I am 27 years old, and my partner is 26. We have been together for about a year, we live together, and are very happy together. However about 7 weeks ago he became very stressed and anxious over work, and he couldn't get an erection. After about a week I finally asked him about it, and he explained that it was just temporary, due to stress, that he was still very attracted to me and that he loved me. As he hadn't explained this before though, I had become very confused and distressed in the mean time.
It is now 6 weeks later, and the problem is still on going. It is not that he can't get an erection now, as he does, but when we try to have sex he loses it. He says it is due to nerves now, because he became self conscious when he couldn't get an erection, which i understand can happen. The problem is I don't know what to do about it. I have tried just relaxing and ignoring that there is a problem, and I have tried talking to him about it, but both just seem to magnify the problem, and as the problem obviously physical, he doesn't want to see a doctor. He reacted quite defensively when I suggested we might need professional help.
I know this makes him feel inadequate, so I know Im supposed to just leave him be to figure it out, but while sex certainly wasn't the only thing in our relationship, it was a big part of it, and I don't know how to get used to not being together in that way. It is very difficult to be relaxed and supportive when Im feeling inadequate and sad myself. Its also hard to be supportive of someone who doesn't want to admit there really is a problem. Obviously there would be too much pressure on both of us if we tried to have sex right now, seeing as it has become a 'thing', so we agreed not to try for a while. I can't help but think though, that if we continue to just leave things the way they are, eventually we will become used to not seeing each other in a sexual way and that aspect of our relationship will be lost. Maybe that is actually ok. Im sure there are couples out there where sex doesn't play a role in their relationship, but Im not sure how to become one of them.
Any advice at all, from men or women, would be so much appreciated. There just doesn't seem to be a way out of this cycle. If we try and have any kind of sex we both feel nervous that it won't work and therefore it doesn't. He feels like a failure and I feel rejected. If we don't have sex though we both feel self conscious that were not having sex, and I feel sad frustrated, a little angry at the situation, and scared that this will eventually mean the end of us being together at all. Advice on learning how to live without sex in a relationship is also welcome.
My husband is also 26 and has the same problem, either he cannot get it up or loses it within a couple of minutes and it has put a real strain on our relationship, but in my case it has been happening for the past 4 years. I am not much help in how to fix it because my husband as well refuses to see a doctor about it. Hang in there!!
Sadly I'm going through a similar situation but my bf, who I love to death, just told me last night. My Mind is racing. I don't know what to do. I feel so terrible for Him avd reassured him that I was not going anywhere and out relationship would be fine. I haven't stopped thinking about it since he told me and I'm trying to be strong but I could really use some advice on how to deal with it as sex is a big part in our relationship. Help please
This is the same problem I am having with my wife right now. We used to have sex all the time and then I got super stressed out, the sex became less frequent. I could not even get it up if I wanted to. I thought Porn might have helped me maybe get it up, sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't.
All I can suggest is not bringing it up to him, and not worry about penetration when you are intimate. I would go down on my wife, or whatever I possibly could. Explore your bodies, find out what turns each other on. In time I hope that it works out for you both
After 4 years together and 5 months of that being marriage I.ginally got.my Husband to.go see a doctor. It took forever to get him to be able to see someone and ultimately he asked me to tell the doctor while he just sat there. I could tell he was mortified but the doctor wasnt even phased. My husband is also 26 years old and this is a very very common issue nowadays. I feel.all your pain and frustration but I urge you to show your men this thread so they can see how common this really is.