would you like help let god come in to your life and turn it around and let him heal and restore your marriage and your spiritual life , he changed my life and he can change yours. he really loves you and cares for you.
if you like prayer ask me please

you guys have some huge communication barriers...have you considered counseling? one tip I can provide is that are you aware of the tone and body language you are using? this can be misinterpreted..i know sometimes i'll ask my boyfriend a simple question and at times he'll feel like he's being attacked, and he mentioned that I complain too much..haha and when i really sit back and listen to some comments i make i sometimes think..you know maybe he's right..so take a step back and make sure theres nothing YOU can do to improve the communication..as for him...well..he has alot he needs to work on..first of all, if his drinking is that bad and it effects his behavior then he needs to slow down..not only is it TERRIBLE for you, but its clearly destroying the relationship...there is absolutely NO excuse for derrogatory name calling..its childish and does nothing but demean the other...try and sit down and have a CALM talk with him..do not approach him and accuse him because thats a good way to get in another argument fast...just sit him down and tell him that you're sorry you two fight so much and that it hurts you when he calls you names like that and that if he's feeling upset or a lack of support you'd appreciate it if you CALMLY talked it out rather than getting into a long draining argument...maybe he needs some space? sometimes if my boyfriend comes back and is stressed from work and is in a bad mood and being rude..i just leave..i dont wanna be around him...so maybe go to another room and tell him you're gonna give him his space until he feels like he can talk to you in an appropriate way...good luck, i hope i helped a little

How long have you been married?...Do you love each other or is this just a marriage that you are both tolerating?...How old are you?....

If you don't want to answer these questions, this is not a problem...But, it would help...

Caroline

you husband is a very unhappy man. misery loves company. you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel if he doesn't change or get help then i would suggest you separate from him.
i went through 4 1/2 years of abuse. its been 2 years out of the relationship and i have mental battle scares i called them. it can escalate to physical abuse...you said his mental abuse is getting worse. i really dont like those names he's calling you. i know how hard it is dealing with that and smiling at people like things are fine.

@debd72

Don’t worry dear!

First of all don’t feel sad or depressed there is always a solution to every problem and people who are ready to help and support you to overcome this situation.

You should not even think of separating or a divorce that is not an option under any circumstances and not a good advice. A marriage is a beautiful union and always worth fighting for. Your husband must be keeping a lot of stress and things inside of him that he is now letting out on you because he doesn’t know how to deal with these things. But I am sure that inside your husband really really loves you and want both of you to live a happy married life.

I know many couples who have gone through this situation including myself but then concurred their situation and today living happy married lives. This is often the efforts and love of one of the spouses such as your self. I encourage you to continue to fight for your marriage and you will surely have success. I fought for my marriage for two years even when it looked liked the most impossible situation. I then requested help and I advice you too do the same.

My recommendation is therefore that you with no further delay contact a local catholic parish and book an appointment with the parish priest to discuss your marriage problems (even if you are not a practising Christian and go to church). He might have the proper training or will direct you to the person who has within the parish. The reason why I recommend you to contact the Catholic Church is that they are really supportive and have long experience and knowledge on how to help couples in problem. It can easily be resolved and you and your husband can get the help and support to live a happy and fruitful marriage. Take my advice these people have a genuine heart and will help you and give you the moral boost and support you need at this time. Don’t fight this alone. Don’t hesitate you will not regret it I promise.

At first take this contact without informing your husband about the same as most probably he will not be positive to this and become angry.

Don’t give up I know you are a strong and believe in a happy marriage.

All my support and wishes are with you

Respectfully,everyone isn't catholic or believe in "one marriage per life time".

i believe that divorce is acceptable by death, adultery,immortality,or if your partner departs from you your no longer in bondage. thus says my bible.
don't get me i believe in the sanity of marriage. i had to watch my dad beat the crap out of my mom, break both her arms, leg, tie her up and hang her from the banister, beat her until she bleeds, oh and he did the same to me and my 3 other siblings. he was on cocaine, and he cheated in my mom's face. we went to church, we all prayed. She stayed with him for 20 years of praying.....my siblings and i arent speaking to each other, we all have mental issues, some of us lost respect for my mom.
so since my mom made a bad choice in a husband she had to suffer for the rest of her life. she wasn't able to praised God in a peaceful way, she was always broken. this situation effected my brother so bad he is now abusing his own kids, he has no respect for women.
TCM_MAN everyone's story doesn't turn out happy. I guess everything I've been through i m bias in this situation. my advice is take out advice like it's food, if you don't like it spit it out.
and no i don't think mental abuse is grounds for divorce.

Words hurt as bad as punches. Verbal abuse leaves emotional scars in us jsut as a physical one would. You can not take wordsback once said during a heated moment...."I really didn't mean that, I was mad". Thats total BS. You have to be a really unstable individual to look at someone you SUPPOSEDLY love and adore and tell them you hate them, you wish you'd never met them, F*** you...Problem is, he's not gonna change. It all depends on how long you are gonna put up with it. Especially now thathe's drinking and seems to have an alcohol problem as well. If you were my friend and lived close, I'd be getting you out of this relationship....there are too many good men out there who would treat you with respect......jsut my opinion! F*GM

Please, don't tell anyone to go to a Catholic priest or any other clergy to discuss marriage problems...They are there to help your soul, not your marriage...Well, some of them are????...The church is still pretty busy paying off lawsuits!!!....If anything, they would be the last one's that I would ask...If anyone could help it would be an accredited Therapist with a college degree that you can see on the wall...Not one who is an overnight Internet genius who buys his diploma by watching videos and reading some book....

