Quote;
"Every day is a gift, so make the best!"


Title;
Grief but that would not come.

1.

Until my 27th I was healthy was only last a bit of hay fever.
On my 27th I got schizophrenia My life changed in one eye turnaround after a psychosis.
10 years later, I look back how my life has been sick over the past 10 years and he runs ever'm gone backwards.
Finally, I draw my conclusion.

In the period 1992/1993 Anthony noted that his rational mind went backwards. He could not learn more. And some jokes on his work he does not understand. He was no longer the gene who laughed, he was uitgelachen. That made him search for a solution. How could it be that he was mentally to the death. He had yet LTS, MTS with a diploma all 7 - and 8-at. Why he started his memory in the lurch to leave? He went looking for answers. Began to read many books on psychology and memory. About learn and remember. But he gave no clear explanation about what happened with him. Until that he has a folder on a book by a writer came from. The man's name was Tom Cruise It was in the house of his brother. His brother was with his girlfriend on vacation. And Anthony was for the house. His brother lived with a girlfriend. Anthony then still lived with his parents. He came that day in the house of his brother and there were some letters and leaflets at the door. He grabbed it and ran it into the living room. Gooide them on the table. When he was addressing a drink from the fridge. Liep went back and sit down and his eye fell on a folder with the text "how to use your intellect." He thought about that question and could not answer him. He grabbed the folder and began to read. "The mind is a machine, which like a computer. All contracts must be the programeur ingeprogrameerd. All programeercodes must klopppen so you mind like a computer language may be understandable. "He thought after, yes idd my mind is idd as a computer but what can I do next. He hesitates. He read further, "If a computer can also exercise your mind to function better. Tom Cruise has developed methods to help you better be able to use your intellect. Thus begins with the definition of words. In your life you've built up a large vocabulary. (programeercode). But some people make a mess of their vocabulary. They fill unfamiliar word itself. Giving an own definietie or what seems to the floor. Or did you wrong definieties copied from other people. And if you read the text or teaches and does not understand that it is not up to you, but at the wrong definieties of words. "He said to bijzichzelf quite right now snap nowadays little more, that's also because he was too lazy to a dictionary address. "Therefore all failed", he thought. "Whether I was wrong. There was an open world for me. What would be nice if I have all the unfamiliar words, the holes in my memory would fill. Then I have no more burden of incomprehension. Then I understand everything. I started to dream about a better world where I once would succeed instead of fail. "He read further," Tom Cruise has written a book called "The Mind" which along with a mentor is to help your mind to grow. By doing exercises together you can achieve both a higher entity. If you climb both on the ladder to exercise wisdom. The lessons are designed in such a way that if you put you're advanced lessons at another and you can convey the mentor. The techniques can not only help in your own environment but also on your work and other areas. "He got the wildest fantasies. He saw himself from that valley and all the problems where he sat solve. He was motivated. He saw the light in the darkness. He thought this is what I need. He read further, "The book can be ordered by the leaflet to be completed by name and data and send it to the scienttology church in amsterdam, blah, blah." Immediately Anthony grabbed a pen and filled the form. He felt good. He was so in the clouds of this development that he forgot that the leaflet was not him. He felt a thief in the house of his brother. But he thought, "My brother will itself be a new leaflet. Otherwise can I make ". He space on his glass and went home while he was on the leaflet on the post.

A few weeks later, he received the book at home. He began to read equal and could no longer explain away. Until he came in the exercises which I needed a mentor. That had pe so he was not disappointed. He explained the book away and went on with his daily activities. He then worked with a technical adviesburo.
Since he's working a few years. He felt that he had taken a long drawer. And decided to apply a higher function. To his amazement told his superiors that he had more in his march to cartoonist / technician he could be upcoming technician. Personally, he found it too ambitious. But his superiors were satisfied with it as the evening comes HTS would do everything pretty well.

