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My son hates me (Page 1)

I don't know what to do anymore. My 15 year old son really hates me. I used to think he just said it in the heat of the moment but now I have no choice but to believe him. I have tried my best with him, gave him lots of love and looked after him, but more and more he shows me no respect. He gets so angry that I don't let him do anything he wants, whenever he wants. He has a twin sister who is truly wonderful to me and is very happy, but he makes it out like I'm ruining his life and says he hates that he ended up with me as a mother and can't wait to leave home. He doesn't see how much I've done for him all these years and that he's not grown up yet and he can't just do anything he wants. Now because he has been so disrespectful to me, I have disconnected his internet and he is so angry at me that he is saying the most hurtful things to me that a son just shouldn't say to his mother. I feel like just going somewhere and never coming back, but ofcourse I can't, I feel like I can't cope with him anymore.
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First Helper Mother57
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Users who thank marcy09 for this post: Gemmalong 

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replied July 13th, 2009
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I really feel for you. It's so difficult raising teenagers. I have two myself. One thing I learned years ago and as a teacher also; many kids, especially if they are angry will react better from positive reinforcements than the constant punishment that doesn't work. It just gets them more angry making things worse. Your son doesn't really hate you but something between the two of you is frustrating him. Do you have open communication in your house? Are you very strict? Eventually they do grow up and realize how much you have done for them but in the meantime you have some options. You definitely need some help with your son. He seems very angry which is focused on you. My sister is having the same problem with her son and I honestly believe that it's her fault. I've spent time with them and it's obvious that any child, especially one with anger issues would act out after their mother repeatedly insulted them. I've tried to tell her that what she was doing was wrong but she just refuses to listen. I'm not saying that you are doing this to your son but there could be something else going on with the relationship causing him to think that he hates you. It may not be your fault at all but I think you should start by talking to your son about talking to a professional that has experience with family counseling. I wish you luck!
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Users who thank wendyrs for this post: robyncombs6 

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replied January 12th, 2012
Put him out and let him go like the bird...If he comes back, let it be w/your rules and be very strict about them. I have a 28 yr old son that acted this way and to date, he is still very disrespectful and I regret not laying the ground rules down long ago. I did everything in my power to give him the best and for the most part, I did this alone. His father showed up when he wanted and contributed at Christmas SOMETIMES. He is the one that gets the respect, however. I say it would be easier to cut your losses now rather than feeling so sad and sick that you've concentrated and wasted time on an ingrate that does not understand, nor want to respect you and your role. It is easier said than done but take care of yourself and the daughter that loves you. He will need you first and that's when you remind him that you wont have it any other way but to be respected.
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Users who thank SKR for this post: robyncombs6 

