I was just thrilled last night to learn that my sporadic, but highly narcissist tendencies, are part of the "grandiosity" of being bipolar. Although I don't do this all the time, I am aware that I have this odd sense of entitlement, especially when it comes to people giving me the right of way, getting out of my way, attending to me in a store when I need help, and exiting and entering an elevator (I always assume that the men AND women will defer to me). And oddly enough, they almost always do.
I always thought of it like I was the closest thing to an "alpha" female that I've come across. I don't know how I do it, but sure enough, women almost always let me enter an elevator first. Women oftentimes will seem to treat me the same way a man would. I simply chalked it up to a suspicion that I was emitting alpha female energy. And I was cool with that. I was even a little impressed.
However, there are times (not nearly as many) where I do defer to others. I do some volunteer work. I love helping people out. I love doing things that benefit others. So I'm not really a horrible person. The sporadic-ness of this is now understandable in the context of the bipolar condition. This is why it comes and goes.
I also understand why bad traffic is oftentimes a trigger for me. I feel far too entitled to sit in traffic. This is why I pass people in the meridian, the bike lane, the exit ramp before cutting in again. And I don't feel any guilt for doing it.
What a fabulous insight into my own behavior! I love getting to know and understand myself finally! I'm not a b*%^* - I'm just BIPOLAR - Haha!
Soucie, learning about this disorder can be very enlightening and revealing. There are so many nuances to the disorder. I am glad that you have put one more piece of the puzzle together. Understanding why you behave a particular way may enable you to alter behavior.