Oh, and may I add, I have had 12 years of Parochial School....

Caroline

Dear deniseforte,

It was not my intension to make you feel bad forgive me if I did.

I feel sad to hear your story and nobody should ever have to go through the same. I hope and believe that debd72 marriage has not come to this stage and with proper help and support her marriage can be happy and successful. I believe this is what she wants and want to give her the best support and advice accordingly to my belief and experiences.

Turning to the Catholic Church in this situation even if you are not a catholic or even a non believer in God is my advice because they will give her proper help and support and have the knowledge and resources to help her and also give her the needed moral support and strength at this time.

Personally I believe in unity and love between all Churches and not in division between churches or people because of belief or non belief.

Thanks for devoting your time as a supporter on this forum you have a good heart. I truly hope that you also have all the help and support you need in your life.

My prayers and blessings for you and God’s eternal love
Philippians 4:6-7 always gives me comfort, strength and peace in my heart.

Peace be with you

Please everyone you should believe and support love it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Problems comes in all relations and everyone has different problems. Everyone gets married out of love (most of us anyways) and dream of a happy married life.

However life is not always easy as we all know and experience every day. Everyone can not keep up with the stress and tension of day to day life. It will not get better to end your marriage or relationship your problems will remain and you will bring those problems into your next relation.

A husband/wife is a family member just as a mother, father, brother, sister or a child. Will anyone think of exchanging their mother if you argue with her or don't get along and find a new mother. No one will do that.

This thread is started by a women who has problem in her marriage and needs help and support to solve her marriage to make it prosperous and happy as she dreamed when she got married and her husband to.

The real people who truly and full heartily will support in this situation are the ones believing in love and marriage and who has the experience and desire to help without benefiting from the situation.

Everyone are free to give their advices which they believe will help no need to complain about other peoples advice who are only trying to support and help a person who really needs that. Lets all show some love.

Peace be with you all

You need to find out what is causing your husband so much misery first of all. He sounds very hostile, but that is probably the booze talking. Does he get abusive even when he doesn't drink? The main thing is, is he WILLING to talk to you about how he really feels? My guess is no. Most men don't say much. Find out what you can do to make him feel better. Just ask him. There are either underlying issues that you don't know about, or he has some sort of resentment towards you. Either way you shouldn't have to take abuse like that. If you are truly trying your best to be supportive, and you know for sure it's nothing you are doing to make him feel the way he does, then you should not stand for the abuse. Remember, door mats are for wiping your feet on! You are a person too!

Your husband sounds like he hates himself...He sees age coming on and can't stop it...All his signs of growing old are appearing and he can't put on the brakes... When a man gets like this, they cannot accept correction as they see everyone as their enemy...Especially a wife who is happy....They are not happy and don't want anyone else to be happy...The aging man has far more problems than the aging woman...We are just beginning and they are struggling to find the brass ring of youth....

Get him some help...If you can't consider leaving him...He is burying himself in this snake pit of no return....Watch out for signs of violence...They go hand and hand...Get out if the going gets rough and don't take any baloney from him...They love weak people to pick on and what is better than to do this to a woman....Just my thoughts...

Caroline

OH MY GAWD. Just gotta sit here and shake my head.

It sounds like your husbands problem is he is an abusive, spiteful, alcoholic and until that problem is resolved nothing else will be. Anybody can have the best of intentions, the best outlook, the best attitude. Add alcohol...instant a**hole. No, I am not talking about the have a couple of drinks at the end of the day to unwind type of add alcohol... if your husband drinks a pint a day (my guess is more) he is a raging, cant cope with out alcohol and doesn't cope very well with it type. In his mind he drinks to cope and isn't even aware of how it's destroying everything. He is drinking because he can't cope... with whatever it may be... life, work, home... most likely he can't even really put a finger on what drives him to drink. He just knows that HE feels better when he drinks and feels worse when he realizes he does and doesn't have any control over it.

I would suggest starting with dealing with his drinking as part of the relationship. I would also suggest you getting some kind of counseling or support for yourself to help you deal with your feelings and needs. Get yourself support regardless of weather he is willing to get treatment or not. If religion is what you turn to then so be it but bear in mind, more often than not one spouse "finding" religion and spouting it to the other just creates more problems. Give your local social services a call. They can direct you toward counseling and support. They can also help you with getting your husband treatment and keeping you safe and secure during the process.

I understand what you are trying to say, but it is my belief that no church affiliation should be brought onto this Forum...In my eyes they are all the same...You see I could tell tales of sorrow from a Father that went running to a Monsignor years ago, and the hell paid by a little girl when she tried to defend her Mother who had been lied about....Please, don't go there ....

Thanks,
Caroline

so if your husband refuses to stop drinking, and he continues to treat you bad by cussing at you and make you feel like nothing you do is good enough,and refuses to go to counseling.

how long are you going to walk on eggshells?
i know how hard it is doing everyday duties when you are so broken inside.

i'll advice you to continue to clean your house, and your everyday duties. but plot your escape! some men wise up when the best thing in their life is separated from them.
when i left my abuser, it was the happiness day of my life. i almost forgotten to how to smile.