Then came an offer to move abroad. There was something happen. He was ever deeper into the entertainment and drugscircuit. Abroad was an escape from that world.
And it would not succeed in the evening-HTS had not yet been sufficiently met.
So he took the offer and went to Indonesia. Jakarta to be exact. He would leave about 2 days. Cases caught and together with a colleague to Schiphol. Hence it was 14 hours flying to Jakarta with a stop in singapore. Since at the airport they could even stretch their legs. The airport looked very nice. Everywhere prullebakken. And he heard that there was punishment for throwing dirt on the street. They bought was drinking and went back to the plane. Due to Jakarta.
In Jakarta they arrived a jeep to the gaesthouse. That got his own room. They slept in the house with his celebration. And they had a cook and a television. So that was nice. Even the washing was done. That was in a basket in the room. He was led around. It was a big house. Then he went to sleep. It was a long flight.
Next day to work with the jeep. They sat in it with his celebration. The work was the same as in the Netherlands. He had to work preparing for cartoonists. He noted that people were very friendly. Too friendly, you might find something behind. And that was true because the corruption in that country was great. If there was a project on time. And that does not succeed with the onderaanemer. But when we met a voetbalshirt of the dutch team arrived. Could it arrives on time.
The people were nice. But it was very hot. Very hot. 30 degrees or warmer. But the days went beyond useful. The girlfriend of his brother had asked if he wanted to go along her grandmother to greetings to do. So he went along with a draughtsman who showed him the way. The grandmother was very nice. She acted in T-shirts. And he got one. Then they still have food in a cozy sitting restourant of a son of that grandmother. Very good.
Also on the street you could just buy satay. But there was advised to not to eat unhealthy.
He remained there 3 months was also the evening's steps with his colleagues. Although he had stopped the drugs. Kwamen the other temptations on him. He drank it and a beer. But far showed that altogether on the other side of the world still plenty xtc and coke were present. Was he tempted cases. They went to clubs where only whores and pimps came. If you came from the west was a walking geldboom. Hoeren Saturday, as they hung clumps around him. So he ended with a prostitute in bed. How he langsa the bali came without a credit card he knew no longer exists. He stood tight on the xtc and coke. He looked beside themselves they slept. He had not paid her nogf and would also have to pay the hotel. That money, he had not. So he dressed and scrapping away from the hotel. Then by taxi to "house".
Next day Anthony was back to work. He was tired of the previous night. And with his work was not good. He cloaked his mistakes and tried his utmost best to do that despite ie had the feeling that his mental capacity was diminishing. He had during his broadcast is planned to follow a course but there was nothing to come.
At the end of the three months to netherlands he called and asked his boss whether he still have a few holiday may be taken now he was still here. So he went to Bali.
The secretary booked a hotel for him. He came in an expensive hotel. That money had he not after he noticed that on many high konningedag piet at the party were. So he wrote to an apartment building in kutabeach. Since ie had a room where he doucte outside in the air. His holiday was beautiful. He went canoeing on a wild river, many went swimming in the sea and into a zoo. Where he could play with a krokedil. That was because his mouth was sealed. Soon he ran a nice girl against the body and they did things together. They went out to dinner together and to the film. One night he just went off and came back drunk in the district where his apartment was. There were poor children begging for money, because there they will see every Westerner as a potential geldboom. The atmosphere was grim and he noted that his buiktasje open. They tried to rob him. Toe came a man on a moped. He cried the children away and gave him a lift to the apartment. The man turned out to be dutch and owner of a restaurant where he had eaten. He thanked the man and went to sleep.
The next day he heard on the beach that you could eat fried eggs in a remote reataurant where resources were geestverruimende; Paddenstoellen!. He felt immiddels so adventurous that he ever wanted to try. So he went there together with his new vakantievriendin eat. He noted the whole evening few of the fungi. But in his apartment when he looked in the mirror he thought to himself. I am the devil. Therefore succeed me not to stop with drugs and sex. He was so convinced that the devil ie. That ie afraid of. No more mushrooms…
With his girlfriend worked as the sex is not so he got a tempting offer from a local balinese. They wanted his sister or renting. So he went on a moped to a remote cottage. Since ie had sex with a beautiful woman to spot a cheap price.
Also, he often look at the kippevechten. And was inspired by the local goddienst and its habits. So he spent his time until the weeks to goods and it was time to go home. To return to work…

Residential come Anthony went daily to his job but quickly got his old problems. His memory and rational intellect began to take off again and he was angry about it again. He took the book from Tom Cruise after those few months back. And decided to look for a mentor. Because he could find no one took him contackt with the Scientology church in amsterdam. Since they had mentors Saturday they said. So he made an appointment and went along. He got an intake interview with one of its members. In so doing, he felt so familiar that I have my whole and keep from kraamde. He was so impressed by the man who loves me from talking so that he does not even have telephone recording. He told him of the problems at work and problems at school with learning that his evening was no longer possible to HTS. Whether he had caught too high. Also MBO training can not do it anymore. He told him of his failed relationships and he was so emotional that he began to cry. Apparently under the impression the man made him wise, that they could eliminate all the problems. The man told of a meter that they had thus emotions that I blokkerde wegkonden take to learning more difficult. The e-meter. Anthony got a demostratie immediately. The meter consisted of two metal pipes which flow through go. Low flow. He told that if your body blocked the flow harder by the body runs. And if you then told to what they thought the meter uitsloeg the emotion could create with an audit. Auditeren than by asking questions where you had emotion and so by asking the source was found and the emotion could make undone by another in its place or simply take wegte by logical reasoning. He was very impressed by the event. For it to the course could begin an intelligence test he had to decline. That did Anthony and the test was very bad for him. He had many emotions and his IQ and EQ were far too low. Many audits could thus obviating the man offered him a course.
I wanted all too happy to help, I was in a euphoric vote on everything I had to be helped. He told me that there were several courses and let me see a ladder towards a life for wisdom and a free spirit. The high price 3000 guilders fascinated me I would not immediately beginnnen. So signed a contract.
How to Anthony the money had come he had not thought of. Later he began to worry. So he sold his car. It was a beautiful audi which he already had a couple of years. But I wanted to be healthy again.
Anthony was faithful to church every week where I read a lot and curssen did with a mentor. And he got a lot of audits. After the exercises he even had a lucid moment. That lasted but a moment but he became addicted to it. The church gave him values and standards. And I also had to stop out. Because while he often assume use drugs. Often ecstasy and coke, sometimes also known as LSD. So it came all times in the course upwards. I had his old lifestyle. He saw his friends less often and spent his time in the church. When he looks back he had had during the many waanideen out. It was once at a party that he XTC after a hand of a person and that parents saw me a few seconds. That vondt he already scary. And I had during those weekends in amsterdam also known as a hallucination. So I thought that I once in a bar a woman who served me an alien. They looked very narrowly. Even when he stepped on the bus and thought the driver was buitenaars. He was always achterdochtiger. People in the bus durfte he no longer to see if he had the feeling that they aanstaarde him. In the course he was so often to people to look straight into the eyes as he talks with them. So he always had the feeling that he went forward. But not besefde it is becoming increasingly worse with him went.
Also on his work, he had words with many colleagues. He thought that there was a conspiracy against him on his work. And in the course his suspicions were right. The church told him that there are people who wanted to suppress him and how he got the tools to deal with it. But he does not himself say it is becoming increasingly worse with him. On the one hand, the poor and on the other hand, he got the means to curve.
His parents and family became increasingly concerned about him. He was too often in the church and he caused great quarrel with anyone. Even with his father. It was even so bad that he got slaande quarrel with his father and his outside by his sister again becalmed was created. It also started the delusions that he had to play. At one point he suspected it that something happened, but he did not know what the tension that he felt was great. When the boiler in the verwarmingshok felt I thought that was jumping on the boiler. The wijzertje was on red and it was very hot. He guild "to anyone outside the boiler will explode." He was such a panic that my parents and sisters to me went outwards. Once outside proved false alarm but I was really convinces.

