A little bit about me... My parents divorced a little over 5 years ago. I moved to a different city, and it kind of went down hill. Junior high wasn't bad. I was a little bored and resorted to online computer games to keep me occupied. My mom and I eventually moved to a better home and closer to my school. It was nice. Then high school came. I went through 10th grade fine, but my junior year was terrible and my senior year seems to be going in the same direction.
I hate my life. It's my senior year in high school and I feel like my future is going to be crap. I have a few good friends. My best friend's life is everything I want mine to be. He has a job, a girlfriend, more friends, he isn't bored like I am, and it seems like he will be successful in life while I sit here wishing I was him. I feel like I will never be in a relationship with a girl due to my shyness. I missed school a lot last year and my grades dropped severely. I feel weak and depressed and have suicidal thoughts RARELY. They have come across my mind once or twice and then they subside. I don't actually want to kill myself. I feel this need to cling to life even though everything seems like hell. I have mentioned my depression to my mom, but she thinks I'm just making it up. She brought me to a doctor and a few counselors and it was decided that I only had mild depression. I think it's more severe than that. I used to play Xbox and talk to my real life friends on there, but my mom considered it an addiction, so I got rid of it. Doing this got rid one of the very few things that made me happy. Now I feel like I'm losing touch with my friends because we used to hang out and play Xbox. I hang out with them person-to-person, but that's only on the weekends because they live too far away to come over during the weekdays and they have busy lives and don't really have time to just hang out whenever. Homework feels like the most impossible thing to do. I feel like there's absolutely no incentive what so ever to do it. I think to myself why would I do this if I'm not going to get a good job anyway? My GPA is barely a 3.0 after last year and I feel like it's going to drop below that this year. My mom had high expectations because I was one of those kids that ended up having high test scores and being put in advanced math. I was viewed as the slacker that never did his homework and procrastinated all the time. I fell asleep in a lot of my classes in my junior year. I didn't care for school at all. I just wanted it to be over. When I wake up in the morning it's starting to feel like it takes more energy just to get out of bed and go to school. I'd rather just lay there and skip it. My mom gets mad at me for it. My life is going nowhere. It's boring, not exciting what so ever. I'll never get a girlfriend and watch my friends around me end up becoming successful with their lives and leaving me behind. I think I have said enough.