My wife and I have been together four years and married for just over a year. We have a wonderful 2 year old son who we both adore. We are having major problems and she is on the brink of ending it.
Here;s the breakdown.
At my bachelor party, the guys took me out to the strip club. During one of the lap dances, the dancer unzipped my pants and began to, well ya know. I stopped in within seconds but felt terrible guilt.
Three weeks later (after the wedding), I told my wife what happened. She was very upset and I felt even worse. I ruined her honeymoon stage.
We enrolled afterward in marriage counesling for a few months but we both agreed it was not helping.
Fast forward to two months ago, my wife told me she is very unhappy and that she wanted space. I resisted at first but then agreed.
Her big three things were that I was still smoking cigs, that I had my own seperate back account (I gave her money for the bills and never took money out of our joint account) and that I wasn't spending enough time with my son (not being neglectful by any means but that I wasn't spending enough with him.)
After five weeks, we talked and she said she was willing to give it a shot. By this time, I had closed by personal account and had my check going into our joint account and had been letting her handle all fiances. I also had been doing much more with my son, which was great. Again, I always spent time with him,put him down for naps, changed diapers and helped with baths before all this. I just wasn't; spending enough quaility time with him, ya know? I have almost completely quit smoking and do not ever smoke in front of her.
We began sleeping in the same bed and hanging out. The last week and a half, I became very frustrated that we were not making the progress (ie. normal affection, sex, etc.) and confronted her. She said she wasn't ready for that and that every time I bring up the relationship, it pushes her further away. She said I need to just go with the flow and see what happens. I try but it's so hard to sorta live in limbo.
She said as of now she doesn't want to be with me due to us fighting a couple times a week in regards to talking about the relationship. I know that if I have a chance, I have to just go with the flow but it's so hard. That goes against everything that is common sense. Talking about problems is the only way to solve them in my eyes.
I have asked her to go back to marriage counseling and she has finally agreed but we do not have the money at this time to do so. I told her last night that I won't bring up "the relationship" until Labor Day and that I will just go with the flow.
Lastly, she has noted that I have changed my ways in regards to the smoking, bank account and spending time with son but that now, it's bigger than that. She says she resents me and needs to see if she can get past it.
I have apolgized for the mistakes i've made time and time again. I love my wife and and willing to do whatever it takes to save the marriage. i'm depressed, and barley eat but have to act like every thing is great around her. She called me a crybaby because this has affected me so much. That hurt. I would think most women would love for their husband to be willing to change, go to counseling, etc.
I take full responsiblity for the mistakes I have made. I just don't know what to do. Advice?
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