Everything in his life was worse. His girlfriend made it. They told him that he too much time in church and stopped their quarrels were becoming more severe. She made quarrel to the craziest things. Thus it was that he once was and wanted her to douce. But her rabbit stondt in the douce. That they are not wanted. Toe he said, "or the rabbit out whether I look like!". He saw it all coming because I wanted all of her long. She had diabetes and stick every night that he was not a pleasant sight They saw it as a junk. But why he dared not to make. Around schijterd it was.

On his work was not better even though he was increasingly colleagues distrust and was taken to the archive gedegradeeerd. Also he sometimes had his employer a recording system in a buitengebouw where they worked. If I had to go to a building from the tax. He had since the current electric installtie. He vondt it got a nice car and could only work. But he was always vermoeider daily. He arrived late from bed and during his work he often went to toilet, take a doze. During the recording he walked through the building. Room in room and all people. He said that I was recording the installation and noted the number of fire detectors and lighting on me drawings. But it was a big building and intellect me was like a sieve. He forgot things and was always suspicious. He felt uncertain time in time and thought that there were drugs in the coffee. So he drank no coffee. He took his own food and drink. That would go a couple weeks.

He told the auditsessies everything he did and then got to scientology ontdrugskuur also a lot of vitamin and many visits to the sauna .. That helped not all he got increasingly stronger delusions. And more and more suspicion. Everywhere he saw old temptations of life that he once led and thought that it came. He previously often went to the whores and got during the sessions to hear that it is also poor value and norms. But during that period of abstinence. That sometimes took months, sometimes he could not leave because the temptation was too great.
Anthony often thought to his wild years. So he rolled into the world of pimps and whores when he previously lived in a achterstandwijk. He was a year or 10 when he was with a class genootje meeging to his mother. Richard called it. His mother was a prostitute in the hoerenstraat. Thus, he often goes to messages for Richards mother to do. They needed a mostly dagmaaltijd. Richards mother always waved from behind the windows. She was pale and had long curly hair. And large breasts, there wasa Anthony crazy. She was the reason why he was blond and big tits. Then she came to the door. Anthony was secretly in love with his mother but that did not Richard. Luckily it. Richards mother then ran the corridor. Anthony then walked behind her. He saw her walk in her string and BH. They usually had little to the body. That wound him. In the kitchen she grabbed her purse and then she said, "I have today in shoarma haul, but you go to that shoarmazaaak on the corner and take only a portion for me, the small mochen you." So we were pleased to the shoarmazaak. Usually it was not pressure. The immigrant was very friendly and knew who was Richards mother. I think he was also secretly in love with Richhards mother. "So little devils, are you once again glands?" He said. "I'll get a sandwich for me shoarma mother"; said Richard. "Bring it, I assume? "Said the shoarmaboer. "Yes, please" said Richard. "That is more than 7 guilders, please". Richard gave the dollar of his mother. He charged from 10 minus 7 is 3 we can get good stuff. He asked me of what anthony wild drinking. "Do me a cola" said Anthony. "And two cola, like" said Richard. Had ie still a guilder. That would keep ie for a next time.
Shoarma and whores that were the two things that Anthony was on. Even when he was 18 steps on the age. After the steps as they had nothing adorned he and his friends, they went to the whores. Always it exciting. First to the shoarma then to the whores. There were some whores not happy if Anthony then asked how much. "Ask another but you stinks to garlic!" She said then. At the next he asked the same. Sometimes Saturday with the sometimes disappointing. By the time they went to the whores was already 5 pm. So she went first to the shoarma who went close to 5 hours. But the whores went on until late.