replied July 13th, 2009
Thankyou very much for replying. Sometimes I just feel like there's noone to talk to. I know raising teenagers is hard but my God! This has been building up for a long time, he never really wanted to even accept me as an authority figure. I'm not overprotective, but he expects that because all his friends are allowed to do whatever they want, when they want then that makes me overprotective. It's really the lack of respect that I can't get over. Anyway, thankyou so much again for caring.
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replied October 9th, 2011
i feel for you hun my sons exactly the same hes only 10 every single night when he goes to bed he bangs on the floor for attention shouts down the stairs unfotunatly the walls are thin and we live in mod accomadation im at my wits end thinking that we're gonna get a complaint about his behavour and noise , hes very controlling over me and gets very jealous if i do things on my own or when my husband comes home i really dont know what to do any ideas its got to a stage i might move out just so we dont get complaints x
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replied December 22nd, 2011
Listen
What I have learned so far is that sometimes our children mirror back our issues so when I was angry my son would be angry back to me even if I wasnt aware I had anger issues. If we dont respect ourselves then they dont. If we irritate them they irritate us and so on. I am still learning and will do until the day I die no doubt or should I say hopefully? We learn from others around us. What is your son trying to teach you?
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replied June 21st, 2012
Mistreated and abused by son
It so very true. I separarted from my ex four years ago. My 16 yr old son learned to be exactly like his father. Even though his father is gone I still have the same problems and I see his father's behavior in him. He is Very disrespectful, bully type with me. I think I have being a good mother and have tried to provide some balance in his life. His father gives him everything at all the the wrong times and does not challenge him intellectually.
I have taken him for therapy when he was younger but it was difficult to find a good therapist. I believe parental alianation plays a role in this. He loves his father dearly and I am the bad guy in the story. He is obssesed with x box. His father just bought him a new one after he dropped the one he had when I tried to take it away from him after playing all day. I canceled the internet two weeks ago to impress on him that he should be respectful with me that's all I ask. Its not working he calls me names and makes derogatory comments. I have never in my life being treated so bad, so much abuse, with the exception of his father when he was here at home it was real hell. When his father left the house my son promised me to make my life miserable and he has done exactly that. I wish I could disappear and escape this reality. I have fibromyolgia and at times I fell I can not go on anymore. God is good and every day I find the strenght to start a new day a new beginning. I tried to forget the hurtful things and anger that my son displays towards me. I pray that he realizes what he is doing is very wrong. He does not want to do anything with me he only goes with me to restaurants or the store if his father comes with us.... I am really hurting , in my wildest dreams i would think my only son could be sooooo mean and disrespectful with me. When he was 7 he was diagnosed with ADHD I gave him medication for a short period of time but he said he was having palpitations from taking concerta so we stopped it.
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replied August 9th, 2012
My teenage son hates me
Hi Gladis, You could be writing my story there only my darling son is 15. He has hurt me more than anything in this world. He hates me with a passion and lets me know it for sure. He told me not long ago to get into my car, go for a drive, crash and die then he would be very happy. You have no idea how much that shocked and ripped my heart out. I may as well have done exactly what he said because I truely died inside that very day. Since then I have not been able to look at him the same way and I honestly feel that day that I lost any maternal feelings I ever had. It's hard to admit that but it's true. I had to shut down completely in order to be able to carry on. Now I just carry on like a robot. I feel I have a job to do until he is 18 and after that I will be free of the pain and suffering he has caused my. I hate to be around him as he is so nasty and evil towards me. All I did was leave his fater for a better life for both of us but he will never see it that way. He thinks his father is God. I have considered letting him go to live with his father as he is always saying how much he hates me and loves his father and wants to live with him. The more I think about it the more tempted I am but would he end up worse off? I don't know.
Parenting is the most thankless and hardest job in the whole world.
May god forgive my son for making me feel so worthless because I know I never will.
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replied October 16th, 2012
Help
This is the same story as mine. My son is 10 years old. I got divorced in 2006, when my son was just 3 years old. His father begged me to come back and be a family. Which I did for the sake of my son. We broke up again and got back to together. The final straw was last year, I could not take his verbal abuse anymore and his family interference. I finally left him. My son blames me for everything, he wants to live with his father. When my son goes to his father on weekends they brainwash him to hate me and to show no respect. I never thought your own child could speak to you in this manner. So tired of this, not sure what to do. I need to get my relationship with my son back, but his father is making this impossible....
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replied September 28th, 2012
son hates mom
I want tell all the mothers out there that they are not alone. The fathers are wimps and the tv videos music and x box are oue competition. I wish people knew how hard it is now. Love all of you
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Users who thank 59sadmomma for this post: CandyA 

replied September 28th, 2012
I want tell all the mothers out there that they are not alone. The fathers are wimps and the tv videos music and x box are oue competition. I wish people knew how hard it is now. Love all of you
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Users who thank 59sadmomma for this post: rozagain 

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replied July 13th, 2009
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Marcy, I think teens feel that a parent is over protective when not allowed to do things..It shows them love and someday they will recognize that..

I think your son needs to talk with a psychologist or pastor..I agree, with him having a potty mouth he doesn't deserve internet useage or anything else until he cleans up his act..Hang in there honey..Is there a dad in his life? If not can you get him a big brother for a couple years? Boys need a male in their lives to help them grow stronger..It's not as a female that we do bad jobs it's just boys need the strength a male brings to the relationship..
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replied May 31st, 2011
my 15 yr old son hates me
I am having the same problem with my 15 year old son. His father and i are seperated, he lives in another state, hes in and out of his life. Recently about a year ago he has gotten so disrespectful, arrogant, and defiant towards me. I do everything for him, except i cant be a man that i think he needs. Ido not have a male figure in his life. He curses at me calls me such hurtful names, and i feel like just leaving. Recently, he went to spend some time with hisfather and since he left 5 days ago, i havent heard from him. When i text him he replies, that i should get a life and do something and dont text him. What did i do to him to make him resent me so much? We were so close, and i gave and did everything for him?
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replied June 11th, 2011
It is not your fault don't even think that for one minute. My 14 year old daughter is putting me through the same hell. Says I should not ask where she is going or who she is with, that I am crazy because I ask and make her get me phone numbers and addresses. WE just had a fight and now she is staying with a friend because I said that she had to either respect me as a parant and my rules or she can not be at my house. It is KILLING me that she isn't home, I want to get her, grab her and say "don't you know how much I love you?" but I cannot give in or she will see no boundries and have no respect. The whole thing is horrible. Sure I blame myself for mistakes I have made that have probably made this worse, BUT don't blame yourself about your son. Loving him and protecting him is not a mistake. I think they will not hate us forever, I hope.
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replied April 24th, 2012
I completely understand your frustration. I too, have a 15 years old son. My ex-husband and I have been separated for 4+ years and divorced for 2. Just recently (last summer), my son spent about three weeks after school with my ex. Apparently my ex told him things about me that made him doubt me as a mother. He came back to me a completely different kid. Actual hatred in his eyes and complete defiance. After trying for 3 months to get him to stay with me and attend school in our town, he wore me down to the point where I let him go live with his dad (about 1/2 hour away) and attend school in that city. He was so disrespectful and rude; a terrible example to his two younger siblings. Now I only see him every other weekend, and every time he tries to get "out of it". He says he "hates my house". He calls my ex's girfriend "Mom"...and tells me that he will call me "mom" when "I start acting like one". I can't dicipline him. My ex has already had Child Protective Services here (accusations were completely unfounded), but now my son knows that he is "untouchable" and has no respect for me or my fiance. It's horrible. I struggle every other weekend; should I force him to come, or just let him stay with his dad? When he is here he is aloof and does not want to do anything with the family, stating "what is the point?". Breaks my heart constantly, but I still want to try to be involved with his life. He won't tell me when any of his sport activities are...has actually has asked me not to come. I feel like I have lost him, literally....sometimes I feel like I am mourning him. Nothing I say helps. He says all I do is "kiss his ass, or nag all the time". He has no respect for anything while he is in my home, and he refuses to go places with us. He usually makes us late because he says that he refuses to get into the car. I can't touch him, and he knows it. So sad. I wish that I could raise him like my parents raised me. I feared and respected them...thought twice about doing anything bad. We have become impotent, and the kids know it. I'm so frustrated and lost!
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Users who thank kellylewin for this post: lynch25320 

