Hey there TyRemy,
I went through a phase where I gradually isolated myself from those I had previously associated with, so I sort of know what you are going through.
Part of it was it seemed like I just woke up one day and realized I can't stand my friends. I was tired of having to conform, and breaking loose was like a breath of fresh air. Also, that lifestyle really put a drain on my finances, and it was very depressing trying to stay afloat. Looking back, I realize there was no need for all of that -- a total waste of time and money. Nowadays, I'm very comfortable with my frugal lifestyle and quite proud of myself for sticking to a budget -- gives me a sense of accomplishment. If I can't afford it, I won't buy it. Plain and simple.
The other part of my isolation process was due to putting in my 8 hours at work and having to be *on* ALL THE TIME, which was very exhausting. On my own time, I pretty much just wanted to relax from being *on* all the time.
Like you, I had no trouble being in public and not really interacting with anyone. I would actually go to movies and eat out in restaurants by myself, comfortable with my own company. (Speaking of which... Have you ever gone to a movie with someone who yaps all the time or asks a lot of stupid questions?? An-NOY-ing! If I pay $15 for a movie, I want to enjoy it.) Sometimes, I would just spend a lot of time pursuing things *I* enjoy like my video-game-o-the-month, reading a book, trying a new recipe, or shopping for that perfect outfit (a task I never did completely enjoy when someone else was tagging along, especially if they were a different size). When I didn't feel like being out in public, my home was my haven away from the rest of the world.
My sisters are really the only people on this planet I can be myself around and not have to be *on* all the time. I am so glad I moved back to the east coast, so I can just ring them up anytime I want some pleasant company. It was the same way with my parents and paternal grandparents as well, but they've all since passed away (I miss them all *greatly*). I do occasionally socialize with my coworkers outside the work place, but to be honest, even that makes me feel like I have to be *on*. I have fun, but it would annoy the heck out of me, if I were to become some sort of regular socialite.
You mentioned you do bad things to your body. It appears to me you're feeling a bit guilty for spending so much alone time doing the things *you* enjoy and feel the need to punish yourself. I personally don't see anything wrong in a bit of down time. You don't have to socialize every minute of the day, just because your particular circle of friends expects you to. Weed out the people you actually enjoy spending time with, and socialize with them every now and then. Aside from that, enjoy your down time.
You're 17 and gradually finding out what you want out of life. Some of the things your childhood friends are interested in no longer interest you. It's not that you are a horrible person -- you are just into different things now. You are normal, and you are your own person. You don't have to have a tag-a-long every time you seek entertainment, and you do *not* have to conform. Be your own person. Stop feeling guilty and just enjoy life.
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