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My wife is bipolar and i can't do this anymore

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Help I can't take it anymore. My wife is Biploar and is depressed all the time and is putting a strain on my life. she is in and out of the hospital every other month. I thought of quitting my job because i can't trust her to me around my 3 year old daughter. There has been times where i've been at work and has called me to say she wants to kill herself while my daughter was there. she has tried to hit me with her car because i wouldn't co-sign for another car for her. My family along with her family have told me to leave and take my daughter with me but I I'm scared what she will do. I wake up every morning with a knot in my stomach wondering if today is the day she dicides to go to the hospital because she doesn't have a good day. This has affected me but more importanly my daughter. my daughter asked me today if mommy was in the hospital because I (my daughter) was being bad. she went to the hospital at 3 A.M. saturday morning and has been there since and me and my daughter are depressed she will not leave my side. I'm really thinking of my families advice and just leave but i don't know what to do. I can't live my life like this and my daughter deserves better. Any advice or suggestions would be helpful.
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replied May 24th, 2011
Experienced User
Have you seeked professional help for yourself? That's the first step I'd recommend. As far as going/staying in the situation......do you love her with all your heart? If you do....get yourself healthy so you can help her and stand beside her to provide support. She has to recognize she has a problem...and seek treatment for it. I hope the best for you and your daughter. God be with you...
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replied May 24th, 2011
You deserve better; you're daughter deserves better. It's not your wife's fault that's she's sick and it's not your fault that you can't fix her (or even take care of her).

Leave her. You'll feel bad, but that's okay. She might kill herself, but that has nothing to do with you. Seriously. You can love someone and support them, but that doesn't mean you have to be their keeper. You're all in an awful situation and it's unlikely there will ever be a happy ending. All you can do is try to minimize the long-term pain and suffering.

I know it won't be easy, but you have no choice and you know that. (And what you're doing now isn't easy either.) She'll beg you to stay and promise to get better, but you can't get suckered into that. If she wants to have any kind of relationship with you (And your daughter), she needs to proves herself by getting treatment. You should be kind and supportive and make sure she knows you love her, but there;s nothing left to discuss. You have all the power (no court would ever side with her) and it's important that she knows that.

If she wants to be your equal again, she needs to work towards regaining power over herself. Make sure she knows that.

Good luck.
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replied May 25th, 2011
Experienced User
I disagree with the comment about her killing herself.

If she threatens to kill herself and then follows through on the act, that DOES have something to do with you. When people are threatening to commit suicide, you have a responsibility to try to help them. If you do not want to become directly involved anymore, file a police report and let them handle it.
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replied May 25th, 2011
I never said he shouldn't help her. In fact, I specifically stated that he should try to be kind but firm with her. But, he can't allow himself to be held hostage by this woman. And it's not his fault if he can't save her (perhaps nobody can).

Yes. He should get her professional help, but I imagine he has already tried (hence the hospital visits). But no matter what, he needs to leave her...even if it's only a separation. He needs to get out. He's not a saint or an angel; he's a man with a daughter and a life he can barely hold together because of his sick wife. It's not her fault, but it's not his either. He needs to get out. Now.
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replied May 25th, 2011
Experienced User
I agree with Cogito....you have a responsibility to help. Again...I would suggest the help of a professional.
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replied May 25th, 2011
Experienced User
I agree with Cogito....you have a responsibility to help. Again...I would suggest the help of a professional.
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replied May 28th, 2011
Get health care power of attorney for your wife
My father divorced my mother when I was 5 and I never really understood why until I got older and realized there was something seriously wrong with her mentally. She too has bipolar. She had scary manic phases where she would act like a dog, and then horrible depression phases where she even tried to light the house on fire. She almost did.

When I was younger, I always thought it was my dad's fault that my parents didn't get along well (he's not the nicest person to begin with). But after seeing my mom go through periodic relapses, I completely understand my father's reasoning and even pity him for having to go through with it. Its the most difficult thing in the world to see someone you love turn away from reality, say and do things that scare you, go through drastic mood shifts.

Get health care power of attorney for your wife. Call the police and have her taken to the hospital. Hopefully they will see that she is not mentally healthy and put her in an inpatient program. You can't deal with this alone and you can't endanger your daughter. You're daughter won't understand whats going on right now, but she will and she won't blame you for it.
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replied November 1st, 2011
Protect The Victim
As a person who has been clinically diagnosed with this chemical imbalance, I can weigh in here as well and try to offer support for the victim if I may? When I say victim, I do not mean the husband, I do not mean the wife, I mean the child. First and foremost Corey, you have a daughter that you really need to look out for. She is only 3 1/2 years old. Do not think for a moment that your precious little girl will not be directly effected by your decisions or your wife's actions. It sounds to me like your wife is attempting to get herself some help seeing that she is in and out of the hospital frequently. So that in itself is a great sign that she realizes that she does indeed need help. I know it is hard on you man, and I do sympathize with you, but please Corey, you need to continue to man up and help her through this. She cannot do this alone. You and your daughter are all that she really needs right now. She is your wife, till death do you part. It is very important that you sit her down and have a real genuine talk with her, if you have not done so already. Cochran, you should really both be looking at the welfare of that innocent little girl. Your wife may not discern the importance of this if her judgmental faculties are lacking in this regard. You will need to pay really close attention to her behavior pattern and her decision making when playing a role in the family as it could be dangerous if she is not closely monitored. As it is, thoughts of suicide already possess her, and doing so in the presence of a child will be very detrimental to the child. Remember, your daughter is the real victim here, not you. Protect her. You and your wife may need to make some serious adjustments, which can be really hard on a marriage, but it has to be done. Your wife has to accept that she has an illness, which can be treated, if she works the program and stays on her medication. It should no go without saying that trust here needs to be established between you, her, and the child. It is your job to protect that child by directing your wife to get help. Her physical and emotional contact with her child should be limited at this point. If she does not realize the effects that this is having on the family life, and does not wish to follow doctors orders, get on medication and join a support group, then sadly my friend, I would strongly consider a divorce and obtaining legal custody of your daughter. I wish you well. Take care of those girls.
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