replied August 13th, 2009
Just read it
I THINK its your fault. Because when I was a teenager, my dad always talk about my negatif attitude. For example, my family went out for a dinner. Then, my father scold me because im not wearing my spectacle. But when i ask him this question, "Okey, I'm not wearing my spectacle. But why do you expect me to wear it? You are not wearing yours. So, why should u scold me?". Then he gets more angry. I know I shouldn't talk that way to my father. But even if I dont say it, he will still be angry of me. So, what I'm try to say is, maybe you did something wrong. And, when you talk to your son about what he did the same thing as u did, he'll be angry because you can do it but he cant.
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replied May 28th, 2011
I hope you do not have any children! Your a fool.
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replied May 28th, 2011
I hope you do not have any children! Your a fool.
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replied December 4th, 2013
It sounds as if you may be one of the kids these mothers are talking about. Until you have experienced raising a child, keep your comments to yourself. Only another mother or parent can understand the pain a child can inflict. And yes we do make mistakes..everyone does ok. It is all a learning experience and the we do the best we can with what we have. period. There comes a time when a child stops blaming the parent and accepts responsibility for their life. I am speaking from the perspective of an abandoned, neglected child and a mother.
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replied September 23rd, 2014
You don't make sense, are you 12?
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replied August 13th, 2009
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Jazzman honey-you were disrespectful to your dad..As you know the situation for wearing spectacles is different..You did not mention if he and you were trying to read a menu..Or, if you were asking questions without wearing your glasses and he already knew what he wanted..
To me it sounds like you began accusing your dad and you don't see it..

But, also you are seeing a double edged sword..Where a parent complains about in you the same thing they do themselves..When you see this it might be good to wait and talk about it at a later date to keep from anger building..To talk when things are calm is best..Also, asking in a not accusing way will help you get your
point across..Delivery of a question or statment means alot..

Honey I hope you and your dad work out your differences..Having a dad that stands beside you is a blessing..kd
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replied August 14th, 2009
Well, in a way you can't blame him. I mean, we don't really choose the enviroement in witch we are born, right?

