Teen Pregnancy Forum - My rights as a mother

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Q: My rights as a mother

asked by: serenitylove on April 12th, 2009

New User

I did post something about a month ago about my babies father causing me issues and him being all round unsafe for any child to be around. Since then we both came down to the conclusion and he told me he doesn't want to be in our lives. 3 days ago I found out that I'm having a boy and he knew the date of the ultrasound but I didn't tell him, since we've stopped talking. He asked me last night what I was having I said 'It's a boy, I told you not to text or call me'. Blah blah blah bickering whatever, now he's telling me that he's going to bring me to court cause he wants full custody. Is he going to be able to get it? I mean, hes been in and out of jail since he was 14, and is currently on a 3 year probation that he keeps violating. And not only that, he's doing drugs all the time again. Not like coke or anything hes drinking full bottles of cough syrups (HOW GROSS?) I know he won't get full custody but what if he gets partial? I have to have my kid go stay with him for a night or something without me around?! Where do I get input on this? I asked my OB/GYN cause she told me I have all the rights as a mother, but she didn't know anymore and told me to get a lawyer if anything was to arise. I can't afford a lawyer just incase something happens. I'm only 16 and having a baby! ugh. IM SO SCARED Sad

Replies(16)

preggie meggie

replied on April 12th, 2009

Supporter

I had the same issues. PM me on here if you like. I can tell you what I did and then you can go from there.

Megan

kyrafaith

replied on April 12th, 2009

Supporter

Since you are not married you dont even have to call him when the baby is born. In most states you have sole custody until the babys dad goes to court but they throughly check everything out and if he is deemed a threat to the child he will not be given custody. Everything is what is in the best interest of the child so just dont worry and focus on making yourself the best possible mother you can be, if the courts see you tryig and he isnt they might deem im unfit and grant you sole custody. just make sure you are the better parent.--- kyra

aochriss

replied on April 15th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

The court doesn't know any of these things about the dad, they have to be proven. Otherwise he's entitled to share custody.

kyrafaith

replied on April 16th, 2009

Supporter

he isnt entitled to shared custody. my paper from the state after i went and got my paternity test told me that even though it had proven he was the father ( i took the test because the state made me) i still had sole custody unless he takes me to court, meaning he has no rights and i dont even have to let him see nathan. An unmarried father has no rights, an unmarried woman gets them all.

preggie meggie

replied on April 16th, 2009

Supporter

Thats how it is here too!

aochriss

replied on April 16th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

But she said he wants to take her to court:

"Now he's telling me that he's going to bring me to court cause he wants full custody."

Quote:

What rights and duties in respect of my child can I
acquire through the courts?
Joint Guardianship, access, joint/full custody, declaration of parentage.

kyrafaith

replied on April 17th, 2009

Supporter

but once he takes her to court they will do some snooping and if she brings charges against him they wont just overlook them. They look into them, thats what my moms friend, who is a socail worker, told me when i talked to her about the allegations i have against my childs father.

aochriss

replied on April 18th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

kyrafaith wrote:

Right, which is why I said this:

aochriss wrote:

The court doesn't know any of these things about the dad, they have to be proven. Otherwise he's entitled to share custody.

kyrafaith

replied on April 18th, 2009

Supporter

aochriss wrote:

kyrafaith wrote:

Right, which is why I said this:

aochriss wrote:

The court doesn't know any of these things about the dad, they have to be proven. Otherwise he's entitled to share custody.

THe first part i agree with, what im saying though is that he isnt entitled shared custody until the court grants it. As far as the state is concerned until they make a court ruling is the father doesnt exist. She doesnt have to share custody with him. maybe im reading this wrong, but to me, you are saying that he is entitled to it regardless, which may not be what your saying ao, but he really isnt entitiled to anything unless the court determines it to be so.

serenitylove

replied on April 22nd, 2009

New User

wrong aochriss, the court knows everything about the dad. hes been on and off probabation and in and out of jail for almost 6 years now. he got kicked out of his moms house because hes to bad of an influence on his little brother and sister. they know that he has no set house to live in, and no job. the court is this kids life, and they know everything about him.

now i know he won't get full custody. i'm worried hes going to get partial custody and be able to take my child without me supervising. but i talked to somebody and they told me i can get supervised no matter what, but he probably won't get any custody cause he walked out on me and isn't a fit father figure

aochriss

replied on April 22nd, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Let me break it down this way:

OP says:
" now he's telling me that he's going to bring me to court cause he wants full custody. Is he going to be able to get it?"

So that is the question and circumstances we are dealing with. The OP goes on to say there are some bad things about the boyfriend that should prevent him from getting custody.

Then I said:

"The court doesn't know any of these things about the dad, they have to be proven. Otherwise he's entitled to share custody."

So now are we on the same page?

A man brings a woman to court to get custody. He is entitled to get custody from the court, unless there are things about him which would make him not eligible.

kyrafaith

replied on April 22nd, 2009

Supporter

now the OP is saying that hes been in and out of trouble which would be something the court already knows, which could prevent him getting custody from the court. IF these things are true and he has been in trouble they will consider that no matter if he takes her to court or not. If she hasnt been in trouble and he is and has been proven to be trouble they wouldnt want to put the child in harms way

Mabel

replied on April 23rd, 2009

Moderator

This is the way I see it: IF the OP is telling the truth, why on earth would she have been in a relationship with a guy like that anyway? And WHY would you want to pro-create with someone who is such a bad influence on his younger siblings that the court makes him move out of the family home?

Gotta pick your partners better than this.

serenitylove

replied on April 23rd, 2009

New User

but i thought this was a no judging forum? i didn't intend to get pregnant, and the condom broke so atleast i made an effort to protect myself. i'm 16, i make mistakes.

kyrafaith

replied on April 23rd, 2009

Supporter

serenity.. they say love is blind and that happens to be a seriously aggravating thing once the rose colored glasses come off. You used a condom, you tried to be safe, and things happen. you have nothing to be upset with yourself for. Sure, your 16 and at 16 a lot of people dont think you should have sex at that age, but at least you were being safe. Dont worry so much about this guy or what anyone on this forum thinks or says to you all you need to focus on is being healthy for your child and getting yourself ready for this child.

aochriss

replied on April 24th, 2009

Extremely eHealthy

Just because someone gets pregnant doesn't automatically mean they have to have a baby. It is still a conscious choice to go ahead with the pregnancy.

You have to admit that Mabel asked a great question!

Users who thank aochriss for this post: Mabel

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