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My 5 Year old son wishes he was never born

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I am very, very concerned about my precious little boy.
These are the things he's been saying to me in the last couple months:
He hates his life 2. He wishes he was never born. 3. He tell me that he's stupid.
4. He says his sister doesn't love him.
5. He says he tries to be a good boy but it's too hard.
6. He thinks everyone is angry with him
7. He hits other children at school.
8. He recently told his grandma that he hates her-after she returned from a 3 month trip and she brought him presents.
9 . He sometimes doesn't want me to hug or give him kisses - and tells me to leave him alone.
10. He's very competitive and beats himself up when he doesn't score a goal or do well.
I'm clearly out of my expertise on what to do. Mommy and Daddy hugs and kisses are not enough. His school is suggesting we get him medicated for ADD, but I'm very reluctant to head down that road. I don't know what to do. This is obviously a major problem at 15, but he's FIVE.
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First Helper User Profile Shiina
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replied September 18th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
He sounds like a very intelligent little guy.
He is aware of his faults as a human, there most definately is stupidity involved in being human by the way, and to be aware of this can be painful.
With all do respect, his sister may not love him, you should probably find that out.
And with even more do respect, who really wants to have been born? You are actually enjoying yourself or what? What, you think that life is great and fun or safe even? What's the hangup here? It's not odd at all in any fashion to wish that you have never been born, you need to know that.

He honestly just sounds very smart, wise even, even if just a little wise.
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replied January 30th, 2012
SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. Please tell me you have no children and do not have any interaction what so ever with them.
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replied July 6th, 2013
What a STUPID and IGNORANT reply!!!!!!!! My 6 year-old son has Aspergers and he has done everything listed. Just last night, he told both me and his Dad that he wished he was never born. And it's NOT because he is a "very intelligent little guy."!!! It's because he's Asperger's and processes things different or can't process things at all. Like the other post said, I hope you don't have any children!!
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replied July 6th, 2013
What a STUPID and IGNORANT reply!!!!!!!! My 6 year-old son has Aspergers and he has done everything listed. Just last night, he told both me and his Dad that he wished he was never born. And it's NOT because he is a "very intelligent little guy."!!! It's because he's Asperger's and processes things different or can't process things at all. Like the other post said, I hope you don't have any children!!
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replied October 20th, 2009
It sounds a lot like he's just acting out. His anger and violence towards others most likely stem from emotions he's feeling that he's already tried to explain to you - isolation, insecurity, anxiety, etc. All you can really do it try to talk to him, his sister, maybe sit the family down and in a calm and understanding setting try to talk these issues out.

As for ADD - that seems a little compulsive on the part of his teacher, and I would recommend family therapy long before I would recommend medication, especially at such a young age.
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replied October 28th, 2009
Experienced User
I have no idea why any teacher would immediately think of ADD at this age, especially if you told them about these other problems. I'm a teacher and it's clear that your son is experiencing low self-esteem/depression. It's not uncommon for children that young to feel this way, but you need to address it quickly, as you would with an adult. I would recommend a counselor- they can help you get to the root of the problem and hopefully come up with a solution.

There could be lots of causes to consider. Recent events like a death in the family or divorce, unidentified problems at school that could stem from a learning disability or bullying, etc.

I would look up any information you can about childhood depression and emotional problems to see if he has any other symptoms. Ask him more about his feelings and why he feels this way. Definitely get him evaluated. And definitely don't listen to woops. Even though your son is very self-aware and probably a smart kid, his behavior and actions aren't normal/acceptable. He can be smart AND happy at the same time. Just reiterate to him that he his loved no matter what.
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replied October 30th, 2009
My 6 year old daughter has been doing similar things as your little boy and I'm worried too. We are a christian family who tend to be very optimistic. To hear such hurtful words come out of my daughters mouth, just breaks my heart. "I try to be good mom but I can't. Noone loves me. I wish I were never born. I can never be good. I hate myself. You hate me, I know it". My fear is that this is the beginning of something really bad. I try to tell her that the words coming out of her mouth are very negative words and that they need to be replaced with more positive/good words. I tell her that mean words do not make anyone feel better. If you want to feel better we have to use good words - "I know I can, I know I will." I try not to give too much attention to it at the time because I don't want that to be encouraging that behavior. Someone had told me to get her checked for ADD as well. They had said that if there is a chemical imbalance, then it's beyond their ability to do the right things a lot of the times. I don't know..... These episodes always occur after being punished or getting in trouble. A part of me wants to believe that if this behavior was occuring when they aren't triggered by an event, then maybe we have a bigger issue. But because they are occuring with an event, that this is just how they are dealing with it and it's our job to help them to deal with it better. Again, I don't know.
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replied November 2nd, 2009
Experienced User
Well home schooling is the best idea you can get him a notebook computer. School is terribly stressful.