Maybe you should try to emphasize more with your son, talk more and learn the art of compromise.
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replied August 27th, 2009
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throw him to a family member or his father. let him go to a place where he would cry to have you in his life.
there's young teens on this site that say they hate their parents because they wont allow them to smoke weed.
if my son said that i would slap his lips off, and i dont believe in beatings.
you have to be tough, he needs to have respect for you or leave. i would not deal with him being disrespectful to me.
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replied March 4th, 2013
I loved your response. Amen
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replied August 27th, 2009
Experienced User
Marcy,
I myself was a young teen that said I "hated" my parents, although I never said it to them. Alot of times kids will act this way because his friends act that why toward their parents. I no that I would get to angry at my parents for not letting me to do thing that my friends got to do or I would get angry because my friends could talk to their parents a certain way and I could not. Your son sounds like he needs an outlet. My parents got me vocal lessons and I was able to channel my focus into that. See what programs you can get your son into. There is also a saying you can telly our son that my parents say everday. " Attention teens, Move out, get a job and live on your own while you still no everything"
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replied October 15th, 2009
My son hates me
I am going through the very same thing right now with my 14 year old son. I am the one that disaplines and dad is just a friend, it seems. If I ask or tell my son to "clean his room or do his homework", he tells me that I am annoying and shuts me out. He doesn't have conversations with me but just answers yes or no and you can tell he does it on purpose, not because he's a quiet person. He won't clean his room and tells me he did his homework and just lies to my face when his grades come back to reflect otherwise. His attitude towards me is breaking my heart and I told him so and he doesn't care. I am the one that was the room parent, the one who goes to his sporting events, the one who buys his gifts, the one who cares about his grades, the one who cleans the house, cooks for him and washs his clothes. Dad who is still in house is his buddy and always too busy to go to his events, his grades, to shuttle him around but yet my son loves him more. I don't get it, just don't get it..
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replied May 31st, 2011
Your situation is the exact same as mine> My 15 year old does not appreciate everything that i did and still do for him. His father not in the picture, i take him to all his sporting events, cooks, cleans etc, and as soon as his father comes around every 4 years, hes the best. I do too much.
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replied June 7th, 2011
My son is the same
I have a 17 yr old who hates me does not respect me help me or respect my home he is the youngest of 6, 3 now left home and married ,but i have bought him up since he was 4 months old on my own as his dad left and does not bother with him ,im disabled and my other children are ok iv got to the point where i want to end my life as the constant abuse has left me feeling such a failure ,i have no vices or social life no friends yet i welcome his and his 18 yr old brothers friends into my home and they all call me mum, im at the end now as i cant make him understand common sense and respect anymore.
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replied August 24th, 2011
My son hates me
I am going through the same thing. My son is 12. He loved his dad but is so hateful to me.
He screames at me that he hates me and that the wants to go live with his grandparents. He tells me to shut up all of the time and peers at me with hateful eyes and shouts at me. I find myself shouting back at him. and I don't want to do that. I am at a loss. I do not want our releation ship to be ruined. I don't know what to do.
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replied November 30th, 2011
Well im in need of help my son says i should of got him aborted says I'm a terrible mom he smashes up my house and intimidates me i love him so much and have done my best for him but if i have no money to give him he goes absolutely wild kicking in doors smashing windows pulling out light fittings . I have to go into my room but he comes in and continues shouting and smashing up my room he's 19 and i hate to say this but I am scared of him please give me some advice I'm totally lost .
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replied September 30th, 2012
Send him on his way NOW!

I hope you did and that everything is better for you..

I am going through such pain with my 16year old at the moment..He is in some respects an A* student..And in other respects completely disrespectful of his family.
He smashes his room up when some one says the wrong thing,or something doesn't go right for him.

I am worried for his future,especially with the temper..I feel he is suffering with bipolar but it's really hard to get the right support in the UK with so many people with needs! I feel like my head is constatly hitting a brick wall,really!

He is now at his aunties because I will not accept his behavior and the way he frightens his younger brothers.

He told me (and I have it recorded) that I 'should have kept my legs closed' meaning he wouldn't be here now..My own son!!

He is in a very dark place emotionally and I just cannot get through to him..I had to make a choice and that choice is for him to be away from his immediate family for now,to 'think about' 'or not' how he is affecting ALL of our lives.

He has broken my heart believe me,but I have had to be tough on him..God Bless xxxxxxxx
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Users who thank Juliette46 for this post: ConfusedParent 

replied October 24th, 2012
My teenage son "hates" me
I know this is an old post. Can you tell me that it eventually got better? I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, broken hearted and scared for my teenager's future.
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replied October 24th, 2012
My teenage son "hates" me
I know this is an old post. Can you tell me that it eventually got better? I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, broken hearted and scared for my teenager's future.
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replied March 28th, 2010
I know this thread is kind of dead but honestly the best way to receive the respect of your son are to set ground rules that are made based on both you and your son I find that alot of parents are strict to there kids thinking it gone make them tough and yes it will if done properly but at that age its pretty much hopeless to even attempt to make that teenager of your respect you the way you want to instead of trying to point out all the things you have done for him and trying to make your self the king of the payground try to set rules you can both agree on like come on people when I was younger my mom would say respect me I pay the bills around here. then thinking to myself I don't care what you do honestly I am in school last time I checked I had to goto school its not my fault that I can`t just magicaly walk out of your life and pay for self so I don`t have to listen to act like you always deserve the respect because of the those little things you did, its not that your son can help it because, it is out of his power to control what you have done for him its like me doing something for you and expecting a thank you from me and your son doesn`t wanna say thank you because he is now stuck in your little trap you made because you think it will make him see that your his mom who has done so much. But I can honestly tell you from experience, how much those little traps my mother set for me pissed me off to the point I was yelling in my head leave me alone if I wanted your help I would have asked, but honestly I don`t want your help leave me alone.
so you can see yes what I use to do to my mom was very imature but as a teenager then I thats how I felt which is common for most teenagers at that age to feel trapped and annoyed because you have to face the facts most teenager feel like there at a whole new level which is right near being a adult and they think they can do anything and should be allowed to make there choices that follow in there life. so set some rules your both can agree on and maybe instead of expecting the respect show him the respect and maybe it will catch on to him, but don`t let him walk all over you just don`t restict him to much because at that age the world is his payground and he just telling you hes got the freedom and hes not asking for it.
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replied March 28th, 2012
Are you stupid? You can't let a teenage boy set his own rules in life. If they grow up thinking they are allowed to do that and only respect the things or people they find suitable then how do they learn respect for law and social convention?
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replied April 4th, 2010
Nickory,