So he went during his sessions still secretly to the whores. He felt that the devil him on the heels Saturday, and his followers, the whores, and drug him back into the abyss always tried to trekken.Zo was a few months ups and downs. Until he completely stopped whores and drugs. That was after he once again had gone to the whores. Previously, he took half an hour before he went halfje XTC. But he had the drugs afgezweerd. He ran again in Amsterdam along the walls. And there were girls between nice weather. But this time felt different. He had the feeling that he was allowed anywhere inside. Normal = he was often no. Maybe that came through his appearance. He was finally a Negro. But that was not him brands. They say that large negers xxx. Well that's a myth. Anthony was not proud of my xxx. "Better a small stijgert than those who denied a great!" He thought. Was the devil at work here? Did it in him? Yes of course they wanted his xxx. Because he was a koningszoon. That they secretly after the xxx that condom from the dustbin fish. And then become pregnant through insemination anyway. But not now. He ensured that this time he's introductions are condom. A tasty mokkel blonde with great xxx was again a wave. "That should I take, otherwise they weeer busy!" He thought. He ran to the window. "How much" he said. "50, pipes or medical question" she said. "Rather medical question?" He said. And they buzz the door open. He walked behind her in a long corridor. On either side all rooms. "It is the last room" she said. "Dress you down but, I come" He ran to the rear room. Zag is cozy. Red light at the wall and a single bed. With such a baddoek. And a chair, a sink and a makeuphoekje. He dressed themselves forward. Shoes off. Socks. Broek. "If it?" Asked them from another room. "Yes, yes" he said. When he was completely nude she came inside. "First pay!." She said. He grabbed 50 guilders. "Alsje blieft!" He said. "Thank you, how do you want it? "She asked. "Well just straight right to" Anthony said. They dressed themselves. She had a tatto above her buttocks. You know those wings. Zag there horny. He could hardly wait. He was already stiff. "So, if you have a sense there" she said. "Yes I can hardly wait." He said. "First wash, but come to the sink." She said. They washed and dried him off his dick. Because the hot water was his erection not disappeared. He was still horny. Every time thoughts came to him. "It is a slave of the devil and I must follow the church." Did he says. "But he really wanted her. So thought, "I confess it than they forgive me….". She took out a condom and took it over. She did it very useful. When she started pulling him afte. You saw that she was professionel. She went to bed. He crept to her. While in her. Deeper, ever deeper. And pushed, ever harder and faster. It was good. The thoughts remained, but his flesh was stronger. He could not stop. "From behind" he asked suddenly. "Cost extra hear…." She said. "Let but…." And he went further. Harder and faster. I will those trut her learning. I do neuk that business away. They kreunde "you will". "No, not yet" he said. "I do not have all the time dagf hear…." She said. He was angry. What a xxx "I have paid" So I thought it too. He pushed ever faster and harder. And was ready. As he thought his xxx. That may not get them. He rolled off the condom and made a knot. Stiekem he explained it in his pocket. "Can I still smoke a cigarette?" He asked after he was decorated. "Okay, but then you hear way I have more customers." So she was very still. He also offered her one. Together they smoked a cigarette. "If you persist in the box?" He asked. "Will you nothing". she said. Very talkative, she was not. Fortunately, this is my last time he thought. Then they ran together towards the door. He took leave and went on the road.

2.

Anthony began to function continues to deteriorate. Also at work were always worse.
Since he was suddenly harassed by colleagues. That made jungle noises and he said fewer and fewer, he was less assertive. While he came to the sessions of Scientology, learned to be assertive. His days at work were becoming heavier. He began increasingly to fall asleep just as he was at work. And he had little contackt with colleagues. He avoided everything and everyone. His employer had a conversation with him and told that I agree but should consult a psychiatrist. Because I could have a form of schizophrenia, his son had it too. He believed his ears and went to ask council to church. They advised resign, but he also did not schiftelijk. His employer called him to a psychiatrist to go along. And his parents insisted. Thus he came to a psychiatrist justified. Together with his father, he was there. They came and went inside. He told his whole story about the delusions that he had. About his ex-friends who chase him and threatened him with death.
The psychiatrist was very fast with his conclusion and gave him a folder with about schizophrenia. He said, 'read this leaflet but one that you namely, it is an incurable disease but we do have medications for ". He wrote some medication and Anthony could go. Anthony was not surprised. He felt no emotion. Was not angry or sad when he heard the diagnosis. He thanked the psychiatrist and they went away.

At home he wanted to not taking the medication. He simply thought that a psychiatrist was legalized drug dealer. He thought that many companies had connections with drug conglomerates. And they had it all to see in him. Because he previously used drugs and when he felt strange, he also got that feeling as he drank coffee somewhere, at work or family. So he vertikte to take the medication. The prop came into his head, so I mention it. He had a feeling that his head imploded. That feeling was growing worse and he could do nothing against. The spannning was so great that he could not function normally. He was so days in his room pulled back. And attention to me outside. If he had learned that at church. "Look at that chair, look at that closet, look at the window, look at that book…." So all day Saturday he increasingly focused its attention on something else to draw from that prop in me head, that feeling to his . But it always came back worse than the last time. He told me that, hence to parents who advised me to return to the psychiatrist to go. And the psychiatrist advised him to use medications. Because it was becoming worse. Did he, "I can no longer… The pain how do I get out of there? I have to do something, anything that takes away the pain .. "he decided that he wanted an end to make literally. He began to devise strategies to themselves ready to make. He did not want a flat-off that I was too painful and under a train so also was the rattegif. He cycled to the supermarket to buy. On I came from a friend who drugstijd against. Anthony told him what he was doing. That friend said, "you're crazy man, who just mud medication" So Anthony went home and swallows the medication. Everything disappeared. And I had another bright feeling. If snow in the sun were my problems disappeared. I still thought that the drugs were thought to me and you see the devil himself has yet won.

