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My siblings will not help care for elderly father and dont care

For 5 years I have been caretaker for my father, not legally, and not paid for it at all. Over those years I have asked my siblings for some support, especially when my epilepsy got as bad as it has. I then started going into chronic depression that lasted about 2 years over it.

My sister never calls, my brothers will call if they want something from me, but if I tried to discuss my fathers health or the stress I was under, suddenly they had to get off of the phone. I decided to start writing emails, pleading for just a little moral support and trying to explain my health has been failing.

My epileptologist, psychotherapist and psychiatrist all have told me I need a life and they need to help out. after another letter with no response, the doctors told me to be extremely firm with them and that they actually understood if I disowned them. They told me I was being used by my own family, they have said that they are the major cause of me not being married or having a relationship and the cause of my low self esteem.

So I sent an email, first thing stated in it saying not to say a work to a soul until we discussed it as trust and morals were the one thing I hold strongly.

I explained my fathers health, which they have not come to visit so have not seen that he is about to have his foot removed due to infection. I have been working on the house for 2 months to try to clean it as I let it go when I got depressed, and am now trying to fix that. Due to losing my job, disability pays me less than a third of what I used to make, and both of my brothers each bring home well over 3,500 a month, I make 900.

They immediately went and told people and posted on facebook what I said. I tried making a phone call to each of them to explain as when I was writing the letter it was right after I had a brain seizure so alot of misterminology was used. My sister in law told me the mess and dad was all my fault and responsibility, and implied that I am a lazy good for nothing looking for a pity trip, when all I did was tried to tell them the outlook for my health as I found out my mesial temporal sclerosis has become even worse and is progressing. I then got an email from my brother telling me not to upset her because of her health when all I tried to do was explain.

What I did after that is sent one more email a couple days later, which was civil, asking them to keep the rest of the family out of it as they are deeply hurt by it, and telling them to cease all contact as their numbers, facebook accounts, text messages and emails have been blocked and if they step foot on my property they will be escorted off. I also informed them that I pulled medical proxy and POA from my brother, none of them are allowed to speak with my doctors or visit me and also cancelled all 529s I had set up for their kids and life insurance for them. I have rewritten my will, the funds that were going to them now go straight to charity and are going into a revocable living trust so they cannot fight it in probate.

The reason that I was so firm with them is that the doctors were fed up as they knew that I was being used and emotionally blackmailed, and were threatening to make a written order that I no longer have my father living with me.

The next thing I know is that my brother that works for a collection agency told my father online that he is going to get into my financial information and destroy my credit for the rest of my life due to what I said.

The weirdest part about it, is I was upset that night, but must have snapped, because I am now at the point that I could care less about any of them, I used to call my brother constantly to see how his wifes pregnancy is coming along, but now I don't even care what happens there, not wishing anything bad, just basically indifferent towards them, I could care less if they live or die and do not want to see their faces. I have never felt this way, but it seems that something may have snapped, as I have always valued my family although they used me.

There is one funny thing about it all. Due to them leaking it out online, my aunts uncles and grandmother all found out, they want nothing to do with them again either.

I never wanted it to go that far, just a little help morally and some physical help since I can't even walk without a knee brace due to having a seizure while doing housework and falling 5 feet.

Anyways, I am wondering what has happened to me here, why do I no longer care what happens to them, I have basically become indifferent to them, I do not hate them, but no longer love them either.
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replied December 6th, 2011
Wow it's hard to believe your own SIBLINGS would do such a thing. That is beyond comprehension.

I'm not any authority on the matter but from my outsider's perspective, I say "Stuff them". You've done a great job taking all that on yourself but the bottom line is you need time for YOU also. Have a look in the phone book or on the net - there are a wealth of services out there for carers. It's a tough job to be a sole carer and its only recently that this has been acknowledged in the community. As a result, suddenly there are a whole bunch of new services out there to assist with many aspects of the role. Also look into a respite program, where they basically take care of your father for a while, while you can rest and recouperate and just have your own time for a week or however long.

Where I live, there is such a thing as a Carer's allowance. You get extra money on top of what you already get each fortnight. I'm not sure if its much or not but its definitely something you should look into. maybe there is something equivalent in your area. And it might be a good idea to look into some counselling to help with all of the stuff you're dealing with. There may be a carer's association or agency that could hook you up with someone who either provides a free service or bulk bills (here that means the government pays). As you know, you can only "Do it alone" For so long!!!
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replied December 6th, 2011
I just realised I totally did not answer your question at the end there. Argh! Well it was just a couple of things that crossed my mind at the time. Smile
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replied December 6th, 2011
Experienced User
I have checked into assistance with a caretaker, however due to my father having a trust fund in oil that he cannot touch, it is considered an asset and any assistance is at his expense. I can't do that to him, his medication costs too much especially when he hits the donut hole. I am also extremely angered that I sold all I had to cover bills, I have no retirement, no emergency savings, and now no insurance so I have been having to skip doses of meds, resulting in my seizures going from partial to secondarily generalized (convulsions) although I have told nobody about that as the doctors are the only ones who know due to eeg readings. And when I said I no longer care, this may sound sad, but my in law has 2 miscarriages and at this point in her pregnancy I could care less. I used to not be this way. Something odd has happened which I need to discuss with my therapist
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