I was five and acted that way from a traumatising event.

Having caregivers and extended family involvement is a good idea.

He may not have a good vocabulary YET.

So those are his obsession words.

You can ask him the things that he likes.

It's extremely simple.

Have him find things that he loves.

soft things warm things or cool things depending on your geography.

treat him like a mature child.

if he is suffering you can teach him about "the light that came from the heavens to enlighten every man" it might peak his interest. I'd stay away from the bible normally because there is so much pain and suffering in it. But I finally started looking for comfort everywhere instead of feeling bad like your son. So a Pastor who works at the gym with me told me to read John from the new testiment... so I tried it out which was okay but I didn't know what the heck to look for until some other Pastor I met told me to ask who is jesus and what does he want me to do. So I told you the first part. The second is he wants me "to not sin so that nothing worse happens to me" Now I just think of my blessings. A lot of people don't know right from wrong but he's still young and its never too late to teach him. I'm sure you've tried.

Okay but seriously. He is a harm to himself and needs some help. I also recomend the positive dictionary by Dr Phil somebodyorother... You can teach him new words every day he might say, "how is that positive?" and you can explain it to him. But I'd say he definately needs the right kind of attention. I hope this helps!!
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replied November 24th, 2009
my little boy ad said all the excact same things to me for yrs he now 9 yrs old hes resently been diagnosed wiv aspergers syndrome plz im not saying that ur little 1 as it just ask 2 av it checked and i thought it was end of the world when i was told the diognoses but now ive lernt to xdeal wiv it at times its emotionally hard coz of wot sum fings he says to me but i keep telling my self he dnt mean it hes still my little baby wiv or wivout the syndrome hope u work it out soon bless him
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replied December 26th, 2009
I think he has something more serious than ADD.

Explain, to him he is worth something, and that his life can someday improve, and that you would be very saddened if he died, and that you love him, that may prevent him from killing himself.
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replied February 5th, 2010
My son (6 years old) as well is having these feelings; I truly believe it's from a traumatic experience or something happening outside of the four walls of our home. I just recently found out that this Boy Titus was and has been picking on him for a while now. This boy is friends with his best friend and I feel he's totally divested by this ordeal and the reason for his depression. As for ADD, or something else perhaps I'll cross that bridge down the road as he's doing pretty well in school, not perfect in school however OK. I think he's going through a phase and the bullying doesn't help. I�m going to try and build up his self esteem by getting him into things he wants to do boy scouts, karate, and talking with him more about what is troubling him. I hope this helps. It's said to hear others are going through this as well, however it's a relief to know that I�m not the only one. I hate to see my son go through this and feel the feelings he's having. It hurts me to see him going through this.
Sincerely,
A concerned father
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replied February 19th, 2010
my son says he wished he was dead
my 6 year old has recently said the same things, i'm rubbish, I wish i was dead, i can't do anything right