In the period around January 1997 said his psychiatrist, "It would help if you might get some day to do, I know a good institution. I will give you equal pay… "He thought to himself," That's pretty impressive, since I'll probably against fellow-sufferers and what can I do with my spare time. "He felt that period still tired, but he could return to to a day care to go. He took 3 days in the week the bus, it was half hour away. Most went into s'morgens road and he followed courses. We got a muziekcursus, social development and physical education. I found the muziekcursus have fun. His leraares was a wonderful woman. They could all be selected by an instrument and then they are all music. Anthony chose the piano, which did him the most. So she learned him "Father Jacob". In the beginning was difficult, but after a few lessons he could play the whole self. Anthony felt good. He was good in his sheet. He did not now what I thought I could. He even forgot that he was ill and played happily. He left the hearings with his classmates, he was so excited. Then they tried with various instruments the song "Father Jacob". That was the beginning not to hear. But the teacher said, "If we play slowly and sustain the rhythm is good."
Anthony went too fast and then sometimes I felt he was guilty. Whether he went too slow. Then the teacher said, "a bit faster, the others try to maintain and keep up the beat." They said it is always very friendly. It was a friendly and musical woman. They lied us her favorite muziekliedje hear; "Stairway to heaven". Anthony already knew the song and thought it was good. The teacher described why she felt good. Then the class had to choose a favorite song and tell why they found it so good. Anthony said that his favorite song of Prince; "purple rain". He took that song so well because it was the father of Prince who wanted to commit suicide. And his father Anthony also not well understood. He was in 1985 when a bad relationship with his father. He was always beaten by him. But he never fought back. That he might regret. But he dared not, you need to know his father was a boxing champion. So there you look two times out. During his entire life'm afraid he also worked for his father.
That probably has to do with his illness schizophrenia. He brought him in my psychotic periods frequently in relation with the devil. Or that he was punished by his sins. He had it.
He spent two years by so by three times a week to the day care to go home and watch TV and a little family. The weather was fine with him. Only he had experienced fatigue. So who said he naoverleg with his therapist.
He got back meaning in life and went every day to the library wetenb he wanted everything about his illness. He read many books and everything came down out that the disease was incurable and he had to learn to live with us. He plans to own a house and during his holiday with his parents he got a flat. His therapist had advised've assisted living but he thought I just try first and if that fails, I can still back. He had a financial windfall he had a savings of his work and thus bought his possessions. He looked for all retail outlets and noted exactly what is in his budget pasde. He made lists with excel in many colors and fragrances. Thus he was proud of his work.
He also began a study AOV (General Business Skills). However, he neglected that course. Something long volume is not his strongest side.

It was as good a year he lived in isolation and did not relapse. When he decided together with his psychiatrist to stop the medication. For example, to see whether he really had schizophrenia.

3.

He could think clearly again. He did not last more of the positive symptoms of schizophrenia such as hallucinations and delusions. Or achtervolgingswaan and voting. However, he had the burden of negative symptoms of schizophrenia such as fatigue and long sleep (now insomnia).
The psychiatrist would follow him and inseinen if it would go wrong. Anthony had the first few months does not suffer from nowhere. After 4 months he began to turn things to images. So Saturday he and his friends to watch a movie "Matrix".
The film was about a world that really did not exist but that the people never had come from their sleep during their birth, she lived with millions in broedkamers in a dream world. In reality, they were batteries for robots and lived in a sort of incubator (broedkamer) to machines in large fields. Since the sky was darkened had the energy to robots are now the sun was gone. So they had people in a war and overcome them as slaves and batteries. But a handful of people managed to escape the robots and claimed a fight against the dream world which was controlled by computers. The Matrix said they dream. According to the people who fought against the robots would be in that dream world (Matrix) a new Messiah is born who did not by his imagination. That took them into a Neo computerprogrameur. But he was not aware of his role.
(Anthony felt strongly linked to that actor and hero Neo, because he had the idea that there should be more. He also had a good job, but had commanded the personeelschef and psychiatrists swallow a pill). Neo received messages on his computer that he had to follow certain people with a certain tattoo. Thus he came into contact with the opposition, which is outside the Matrix was. They told him that if he wanted to know what the Matrix is a red or blue pill to swallow. (Anthony did this to his thinking that he drugstijd much XTC and once took LSD, he felt again many agreements).
He took the red pill and was aware of his imagination and was awake in a broedkamer in one of the fields of the actual real world outside the Matrix. The opposition took him and he could not believe that this is the reality was because he knew nothing else. The world was destroyed, it was everywhere domker the sun had disappeared. He was asleep throughout his life remained so you have to imagine.
(When Anthony went on a button, what if he now also living in a fantasy? And with a pill in reality could come ...)
Neo was accompanied in his confrontation with the new reality of the computer simulations (Matrix). And he knew that much was possible with computers but not that they could simulate an entire world. So he goes along with the resistance against the robots fighting. But he is not aware of his forces. So, they go to a waarzegger because the leader of the opposition believes that he is the Messiah. But the teller says that the leader is wrong and indeed that he is a normal man. But he will soon have to come to a choice to choose between the life of that leader and himself. There is also a woman who has heard of the teller that she would love to be the new Messiah. They are all fighting against the robots but there is a Judas (traitor) under the resistance. He wants back into the Matrix and wants nothing more to remind themselves of the reality, because the reality against him. If they live only to fight and in fear. So this Judas had concluded a deal with the robots to return to live in the Matrix but this time as rich and powerful man. Hence, in the last Neo again confronted with the robots. And he was advised to run if he saw this in the Matrix (computer simulations). But he went into battle and they could not beat. Indeed he was slain. But because his real body was still alive (outside the Matrix) he could not dead. So the opposition and in particular those women who fall in love with the Messiah would be kissed him and told him that they held him. And that could just as he was the new Messiah because it had told the teller. So he woke from his coma and was the robots in the Matrix to tackle. Indeed he could now even dodge bullets, indeed he could steer them towards their origin and thus send. Indeed he saw the Matrixsimulatie now only in source code and saw letters instead of images. And so could the heart of the computer him diving and deactivation. Now Deinde even his environment with his new force. And he could fly. End of movie.
Now Anthony was really convinced that he was Neo and that his message was that movie. He was still waiting for the people who came to save me. He saw his friends as fellow-sufferers are not aware of the reality (outside the Matrix).