We are on the same page here. I can feel the pain you''re feeling inside. I cried a river for the way my son is treating me. I leave everything to the Lord to guide him. At the moment, we are at the same house but nit speaking to each other. This hurts a lot but my son doesn''t care.
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replied April 5th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
If you child made it to 15 before they hate you, you''re blessed. If you have one teenaged child that doesn''t hate you, you are doing great. Teenagers lead horrible lives, they don''t understand their position in life, they are too smart for the lives they lead and not smart enough for the lives they want.

It would be great if you could be your child''s hero all of their life but they are treating you with disrespect. You need to be their parent and their keeper and that means that you have to reign in their behavior with punishment. If your teenage child wants to be given the liberties of an adult treat them like one. Demand that they validate their desires by telling you how they''ll avoid negative consequences and uphold their responsibilities like an adult would. Most 15 year olds are very good at logic and can diagnose your concerns and adress them in a reasonable negotiation. Your child will need to be given responsibility in small doses in order to mature into an adult, however you have the final authority of when they will be trusted with that responsibility.
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replied June 18th, 2010
I'm so depressed as my son appears to hate me
Great thread. Obviously we are all having simialr issues hence why we read the atricle. My son has ADHD and slight dispraxia, but i think it's just a label for his behaviour as the 'specialists' don't live with him and see the effect on the rest of the family (wife and two daughters). He won't abide by any rules whereas for the most time the girls do, he's physical but not to the point of violence. The other day he put his foot through an internal bedroom wall and threw things around. In trying to talk to him it just makes things worse. Later he says he hates being like this and he's worried about his future. We're seeking help from others sources, possibly a psychologist, so hoping that this will help him most of all , but also the rest of us. All we want to do is love our children and for us to be happy.
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replied July 25th, 2010
My son also hates me. I understand how you feel. He is 11 years old and just despises me. He is rude and cheeky and tells me that he hates me and wants to live with someone else and hopes that I lose my job. I am absolutely desperate and don't know who can help. He is completely unreasonable when I tell him he has to go to bed and can't do something. He goes into a fit of rage and screams at me, slamming his door and telling me he wishes I was dead. I have always tried to encourage him and be positive, so I don't know where I've messed up. He hates going to his father's place, so maybe he is punishing me somehow for that. I get to the point where I wish I'd never had him and would gladly give him to anyone who wants him. Needless to say, at least you know you're not alone out there. I hope your problems are resolved, Marcy, and everyone else's as well and you and your son start to mend your relationship.
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replied September 15th, 2010
I'm going through the same, lies, stealing from me hes 15 i want him out but no where will take him.i love him but dont like him at all he isnt a nice person,he has adhd but uses it as an excuse-i dont have a life,teresa
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replied May 25th, 2011
My daugher said she hates me today.......
tree68,

I know how dealing with an adhd child can be, I have 2 children at home with it and it is not an easy job. But I feel like this:

Most of us CHOSE to have children, therefore we must take part of the responsibility of how they are turning out. Yes some of it is just the age and the situation they may be in. I am a single mother with NO help from the Dad (sperm donor) and my 14 yr old son sometimes thinks he can do no wrong. My 11 yr old daughter on the other hand can see what a jerk and problem he is.

She usually doesn't say bad things to me but today she told me for the first time she hates me and it hurt me deeply, my son has never said that, he has said he wishes things were different or maybe he would want to live somewhere else but always apologizes to me and says he didn't mean it.

I felt guilty for a long time because of the way my marriage ended and not being able to do what I wanted for them or to buy them the stuff they wanted but as they have gotten older I have found that I was wrong for doing that and now that I am trying to correct it it is not the easiest thing in the world to do.

But I wont put up with the disrespect or them using the adhd as an excuse for anything, they are on meds and they are working well and they are now seeing a therapist and she is great.

