I have been sexually active for 6 years. And never enjoyed sex or really never got any urges.I have tried toys masturbating and still nothing!!I was with the same man for 5 years and left him thinking maybe sex would be better with somebody else. but it was no better! i wanna talk to a sex therapist, but afraid i wont be able to afford it. Its so depressing and aggrivating.
Welcome to ehealthforum,
Inability to enjoy sex or inability to orgasm could be due to various reasons. The problem of anorgasmia (inability to orgasm) is commonly seen in women. The causes could vary from being psychiatric disorder to medical problems (diabetic neuropathy, multiple sclerosis, genital mutilation, hormonal imbalances, vulvodynia and cardiovascular disease) to trauma (genital surgery, pelvic trauma, total hysterectomy, spinal cord injury, cauda equina syndrome, uterine embolisation, childbirth trauma), use of medication (antihistamines and antidepressants), excessive use of alcohol and recreational drugs, and age.
It can also be classified as primary or secondary. These conditions can be detected after thorough examination and evaluation done by your gynecologist/obstetrician.
Orgasm in females can be of two types, vaginal and clitoral. If you have been used to masturbation, then it is unlikely that you will reach orgasm with normal sexual intercourse (as your brain gets tuned to responding to a kind of stimulation resulting from habitual masturbation). In this case you need to stop masturbation and allow your brain to get re-tuned to normal.
If you are not into masturbation, then the problem could be due to the expectation and anticipation of orgasm, performance anxiety, cultural and religious beliefs, fear of pregnancy or STD, bodily or mental embarrassment etc., which distracts your mind and hampers reaching orgasm.
You can consider visiting your gynecologist/obstetrician for a thorough examination and evaluation. Treatment as appropriate would be started to help you (based on examination and investigation results).
Another option would be to go ahead with getting couple therapy done by a counselor/sexologist to identify the problems and get them resolved (this is helpful if you feel lack of connection/involvement with your partner, any unresolved conflict, infidelity, poor communication etc).
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