i really need to talk to someone. i feel to alone in school, like it seems like all my friends have left me. i hate it, friends leaving you when ur the one who become the friend when there new to school or whatever. i'm a sensitive person and yeah i keep my feelings to my self because i have experience people spreading sh** about you. And also i feel like I'm the only person experiencing this in school, i feel so different, my way of thinking is different. Songs i listen to r different compared to people in my school. i feel to left out in everything, even my close friend we don't even talk much coz she has her own friends and they don't like me very much.
right now i dont care about ppl in my school, or what they say about me coz i'm high school is over i'm NEVER gonna see that f***ing faces again.
I use to cut myself, yeah ppl some1 found and spread it round school. it like ok they knewn about and all they can do is stare it you like some kind of freak. i'm feel like people are always talking about me, the way i dress ( i LOVE FASHION!!!) or the kind of makeup i put. i mean ppl in my school r f***ing shallow, no joke.
also i fel like i can never get close to any1 because i end up hurting them or no reason or i don't even know i'm hurting them. 1 time xmas, this was in grade 10, i was giving xmas cards ok i was using recycled cars to i just ripped of the part where ppl wrote. ok so i gave it to my friend and she told her friend who are also my really good friend. and after that i hated me. From one card i never knew it can cause soo much destruction. it broke me down, i was having really bad depression ( still do. i lost loads of weight.
And i guess that really changed me because it was hard my friend talking about you and no one, i mean no one cares or even try to help me. they just stared at me. and that why i guess i've become more of a quite person who doesn't show a lot of emotions or my character.
right now i'm don't even give a F***about graduation or what table i'm in, coz when i ask ppl there like it full ot we sorting the table list. F*** i shouldn't have paid for it. wasted $500 HKD.
It like people in my school don't experience depression. I feel to alive when i'm in CANADA coz i feel no1 can judge me fro who i am because for one thing they don't know me and i'm actually for once in my life HAPPY THERE!!! =)
so i cannot wait high school is OVER coz it my final YEAR!! YAY
BTW - when ever i talk to people i feel like i'm bothering them or something. like when i talk there like yeahhhh or just don't talk much. i was with this group and i felt so left out to i just left and when one of my friends ask me why did left. i mean i don't feel part of their group and if i talk they don't say much to reply much to what i'm talking.
i feel to unloved my friends maybe i'm pushing them away i dunno! UGH life is a pain.