Good Luck to you and to everyone on here
Bless you all
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replied November 29th, 2011
My 15 Year Old Son Hates Me
tree 68-
I read your comment and all I could think was; WOW somebody out there knows how my heart aches every day at the total lack of respect and love my Son shows towards me. ow, I must say that although I am consumed with guilt of my own and am accountable for the poor choices I made along the road to where we are now, my 15 year old Son has become a heartless, ruthless, cold, uncaring, hateful boy AND it's all aimed directly at me. He is the oldest of four boys, my Husband & I have been separated for 4+ years. Our separation was the result of bad choices we were making together. I had NO CHOICE but to leave our home. Although things were extremely difficult financially and otherwise, I did everything in my power to make sure they all had everything all of the other kids had. The one thing I couldn't do was replace the security and stability we had all shared. Despite this, my Son and I remained very close and shared a bond that I thought could never be broken. That is until recently, he is fed up with the fact that things have remained the same, kind of in limbo, for so long. I must admit, I accept responsibility for this. The idea of a real life change seems so overwhelming, so I have given in and accepted where we are, without a home of our own yet, a nice home with my Mother who cannot live alone anyways. A life with assistance from the State, thinking how can I actually afford to provide for 4 boys, the youngest having Down Syndrome, on my own, without any assistance. I caved! I admit it! Now, I am constantly told that he doesn't love or care about me. I am continuously reminded by him that I am a failure, a loser, and do not deserve his respect. How am I suppose to pick myself up, hold my head high and have a positive attitude that "YES!I can make a better life for all of us!", when every day I am getting knocked down and being told "NO! I am not capable of doing anything on my own!" by my 15 year old son? My biggest problem is that a part of what he says is actually true, I know I haven't done EVERYTHING I could/can to better our lives (there Father doesn't contribute financially), I can do more, I am ashamed that I have settled, ashamed that I receive assistance. My Children are my life. I want to be a Mother that they are all PROUD of. I wish things could be like they were before (as do we all), back in a time when we built our dream home (Which is now foreclosed), back in a time when our home was the house all the neighborhood kids loved to come to and always had an open invitation, back in a time when I was like the "Kool-Aid Mom"! Not this horrible, useless person my Son recklessly personifies me to be. I feel as though ALL of the good things, ALL of the sacrafice I so courageously made in an effort to keep us together and off of the unhealthy, debilitating path in which we were headed goes completely unnoticed
and unappreciated! Ya know something though? What am I saying?! I shouldn't expect appreciation for any of that; that is undoubtedly my job as a Mother! It's Time! I know it's overdue, actually! "Time to get busy livin' or get busy dyin'"!
Few questions though; How do I make him see that with every cruel, vicious thing he says to me,I die just a little more inside? How do I make him love me again? How do I make him see how much I care? How do I make him see that all I want, all I've ever wanted, is for him to be happy?
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Users who thank SueElle23 for this post: w8tng2xhale 

replied April 27th, 2012
SueElle23: You should not have to put up with the abuse you are taking from your son. Personally, I think his behavior is absolutely reprehensible. I have a disabled child myself (autism) and a teen boy acting just about the same way as yours. My son told his school counselors that I abused him as a child and they believed him. Even supported his decision to leave my home and not come back. I never abused my son, yes I certainly made mistakes, big ones. But I even owned up to him, told him I was sorry, validated his pain and asked for forgiveness, and you know what I got back for my efforts? More of the same.. He writes me vicious and cruel notes, he harassed me with text messages, he says mean and cruel things and acts like I'm nothing to him. The other day, he told me he wasn't going to his therapy anymore because he feels fine and he's not hurting anybody. If he only knew how I've been hurting every single day crying or on the verge of crying.

I finally went to a therapist myself now that I have time not toting his ass everywhere and guess what she told me? I'll tell you the same thing. You are the one being abused. You, Mom and me! She said he's taking out all his anger on the one person he knows will forgive him. I told her I don't think I can forgive this. She said, that's fine! You don't have to! Go home, put your feet up, don't worry about this anymore, go on with your life! If he runs his life into an early grave, you will be sad but they make their choices. At fifteen or sixteen, that's old enough for them to know how to not end up killing themselves in a car wreck or switchblade fight. They know not to do street drugs hopefully and not start a family too young. Let your dreams for a bright future filled with proud achievements, let go of your dreams of seeing him graduate from anything. Let go of your dream of him coming to your house on Mother's day with an apology and roses. Let go of your dream for him to have a good career and a nice family some day. Not gonna happen.

As for you homelife..... No one is going to knock you for doing your best except for a selfish little brat that turned out that way by no fault of your own. You have special challenges and you've met them. You are not having an easy time, you are doing the best you can, so what if you're tired. Of course you are, raising a special needs child. Give all your love to that little one and let the other one go and find out how hard life really can be. It can be cruel, he will find out a lot faster than you did. He'll be lucky if he's not in jail within a few years. Don't call him, don't ask him to come home, don't take him anywhere, don't pick him up, don't wash clothes, tell him to leave if he doesn't like it. No judge is gonna blame you....
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replied May 25th, 2011
My daugher said she hates me today.......
tree68,

I know how dealing with an adhd child can be, I have 2 children at home with it and it is not an easy job. But I feel like this:

Most of us CHOSE to have children, therefore we must take part of the responsibility of how they are turning out. Yes some of it is just the age and the situation they may be in. I am a single mother with NO help from the Dad (sperm donor) and my 14 yr old son sometimes thinks he can do no wrong. My 11 yr old daughter on the other hand can see what a jerk and problem he is.

