I'm 48 and believe I've been very depressed my whole life even though the symptoms may not match. I eat well, sleep well but other than that I have no life. I feel completly worthless and don't believe I can do anything. I've never felt I fit in any place, I'm the type of guy that feels uncomfortable in my own skin. Around people I feel like leaving, by myself I'm miserable. I've never been married and only asked out a few girls in my whole life. I've become obsessive about a girl I had a crush on in high school even though I barley spoke to her and she doesn't even know I'm alive. The bottom line is that my life is horrible. I'm scared of everything including myself. I wish I could be the guy that goes to the party and has fun, but I'm the guy that goes there and pretends he's interested in the paintings or plants. My mother is going through the same miserable life, so maybe I have the same problem. I can't believe I let so much of my life slip away, is there a medical test that can h
I am not sure if you could complete your question, but I will try to help with some information.
First of all, I encourage you to review your post here and note how many times you have written 'self-downing' words, sentences and beliefs. This is probably the most important clue to what has been happening to you.
You may be depressed, but it can only be confirmed from a formal interview and some psychological testing if indicated. You may be experiencing dysthymia, a form of depression where the symptoms are not obvious or severe and are there for a long period of time. The diagnosis is not so much important here as the need to reflect upon your life once again and find out your 'self-defeating beliefs'.
Psychologists, psychiatrists and researchers over the last few decades have discovered the power of the subconscious mind. Whatever you tell yourself constantly becomes your reality eventually. Thoughts, repeated constantly, tend to manifest in the physical world.
This may be a good opportunity for you to think about your beliefs. You may be carrying irrational, self-defeating beliefs which you will need to modify and convert them into rational beliefs. You will probably need the help of a psychotherapist. Additionally, understanding the problem won't help much unless you decide to act on the new beliefs and change certain behavioral patterns.
Depression can be hereditary. But the fact that your mother also has similar problems should not make you feel helpless. Avoiding the use of technical terms, I would encourage you to use pen and paper to jot down your 'self-talk', write down what areas in your life you want to improve in, and write what action you can take to see the change. This is one exercise you can start doing right now.
Hope this helps.
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