with as people and don't get hung up on their virginity status.

I'm not really putting limits on who'd I date, just lamenting over yet another lost experience. I'm mostly wondering if there's a point you can cross where you just lose the ability to have a satisfying sexual relationship with someone. Let's face it, if I'm still a virgin at a certain age, and not by my own choice, then there has to be something wrong with me.

Most people stop having satisfying sex around 70 - 90 but many people die much earlier.

There's absolutely something wrong with you man. You are wound up about issues that really aren't that important in the grand scheme of your life. You are building roadblocks to intimacy and getting anrgy when things don't work. Like I said up above. If the drive is there to have sex and it's still not happenning you have to look at why you're not engaging women with the regularity and confidence that will result in a sexual relationship. Talk to male friends, identify what they're doing differently that works for them. If it doesn't seem possible seek counselling to find out where and why you're sabotaging your efforts.

I've known men well into their 30's that have lost their virginity. Not only is there a woman out there that wants to have sex with you but there are more than you ever imagined. Like most things in life it is simply a matter of determination and approach.

Hey now--why are you telling this man there is something worngwith him becuaswehe wants to wait to have sex.. When a few psots up you said-
You are not especially interested in sex. This could be really great for you. A sex drive tortures a man as much as gives him pleasure, causes all kinds of problems in his life. You're certainly no worse off.

I gotta ask are you male or female because to me you write like a man who is angry at life and women and keeping a spiritualy healthy life style in sexuality makes you upset..

Why is it so important to push sex? Why not push understnding and tell people it's ok..That's what makes life so interstanding is diversity in our lives..

Not everyone enjoys having sexually issues pushed down their throats so to speak when all they are saying is -it's hard to be single and keep self pure in this way for their future mate..

Dante honey--there are women out their..There is even a virgin woman over 29 on this site if you read well you will find her..Who knows-maybe you guys can just be friends..kd

Well thanks for the abusive judgmental criticisms and reducing my advice to some sort of gender-based rhetoric but it might benefit Dante a bit more if you concentrate on the advice more and the cheap insults less.

I suppose I'm advocating Dante seek help in overcoming this obstacle in his life because it's making him miserable and in the process of overcoming it he may figure out why he is sabotaging himself and develop a strategy to stop that process.

As you read and quoted part of my post I certainly spelled out what he should do if he's not interested in sex, but Dante has told me he's very interested in being with someone. So I'm offering him my best advice on how to find a woman.

What would you advice Kdlee, in helping Dante overcome the obstacles in losing his virginity?

First this is all about you Dante-I hope you find the best woman out there honey and when you do that you both share your first time in a wonderful way..Get into a church group of men and talk about your thoughts and desires..I think you will be surprized how much support you will get..If you want to talk PM I don't mind at all..I am sorry if you feel I was being judgmental etc with Wolf the forum takes on it's on life sometimes and the real question gets way laid..so to speak..

Wolf, I certainly wasn't out to hurt your feelings ..

I would advise Dante like I did above to find the perfect match in a woman and then get married..Get into a group maybe church and discuss these issues..

I do not consider my thoughts as cheap insults nor did I see where my comments were abusive or judgemental..I simply asked if you were a man having issues with women? Sometimes things you say come across angry? Like I told you before I have enjoyed reading some of your posts..I don't agree that people looking for help should be told to go out and have all the sexual experiences they want before marriage..To tell someone to screw around to me is asking for trouble in a time where STD's are so rampant..

I also advocate that he seek help in overcoming this want in a constructive way by joining the church body or letting the church know he is having issues..Talking with supportive friends..Just look at statistics of sex relationships and you see there isn't alot to stand on..There is more for a person..