4.

Anthony decided to read the Bible and saw himself as the new Messiah (vuurMessias) but there have nobody talked about, everything he secretly to myself. He thought again that he was on drugs and that in the peppermint at the petrol station XTC Saturday. But somewhere there had been a red pill to him from my dream (Matrix) helped. Because he so secret (that people from the drug cartels (robots from the Matrix) drugs in the cola and coffee did) of his first psychosis knew. Rookte he always with a pepermuntje (known as ecstasy) in my mouth. And then went on the balcony seat to watch the clouds. If he thought that if it was clear he was powerful. Because he is the warmth of the sun could feel and if there are more clouds came, he had other vuurMessiasen awake, and he soon had his peuk deaf. Even when he went to a party, he did the same on the toilet I was uncertain and afraid, went a cigarette with a pepermuntje smoking. He remained there as long sit quietly until it was in the toilet. So could the minds of other vuurMessiasen (the opposition from the Matrix) through him escape to the underworld (outside the Matrix). Then he went to the toilet again and dancing. But he later felt insecure by the many people around them. he thought they had me in the eye (which he could help spirits and had some power) and had him by. I heard voices in his head and thought that they could read his thoughts or download (Matrix). He dared anyone to watch. And then he went to other smokers (people from the opposition from the Matrix) against a metal pole to let the negative energy could be derived and stuck with a pepermuntje a cigarette in his mouth. Thus they could be force (Neo from the Matrix), and left me with rust (the vote). He talked to anyone as long until I certainly felt again.


5.

At one time he saw his popidool Prince (purple rain), which also strongly believe as his angel, in a vision. He had daily conversations with him throughout my head. Prince said Anthony also what he had to do to him. In his songs he sings that the Messiah had come. Anthony thought that he went on. With Prince he had in secret talks. And he was steaming ready for his new role (Neo from the Matrix). The only thing he had to do was follow the instructions all over everything (movies, people, stories etc) were hidden.
Thus, there was the quest for the light (because Anthony was unconscious Neo who was actually a Messiah). That came after Anthony had read a story about dwarves who lives deep underground.
They lived in darkness and illuminated the area with the valuables they found. But the King was not satisfied with the amount of light even when she built a room full of rubies. With a room full diamonds, he was not satisfied. But the King had also heard a rumour of a dazzling light above the ground. So he decided to look for that light. Although everyone warn him that he went anyway. He graafde a long way to top, which he did two centuries until his hands were purple. It was still pitch dark but he did not want to give graafde and even a century. And when he finally was over, he saw the light most beautiful ever, the sun.
After that story was Anthony a vision. He was my truth in the light. So he searched through his vote, which he showed how a particular vote if you could make in a certain way with a CD into the room, and the path of the light follows. The CD spiegelt and if you see him running different colors. At a given moment, the colors in balance and if he then by the hole in the CD looks, he sees the path he should pursue. So he walked through his living room and in a way the CD into the player. Then came the right mood for the CD to play. He also saved all the newspapers and ads and placed in a certain way in his rooms on them so I had to read a certain order. In each corner stood a stack of newspapers which were in a square. Then he walked diagonally to another square where the truth always left to find (which he had once discovered). If ever I read articles in which small pieces of my so-called truth to be found. He had not by itself but my rooms were full of newspapers and books, stacks. He moved the books and newspapers also increasingly so if anything he had encountered 2x or 3x that greater significance. At the end he walked into my house laps with the help of CDs and votes. After 4 nights not to have slept Anthony still thought that my mother called for an egg to bring. He was not aware of the time and came s'ochtends 6 hours at her an egg (with a soul according to his philosophy) bring specially packaged (in tinfoil so there is no by no jets would also come under his philosophy) so, there no evil spirits that traveled. If his mother would bake egg that would force that Anthony again. When Anthony told his mother that the psychiatrist had to look up again and he was included.

6.
This time, he had a severe psychosis and he was completely contained. He was awakened in a small room with a bed and a closet. He was still in a psychosis and thought that the psychiatrists (robots from the Matrix) my mind could read or download my pet if I had not. In his pet Saturday in a metal knot (gedachtenafleider according to his philosophy). He thought that his thoughts in this way were safe. Of the votes (the resistance from the Matrix) he now does not suffer more because he got medication. Even when he went to sleep he trash cans as a distraction under his bed down. If he thought that his thoughts were lost in the trash cans and were not discoverable. He did every morning at length about the preparation he put my toothbrush and toothpaste in a bell so he saw how late he started and in everything he did, I explained the wiser (toothbrush) away. He was very happy kamde his hair three times and used gezichtsbehandelingsstoffen. Then he went for breakfast. Together with the group. He was uncertain if and when the leadership. But as he headed to the Saturday he thought that he got preferential treatment because he is a Messiah (Neo from the Matrix). Everyone was very friendly and he thought that they were friendly, because he was a Messiah. Therefore, he also complain if the cleaner are not emptied trash. Also during the lunch put the lead to exactly what was where and how everything worked. He thought I was spoiled because I could deal with everything. Later it appeared that some other patients their drink in the fridge had.