he was identified by his school as being gifted when his reading level was way above normal and after researching gifted children http://giftedkids.about.com , I found that they are likely to suffer from what is called Dabrowski's OE (Over-Excitabilities) which can manifest itself in emotional, physical, heightened senses, intellectual and imiaginational suspersensitivity. this really helped as my son presents with a lot but not all of the traits described and it explained a lot, especially the websites little lawyer page.
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replied February 21st, 2010
My six-year old hates his life . . . help
Okay, so I'm not alone. My six year old son, Elijah, keeps saying "I hate my life". He tells me and his dad "I don't love you." He tells us "you are stupid". He is always saying that "I can take that kid down." He has lots of friends. One little boy that he does not like, he told me "Alex is going to feel some pain from me and Alex is a freakin freak." He is very envious, a very sore loser, jealous kid. We discipline him. He said to me one day as we were in the car and I was driving "I hope you run into that pole and we both die." I am so worried. I asked him one day, what do you want to be when you grow up and he said "a burgular". This week he is stressing over "the devil". He said his dad told him that the devil is real and the devil is everywhere but you can't see him" He could not go to sleep. By the way his dad and I divorced when he was 3. I spoke to his dad and asked why would he tell a six year old that. He said well it is the truth. Anyway, we go into a big argument. I told his dad "you might as well told him there is a monster under his bed." His dad still holds a grudge against me because I divorced him and it shows when I enter the room - his actions towards me. Elijah knows - he said the other day "Daddy you hate mom." Anyway, Elijah is an honor role student. He takes Vyvanse for ADHD. We took him off of it for 3 days just to see if he acted different. We received a note from his teacher. She said he was out of control. She asked if anything was wrong. [We did not tell her we took him off of his medication for 3 days.] Well we got our answer. His teacher says he is a joy to have and he is very smart. I think this child has a photographic memory. He is so smart it scares me. He is in accelerated reading. He makes A's. What should I do. His dad is apparently in denial. [His dad is not playing with a full deck I promise.] Anyone have any suggestions? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Worried Mom
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replied March 19th, 2010
trfortin wrote:
My son (6 years old) as well is having these feelings; I truly believe it's from a traumatic experience or something happening outside of the four walls of our home. I just recently found out that this Boy Titus was and has been picking on him for a while now. This boy is friends with his best friend and I feel he's totally divested by this ordeal and the reason for his depression. As for ADD, or something else perhaps I'll cross that bridge down the road as he's doing pretty well in school, not perfect in school however OK. I think he's going through a phase and the bullying doesn't help. I�m going to try and build up his self esteem by getting him into things he wants to do boy scouts, karate, and talking with him more about what is troubling him. I hope this helps. It's said to hear others are going through this as well, however it's a relief to know that I�m not the only one. I hate to see my son go through this and feel the feelings he's having. It hurts me to see him going through this.
Sincerely,
A concerned father


Explaining to him you'd believe him about his emotions and experiences, may help him open up about what he has gone through.
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replied April 16th, 2010
I got online tonight looking for help I think I found it! I have a 5yr old boy who told me he wishes he was in heaven with jesus and he has a horrible life. This is the 2nd time he''s said it. Someone else said it seems to be when theres a punishment and yesterday he did get punished because he had a bad day at school.

My son has constantly been in trouble at school, talking when he''s not suppose to , hitting ect. He is VERY hyper active someone did mention ADD to me however he can sit and play video games or watch his favorite show so he can sit when he wants. However, also list above was a gifted child and I to have been told my son is gifted and is reading well about his kindergarten class. I have encouraged his teacher to give him more work, tougher work to which she has not been helpful. I believe that he is having issues at school with bullies and just being bored. I have decided to change him out of public school and enrolled him in a charter school next year hoping this will fix it.

I have been panicking thinking my son was going to grow up to be a suicidal teenager or something so I''m glad its not just me!
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replied April 22nd, 2010
1. ask him where he gest these ideas from - you should be able to tell is he's beating around the bush or if he actually tells you where he gets these thoughts from.
I'm 23 and I remember thinking those thoughts when I was young (5). I remember my teacher would give my "the evil eye" if I was being hyper. This would make me feel "bad".
I also remember being "grounded" when i was an inconvenience to my mother (being loud, wanting attention, interrupting her...)

You just need to prove to him that he is important and that he matters or his like me, those feelings will never go away.

