Okay first off i am 17 and i have been struggling with what i thought was a phase of depression, but this summer has been terrible for my well being and some of the things i go through and do cannot be explained by depression in my opinion maybe its depression combined with something else i do not know. I have been depressed, manic, and at the same time i have felt emotionally detached, separated from everything everyone else does. In the past month i have almost completely isolated myself from my friends, ex girlfriend and family, i fear they will reject me or that im not good enough, i have had past occurrences (mostly while im drunk but still kind of odd for someone to do) where i just get pissed and flip out on my friends and i do not know why, i think its because im scared of being alone but i tell myself i prefer it to cover up how i feel im not sure. I cannot sleep good at all anymore and i basically went from being a normal do everything have fun talk alot kid to a total shut in who plays xbox and sits around all day and doesnt do anything, i even quit both of my favorite sports. I sometimes find it hard to relate to other people, i have thoughts that dont even make sense to me half the time, but they arent about random things they seem to me like delusions about my life. I lie all the time and make up stories in my head that i then try to make reality and i dont know why i do it. I dont hardly eat anymore, i drink nothing but soda, i dont work out anymore, i do pretty bad things to my body and i dont know why i do that either, but its like i cant be normal so i dont even try. I dont feel close to anyone in my life at all, not even my parents, basically i just feel like i have no idea whats going on inside my own head anymore, but i feel like crap, thats the only way i can put it into words accurately, i get paranoid a lot but usually by people. I know this whole thing screams social disorder but honestly when i find myself in a group of people im just fine im not scared or anything and im not shy, i just would rather not waste time with people because i feel like I dont have any real friends at all anymore, i feel alone, and confused. Sorry for the lengthiness of this message i just kinda poured out what i could.
it is good that u wrote all that as it is helpful.
what do u eat in a 3 week period and please be extremely specific if u can (after all u said u don't like being with people so; do this take the time remember, think about it and write it down)
One more request; what is your height and weight and has it changed in six months and if so by what figures.
And if u don't mind; what of your family; how many ages, what they like to do and actually do?
can u tell about your past emotional relationships with anyone u want to start with
Can u say what u hope for right now; not your future or jobs but rather your inner feelings of what u want
I wish u well
Wow well ill work on the food i guess that will take a long time but im 6 foot and i lost some weight this summer but im around 165lbs and i have a mom a dad and a sister who is 19. its a very stable family but i really dont get along that well with them all i dont share much with them and i kinda think they are pricks. right now, i hope i can function and have a normal life and make it to see my 18th birthday. i have broken relationships with all of my friends i dont hang out with anyone and i have no contact with any ex girlfriends but really just a lot of broken relationships
u r very thin to the point of being UNDER WEIGHT and this alone can have very severe consequences
u left out much of what I asked and that is fine since u answered quickly but it would be helpful
why do u think u don't have a deep personal relationship with with MOM that is an issue all by itself, and next why not with sister and did u ever AND OF COURSE since u r the only son; why not with dad and was it always that way and would u like to change it
u refer to EXs and broken relationships; so how many and why r they broken today
I went through a phase where I gradually isolated myself from those I had previously associated with, so I sort of know what you are going through.
Part of it was it seemed like I just woke up one day and realized I can't stand my friends. I was tired of having to conform, and breaking loose was like a breath of fresh air. Also, that lifestyle really put a drain on my finances, and it was very depressing trying to stay afloat. Looking back, I realize there was no need for all of that -- a total waste of time and money. Nowadays, I'm very comfortable with my frugal lifestyle and quite proud of myself for sticking to a budget -- gives me a sense of accomplishment. If I can't afford it, I won't buy it. Plain and simple.
The other part of my isolation process was due to putting in my 8 hours at work and having to be *on* ALL THE TIME, which was very exhausting. On my own time, I pretty much just wanted to relax from being *on* all the time.
Like you, I had no trouble being in public and not really interacting with anyone. I would actually go to movies and eat out in restaurants by myself, comfortable with my own company. (Speaking of which... Have you ever gone to a movie with someone who yaps all the time or asks a lot of stupid questions?? An-NOY-ing! If I pay $15 for a movie, I want to enjoy it.) Sometimes, I would just spend a lot of time pursuing things *I* enjoy like my video-game-o-the-month, reading a book, trying a new recipe, or shopping for that perfect outfit (a task I never did completely enjoy when someone else was tagging along, especially if they were a different size). When I didn't feel like being out in public, my home was my haven away from the rest of the world.
My sisters are really the only people on this planet I can be myself around and not have to be *on* all the time. I am so glad I moved back to the east coast, so I can just ring them up anytime I want some pleasant company. It was the same way with my parents and paternal grandparents as well, but they've all since passed away (I miss them all *greatly*). I do occasionally socialize with my coworkers outside the work place, but to be honest, even that makes me feel like I have to be *on*. I have fun, but it would annoy the heck out of me, if I were to become some sort of regular socialite.
You mentioned you do bad things to your body. It appears to me you're feeling a bit guilty for spending so much alone time doing the things *you* enjoy and feel the need to punish yourself. I personally don't see anything wrong in a bit of down time. You don't have to socialize every minute of the day, just because your particular circle of friends expects you to. Weed out the people you actually enjoy spending time with, and socialize with them every now and then. Aside from that, enjoy your down time.
You're 17 and gradually finding out what you want out of life. Some of the things your childhood friends are interested in no longer interest you. It's not that you are a horrible person -- you are just into different things now. You are normal, and you are your own person. You don't have to have a tag-a-long every time you seek entertainment, and you do *not* have to conform. Be your own person. Stop feeling guilty and just enjoy life.