7.

During a joint video look, if he were a movie. He thought again because he Messiah (Neo from the Matrix). He saw the film very different from saying that saw and reacted so well otherwise. therefore suggested they ask me what I saw so differently. He saw his old love, for example back in the film and thought that her mother (the leadership (the opposition from the Matrix) that the questions suggested) tried to help him to break out from the recording (Matrix). And he also had to keep things secret. With his old love, he was so closely linked that the psychosis and his entire life played a very important role. They recognized Anthony therefore much in films and stories. But he shared this secret with anyone. And so congested he cigarette packets in the laundry room and accidentally stroked a lighter with a red heart on it. He thought that it would give me power and it was on the table. Similarly with the glasses that it was borrowed.
The film "familyman" was about a man who had a rich life, he was employed by a company with an important position. But he is not happy, he still thinks his first love who had gone to france. He thought now what life would be if they had not gone. At that moment he wakes up next to his girlfriend. Suddenly he has a family and lives in a parallel world. Now he has found happiness but is no longer rich. Indeed he works for a few dollars from guilt for his father who had had a stroke. But the blood creeps where it can not come and he goes along with his former employer. Nobody recognizes him but they were surprised about his genius knowledge of the industry. He gets an expensive job to offer and now he is rich and happy.
After watching the film that I thought Anthony also in a parallel world (Matrix) was rightly come to the recording. The pills he took, actually the red pill was from the film the Matrix. And that the other patients were his opposition. And they secretly fighting against the oppression of the robots (psychiatrists and nursing). Because how he had come there, he knew no longer exists. He knew only that he gave his mother an egg and then fell asleep.
Even he thought that another patient was a sort of fee that helped him. They knew a lot about cultures and he was fascinated about her stories. Sun also told Anthony about my medication and the side effects. He thought they were disguised as a psychiatrist when she means against the adverse reaction wrote. But they had just experienced. Also every time he got another psychiatrist that he always had to explain what he felt. He thought he was tested and therefore other psychiatrists (robots from the Matrix) got.

8.

The psychiatrists, he played with his phone just as if my CDs so the level of the conversation to influence. The indicator (which normally gives to the onvangstbereik of the phone) he saw as an indicator as it is right to speak (for everything that I do not snapte gave it a particular meaning for him was logical). Good reception was for me a good communication. He also had a relatively little freedoms. He was allowed only under escort to the outside with a nurse. The nurse said Anthony than about life. Because he had a pink pants that he thought Anthony was homorobot and instead to accompany him to decorate. Because he was always the same nurse had always thought that he (not aware of the time, and his schedule). Anthony also had ever asked to speak with his consultant, but that did nothing to be heard.
His parents came to visit and brought magazines, and his personal belongings such as his father's chamber (this was for him a special power), black socks and gloves, my phone, clothing and underwear. He thought that they all had secretly taken because in a bag Saturday. Because I had absolutely no freedoms. I also thought that some people with the speed of light stuff could change. And all major drug dealers (people from the opposition in the Matrix) sat on my department. He thought this because they have a name-plate in the room had he thought to be very specially treated with a laptop and stuff. He had no name plate so I was still a novice dealer (Anthony because the Neo thought to be that was unaware of his power and gave). If he thought that I special-ecstasy pill had a pepermuntje that only works if you believe in him. So he pointed out mints as if the XTC-pills were. Because everyone took them good. Of course, but he said, "because they believed in me the extra force was (because I had the secret of the ecstasy pill-discovered. The secret was that the actual XTC-dazzle only experience if you believed in me." He therefore always smoked a cigarette with a pepermuntje so that smoke would overheerzen been on the other smokers. I thought that all drug dealers smokers (people from the opposition in the Matrix). And everybody smoked. And because he had a special method to smoking, namely a first pepermuntje (known as Ecstasy) and then a cigarette. So are all smoke clouds would disappear. If Anthony smoked outside looked like it to the air. It was in the summer sky. Anthony also thought that if he has a cigarette he vuurMessias up one or Messiah. And so I could send the sun. During the smoke clouds came over. and there were always more. When it became clear more and more people around him to sit. I thought now I have the other Messiah wake up and see it my power. He was nervous and anxious. Then he had visions that the fire department and police would help to extinguish the fire. That he had every time I quietly on a cigarette smoking and the sun behind the clouds disappeared. (And the image of a Matrix began to live again). He felt me about my limits as Messiah (vuurMessias) are going to go. And the police and fire (robots from the Matrix) would be alarmed . He went away and showed me respect to the other Messiah (patients). He had a little touch of metal to return to earth as I call it. He was looking for a chair and remained just as long as the metal legs detention until I felt calm again. He also played with me peuken as a kind of chess. If he were peuk doofde he peuken other from the inner ring of the ashtray to the outer ring and if I had a clean ashtray.
Also evening he spoken. He then walked along the rooms of patients (opposition from the Matrix) as a gateway to facilitate their minds than who could celebrate at a party (outside the Matrix (computer simulations)).

9.