To me, my life has proved that i just get in ppls ways and i do not matter. i only matter and people only "care" if it would make them look good for 'caring'

do not push him off or send him away or make him be alone and dont do your own needy things before his PLEASE. not saying you do, but im just asking you dont and please talk to him openly and hoestly and get in his head
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replied February 7th, 2011
My 6 year old daughter is homeschooled now. She was diagnosed by the school as gifted and spent much of her day there in time out. She also was diagnosed with Aspergers and Sensory Processing Disorder. She is constantly saying negative things about herself, especially when we are doing school, she is having a problem figureing things out or was put in time out for misbehavior. She rather sit and read by herself then do school or what is told of her. Everyday I hear from her "I wish I was not born", "you wish I would run away", "you do not love me" or other negative remarks about herself. It hurts me everyday and I do not know what to do. She hates public school and private school due to the fact that she gets teased for being different, as she says. It is not easy. She does not sleep through the night so we live a split life, she is fussy with her clothes, textures, and her food, texture and smell. I was told by people in the church we go to that she should not be there and some told me to put her on medication, which I will not. We had a TSS for a while but she was worthless. I am also in need for help for my precious little girl.
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replied July 28th, 2011
To everyone above, it sounds to me that all of your children are Oppositional. ODD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is common in 3-6 year old children and in early adolescence. Sometimes there is a comorbidy with depression. These two disorders are caused by two things, 1. Biological factors (genetic and or brain chemical defiencies) and or 2.) Traumatic experiences. Trauma can be something like a divorce, neglect, abuse, sexual abuse, natural disaster or small innocent truamas that are repeaded. Get the picture? I suggest getting reading on ODD and depression and learn to work with it and not agaisnt it. Good Luck!!
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replied April 28th, 2012
My 6 year old son also says all of these things and has done for the past 1 or two years. He was diagnosed as 'ADHD with traits of ODD and Aspergers'. His older brother has Aspergers and ADHD, but is completely different.
I disagree with his diagnosis so have continued to search for answers. Talk to people about the best specialists tou can find. I had his social expressive and receptive language assessed by a speech therapist (this shows how he interprets what happens atound him, and how well he can or cant express his feelings). I also had a full assessment done by an occupational therapist to see if he had issues with his fine and gross motor skills (and many other things. It was a 10 page report!), because physical difficulties can also link to neurological issues.
In two weeks we are going to a child psychologist who specialises in children with behavioural or Possible Autism related issues. He will assess our son for what sort of communication works best for him, then two weeks later we are off to see a paediatrician who knows about every possible disorder. Things such as Alexythymia etc... And all of the 'little' disorders, not just the more obvious ones such as Aspergers and ODD.
It is a horrible time for our family, and alot to go through, but I know in my heart that something is wrong and its not ODD.
We may need chromosomal testing done for Fragile X syndrome, which causes an inability to control emotions.
It is exhausting and heart wrenching to do all of this, but it is more heart wrenchingto see the pain he goes through, and even worse to think of what could happen if I did nothing.

Hang in there. Take comfort in that you are not alone, and you are not crazy. You love your child and are the best advocate for them. I once heard a saying....'if parenting were meant to be easy, it wouldn't begin with a thing called labour'!!
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replied June 11th, 2012
Please do not panic.
My Son feels the same way too. Then with the help of Pshyco counsellors i realized that my son was craving for qualitative and constructive attention.

Deep down he wants a frined who can play with him, shout with him, jump in glee.

As a mother i am always trying to be a mom. But now i do spend time with him in things he actually wants to do.

I ask him about what he wants to do in the weekend. If he has no idea, i give him options and he now is actually seeking out. As his self esteem is improving day by day.

Please do not panic. i know what it feels like. Do not jump in cure for ADD. that is not important now.

What is important is that this little wise boy of yours wants quality time with his sis. If she cannot, you plan and organise games for both of them. Or rather you become and act like his sister. Smile

I am sure he will love it.
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replied February 2nd, 2014
Possible abuse
Possible abuse. Examine all people, even your partner, who are in contact with him (including yourself. You may be mentally abusive and not even realize it). Read up on what is abuse, mental, emotional, physical, and sexual so you can recognize the signs and outcomes.

Those people "diagnosing" him with ADD without even considering situational factors are so incompetent, unforgivably apathetic, and/or stupid it is not even possible to mock them. Diagnoses should only be made after the entire situation has been reviewed. A false diagnosis can ruin someones life. A teacher should not be giving advice based on conjecture so they can stroke their own pet obsessions.

I highly commend you for reaching out. I was like this as a child. No one cared. Please help your son before its too late.
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