Narcotics Anonymous or AA (yes, alcohol is a drug) is the only thing that has ever worked for me and I tried everything. I was addicted to drugs for 13 years and physically addicted to pain meds for 7 of them. It took me a long time to admit I had a problem. I tried to disqualify myself in every way because I don't meet the stereo-type, but today there is no doubt in my mind I am an addict. Addiction is a serious, medically proven disease, and treatment is the only way to get better. It's a disease of the mind and drugs are only a symptom. It's a lot to swallow, or at least it was for me, but I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. Try to be open-minded. I needed to ask for help, will-power doesn't help someone with addiction it makes us sicker. I have been clean for 18 months, and my life is better than ever, not always easy, but I have some freedom and happiness. There is hope. I was ashamed to be in NA at first, because omg what would people think of me. Surprise! they like me a lot better in NA than before, and its not like I have NA tatooed on my forehead, you would never guess I am a drug addict. I'm an intelligent, beautiful young woman, graduate of a top NY design school, gifted artist and recovering drug addict.
LOL... good luck feeling normal. I know if normal existed it wouldn't be an addict. I am just blessed.