first of all i dont know why i am writing this i guess i just wanted somebody to listen. i was born in detriot but migrated to england at the age of 3 after my father sexual abused my sister and hospitalised my mother,we came to the country with nothing and lived in shelters for a while before we got a council house on a estate, me my brother my sister and my mother. i guess we were living in poverty but when your young you dont really take notice. at the time my mother was 26 and had a basic education which limited her job ops and having 3 children to look after didnt really give her much spare time. i guess when i was about 9 it seemed like everything was finaly looking up for my family my mum had found a job we could afford everything we ever wanted we even moved off the estate into a rented house. im not sure why but i never asked her about her work, i spent most of my time outside the house playing with the other kids and things. when i was 13 i came home from school one day and caught my mother in bed with somebody, i really didnt know what was going on i just ran out the room and went outside to play. the years went on and i slowly worked out my mother had been selling herself for money, by this point she was also deeply depressed and an alcoholic. i didnt really no it at the time but the day i found this out i changed, looking back on it i guess it was from thier where things really started to get bad. i didnt really feel anything anymore didnt care what was going on. i started mixing with the wrong people after that and soon got involved with stealing cars and motorbikes and anything we could sell. after i started making money from crime i started abusing drugs. my mum new something was wrong with me and then moved us across town away from the people i was invovled with. it was a new start new school new friends but i still new how it was all paid for still new what my mother was doing still felt cold inside. since my mother worked from our house i could never have any friends over the house or anything, wouldnt realy of wanted to anyway since she was a drunk. for the next few years everything was average i guess i went to school and ended up finishing with some ok gcse's. after school had finished and i was 16 i then signed up to the 6form to further my education. i started to hang around with a new crown who got me into smoking weed. it gave new meaning to my life it was as if just for those few hours i was high for i could slip out of reality forget about my life and just have fun, needles to say this lead to a addiction to weed and i ended up smoking it pretty much daily, i dropped out of 6form after the first year and got addicted to online computer games, i guess they appealed to me because in the game i was who ever i wanted to be. for the last year i have been living in my room glued to my pc i rarely leave the house anymore nt really speak to anybody i feel a stranger in my home. im now 18 ive given up smoking weed as i cant afford it ive never had a job my mother advised me not to go sign on for a jobseekers allowance as it may bring eyes on to her and where our rent money and other things come from. my life really doesnt seem worth living to me i have no money no friends my mother kicked my sister out at 17 so i wonder everyday if today it will be my turn, i think about suicide alot but i dont have the guts to pull it off i just like the idea of ending it all. "dear god make me a bird so i can fly far far away "
thankyou for listening.
I just read your story....I am so sorry to hear of your problem, but honey yours is the story of so many people in the world...It's not a kind place out there...Let's face it life can be a cruel experience, especially when you are young...I will give you the advice that I would give my son after watching both of them grow up to be a man, or any young man that I respected...Join the service...Get away from home....Learn something good about life...Forget your yesterday's and find your new today....It's there...Open your eyes and smell the roses....Much love....
thanks for the advice and i dont expect your sympathy. i tried to join the services but they said they couldnt send me into war with my current mind set, and its hard to get away from home i have no money nobody i could go stay with, my room is my prison cell.