She usually doesn't say bad things to me but today she told me for the first time she hates me and it hurt me deeply, my son has never said that, he has said he wishes things were different or maybe he would want to live somewhere else but always apologizes to me and says he didn't mean it.

I felt guilty for a long time because of the way my marriage ended and not being able to do what I wanted for them or to buy them the stuff they wanted but as they have gotten older I have found that I was wrong for doing that and now that I am trying to correct it it is not the easiest thing in the world to do.

But I wont put up with the disrespect or them using the adhd as an excuse for anything, they are on meds and they are working well and they are now seeing a therapist and she is great.

Good Luck to you and to everyone on here
Bless you all
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replied July 18th, 2011
I have a very hateful and deceitful son ... He is 15 and steals everything from me and goes into our bedroom and takes whatever he wants. I cannot get his father to stand with me and teach this little punk a lesson about accountability/responsibility ... His father calls me a b*, crazy and said he is sick of "us two" ... There is no us two ... I am his parent not his sibling... He also contradicts me daily. We are a divided front ... I hate him and resent him. I am thinking of leaving ... I deserve to be happy.
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replied October 4th, 2010
Going through the same thing...
I am going through the same thing. My son and I used to be very close, until he was about 13. Then his grades went completely downhill, he totally shut me and his father (and his little brother) out of his life, spent every waking minute with his friends, is never home, and when he is, he is in his room with the door shut. He lies to me all the time (about stupid things, too, for which there is no reason to lie). He won't do any work, he won't play any sports (and he's super athletic), he doesn't care about school or his future. His girlfriend recently broke up with him, and he was heartbroken (I saw it on facebook, of all places...thank God for facebook, otherwise I would have no idea what's going on in his life), but he wouldn't tell me anything, or even that he was hurting. It's horrible. I have been crying all weekend thinking that he's hurting and won't even let me know. This girl broke up with him right before homecoming, so her and all their friends went to the dance, while he sat at his friends' house with his friends' parents!!! He wouldn't even come home! I think he likes his friends' parents more than he likes us. All this hurts me so much, I am so depressed. I had an axiety attack the other night. This is just killing me. I feel like someone has died...
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replied October 6th, 2010
15 year old son hates me
Right there with ya! Just got a nobody likes you, I hate you blah, blah, blah...We just started seeing a therapist for him and Dad and i will stop by once a month. I hope that allows him to develope a way to communicate w/out saying Shut the F up, your fat or I hate you/wish you were dead. Has ADD but does very well in school but lots of work...I was his "helper buddy" until 7th grade now he doesn't want ANY help but still has challenges and works very hard for those grades. I am waiting for him to let the grades drop just to get pleasure in seeing me feel like all the years of hard work were for nothing. He gets physical once his anger gets to a point doors, walls, my pocketbook??? I am finding minimizing time w/him (seeing lots of movies) and being very firm @ a few of the most important rules helps...kind of simplified lately really getting tired. Have a great school though...never would have gotten to this point w/out them. And yes his dad is a great friend to him....my job is bad cop!!!! Sad
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replied October 6th, 2010
15 year old son hates me
Right there with ya! Just got a nobody likes you, I hate you blah, blah, blah...We just started seeing a therapist for him and Dad and i will stop by once a month. I hope that allows him to develope a way to communicate w/out saying Shut the F up, your fat or I hate you/wish you were dead. Has ADD but does very well in school but lots of work...I was his "helper buddy" until 7th grade now he doesn't want ANY help but still has challenges and works very hard for those grades. I am waiting for him to let the grades drop just to get pleasure in seeing me feel like all the years of hard work were for nothing. He gets physical once his anger gets to a point doors, walls, my pocketbook??? I am finding minimizing time w/him (seeing lots of movies) and being very firm @ a few of the most important rules helps...kind of simplified lately really getting tired. Have a great school though...never would have gotten to this point w/out them. And yes his dad is a great friend to him....my job is bad cop!!!! Sad
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replied October 8th, 2010
my 17 year old hates me!
Well...my son is 17 and could care less if i am living or dead! He leaves the house in the morning..never says goodbye, will not communicate with me to let me know if he will be home for supper..short with me, lies to me about what he is suppose to be doing and is really at his dad's/buddy..His dad is play mate to him!!! no clue on raising him because he was not around to do the "family" duties. I ask about college because I am going to be paying half of it and he doesn't want me to be involved! I really can't tell if he is playing me against his dad or just hates me...Either way, it breaks my heart into a million pieces! When I try and have an adult conversation, because that is how he wants to be treated as an adult, he will not answer...only ignors me and walks out. no respect for me at all! It is really sad that we pour our heart and soul into 10-13 yrs to only be denied our motherly duties which are to see our children happy doing well and know they love you and know they are loved. It is killing me little by little.
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replied April 15th, 2011