There was also an evening that Anthony naked, with the chamber of my father, went on the disabled toilet. He thought if his path to prepare as he would be old. He then grabbed a chair and went to the mirror, and he imagined that TV Saturday to look into the dark and if his fate was determined. He knows how he no longer there but am a nurse has helped him back to his room. He thought that they actually his ex-girlfriend was where he had such a great love for. Also he was looking into the trash can always refer to a pack of candy wrappers. He thought that the valuables were in his dream. Because there was ever a sweet resident who could be used for transporting minds. After three weeks Anthony was dismissed from the hospital.
At home he has paid the overdue debts. His administration was completely lost. He had anywhere between piles of paper major newspapers. And those piles had been thrown a lot of parents. He'm busy months along with a Social Work to organize its administration. His days were heavy, not only I had a lot of the burden of fatigue but also the side effects of the medication. So he was pleased that a new drug on the market. Abilify, he was one of the first subjects. It was not reimbursed by health insurance so he got it directly from the psychiatrist. Everything they promised was true, he felt good and could turn the whole world to now he thought it would come. But the side effect of the medicine was worse. After two months of inability to sleep, he stopped. He now swallows his old medicines weather, Risperdal but I still suffer from insomnia and weight. Every day for him is heavy. The bedtime and can not fall asleep easily. It takes approximately 3 hours 4 hours a honor he fell asleep. Even with the Temazepan succeed sleep difficult. Now his day and nachtritme reversed. By day he'm very tired of the night and lasts a long time before I sitting in a rhythm. He relish look everywhere, cleaning, vacuuming, doing the laundry, cleaning, etc. Fortunately he get help from his sister. So that is lighter, they come along every week to see how it goes with him. Also I often eat with his parents, because the cooking is also a major challenge for him.

10woensdag 22 november 2006.

It is not easy and every day to fight. They say that the disease is becoming worse and in the end you have constant need help. The suicidepercentage is high. Anthony also believe that I still go around in the Matrix but that people with schizophrenia who have discovered truth and are liberated. He believes that the medication he now swallowing the red pill is actually from the movie the Matrix. But not the pure species and has many side effects. He still hopes for a new medicine as Abilify but without side effects. Those pills cost 100 euros per 30 pieces. The reason why they are so expensive, the development costs. But deep into Anthony himself has not abandoned the faith and believe that they are but a few are available. His psychiatrists protect him against the evil outside world. Still, he has nightmares about the drugs and the Matrix. Every day I hope that once he wakes up with a woman next to me and showed a family (see movie "familyman") He'm calm now voluntary, 1 afternoon in the week. If everything goes well he wants to expand. He is also a member of the fellow-sufferers group Anoikses. He still lives in a fantasy world partly because the medication suppresses your imagination alone and cites the fact remains. But he knows that if he stops the medication he once again get a psychosis and again in the psychiatric institution (Matrix). And he no longer have rights and my house etc. loss. But he certainly knows 1 thing he does not want 3rd psychosis. Because it can sometimes be fatal. He could, for example, in my suicide attempt can succeed or so aggressively that they imprison me with TBS (Ter Decision of the State). Many people with schizophrenia are in prison because strange things they have done during their psychosis. If he does not want to end. For example, the delusions that they homicide people had actually carried out.
Most people with schizophrenia neglect themselves and their environment during and after psychoses, but he can pretty deter neglect. He now has some dwanghandelingen left out of his psychosis in order to keep everything clean, so he does not fall back. But the largest he has trouble with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. The largest are the fatigue and insomnia. It is not easy to live with these disadvantages. In the evening it may be difficult to sleep and when he finally I can sleep difficulty of fatigue out of bed. Anthony has done for a while fitness 2 days a week an hour. It consisted of 15 minutes cardio and 15 minutes walk cardio bikes. Then 2 abdomen exercises and finish with 2-arm exercises. During the fitness've had it heavily. This 15-minute walk for him, what an hour for a normal man. After the fitness he was therefore totally exhausted.
The fear to be psychotic.

Now they hold a weekly list to the first signs of a psychosis to recognize.
These are the signals;
Anxiety / excitement;
1) Tense, nervous.
2) Sleep.
3) Bang, anxious.
4) Concentration difficulties.
5) Discuss in emotions.
6) Quick excited.
7) Dwanghandelingen.
fear being alone.
9) Anxiety to be psychotic.
Depression / retreat;
1) Silent, withdrawn.
2) Less contackt, less talk.
3) Depressed, mat.
4) Avoid people.
5) Poor appetite weight loss.
6) Currently bodily functions.
7) Less energy.
Negligence care.
9) Negligence own house.
10) Feelings of guilt.
11) Suicide thoughts.
Ontremming;
1) Kribbig, aggressive,
2) restlessness.
3) More discussion, disagreement.
4) Opgewonden.
5) More associations.
6) Having trouble organizing thoughts.
7) Emotional outbursts.
Strong elevated mood.
9) More alcohol or drug use.
Increase psychotic experiences and practices;
1) people no longer trust.
2) Everyone looks at me.
3) There is talk about me.
4) Feeling that others do not understand me.
5) Take intense true.
6) Think faster.
7) Confused about their own experiences.
Dream more and more intensively.
9) Strong engaged in 1á2 topics.
10) Feel me unreal.
11) Experience world as unreal.
12) Explain links with myself.
13) Take more risks.
14) Tijdsbeleving is different.
15) Hear votes.
16) Voorgevoelens, read body language.

This list hold his weekly and also provide as to how the signals for him to apply. If the signals should sharply increase his medication in consultation with the psychiatrist adjust. In addition, he biweekly consultation with a healthcare professional.