My 17 year d son has no respect for me. It doesn't matter what I say or don't say I am met with disgust. He talks bad about me to his friends and treats badly infant of them. They to have started being very disrespectful.y husband does not intervene directly. He clas he has to mediate between us. My son wants to go to parties with his friends and drink. Last night my husband help orchestrate a lye. He told me he asked our son to stay at his friends house so he could do some paperwork undisturbed. When I called my son I got no answer or return call from his or his friends phone. Impede a message on their home phone and got a call at 11 from the boys mother stating that they were camping for senior night. My son is not a senior and off course there was drinking. Also it was Thursday night and they were skipping school Friday. My husband and I went and got my son. It was then that I realized my husband had encouraged this and lied to me as well as having my son and his friend lie too. I was so angry that I chose not to react. My son went straight to bed without a word. I confronted my husband. He apologized and I believe he was genuinely sorry. However he stated that they allied because they new I wouldn't let him go. He also said that they think I'm crazy and later retracted that statement. He also said I was a loose canon. We had been talking al week about my sons attitude toward me a lack of respect he kept saying that he was working with our son about it. I thin he has betrayed me as a mother a woman and a wife. He also stated that I was driving our son away. Here's were I am really baffled; I'm protective but not overly. I respect my sons wishes. I try to be positive with him, tell him all the time I'm proud of him. Support his interest and when I find that I haven't been all I can be or have done something to cause pain or anger I take responsibility and make the changes within myself to be better. I have also tried punishment, I've demanded respect in my home. I have a time or to quit cooking meals or doing his laundry. I've tried reasoning. I've tried treating like and adult. I'm ashamed to say it but I even cries in front of him once hoping he would recognize that he had hurt me. He tries to humiliate me in front of his friends and my friends. He thinks everything that is wrong financially is my fault. I simply can do no right. He thinks I'm stupid and worthless. His father does not correct him. But he say's he has private talks with him. I gotta tell ya I just don't know what else to do. I have always hated women that leave their families. Could never understand how a mother could walk away from Their child. But I'm actually considering it.
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replied June 16th, 2011
I am in a very similar situation. Two days ago it all came crashing down. I was enforcing that my son go to school,as he had an accommodating project to do,if he did not go he was going to get 0 and probably fail this course,when he refused I attempted to take his Xbox away. He pounded me in the back several times. My daughter called 911,police came. So my option was to have him arrested so they could enforce a plan and some anger management classes for him. I could not have my child arrested. He is refusing to go to any program for help. I am at my wits end. I too could pack up and leave as i'm feeling my presence in this family is worthless. No respect what so ever. I can't cry anymore. I've tried to do the best I know how. Can't take much more.
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replied August 16th, 2011
I feel for you, although my son has never hit me. He is almost 17, and hasn't left his room all summer. He hasn't left the house, other than for school, for over a year. He doesn't want to be involved in anything, and will not even think about talking to a couselor. He just sits in his room on the computer. Of course, I've unplugged the internet many times because of this, but now he will just stay in his room doing absolutely nothing, for weeks at a time. I can't take it anymore. He's so bull-headed, and I am at a loss.
My husband doesn't do much directly. He'd rather complain to me than put his foot down and get my son involved in anything, because they will both lose their tempers and I end up with holes in the wall. I get angry with my husband and have begged him to risk the confrontation. I feel like we don't have a son - he's never involved in anything to do with us, even mealtime now. My husband worked out of town for almost 5 years, starting when my son was about 9 years old. They used to be close, and my son missed him so much. I think he turned off his emotions to not feel the pain, and now he just can't risk turning them back on. He says there's nothing wrong and gets mad when I try to understand this. He and I used to have a great relationship and both of us loved to make each other laugh and have fun.
Unfortunately my husband and I both come from very dysfunctional families, and there is no other family involvement for support. My son won't even go to a friend's, let alone a counselor, so that's not an option at this time. We are on our own, and don't know where to turn to make this better. I would give anything.
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replied June 18th, 2012
phone call from son for fathers day
I sacraficed and tried to give my son a strong role model to copy. I was working full time, going to college full time, and taking care of him alone because his mom left us. I know it is unusual for the woman to be the abuser but in my marrige she was the one who was damaging. This post isn't about bashing her though. I swear on my soul I tried everything to make my son happy and everything I knew and learned, I applied to him.
Sometimes it is not the parent that is wrong. Let me share a video of a phone call from him.
He is almost 23 now.
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replied March 4th, 2013
Im sorry for this. That sounds terrible. I hope you are okay
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replied October 17th, 2012
Oh my Gosh! This is my life. I would love to hear how things are now. I need hope that this will end.
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replied October 17th, 2012
This is my life exactly. How did it turn out? I would love an update to give me hope.
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