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my husband is using online dating sites (Page 2)


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February 16th, 2011
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Hi Nly6900 and welcome to ehealth: Truthfully speaking...I think you knew the answer to that question before you posted it....But, if you want me to say it I will....Girl, move on!....That man is trouble!....You can do a whole lot better....Take care...

Caroline
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replied March 30th, 2011
My husband and I have been together for a total 12 years and we've been married for 7 1/2 yrs. I have confronted him millions of times about being on those online dating sites. First he was on Craiglist looking for women and now he is on another dating site. I am sick and tired of his lies. Divorce is the only way to free myself of all of this pain. I forgot to add that he has cheated on me various times. It is time for him to learn his lesson. If he wants to be by his self and continue this lifestyle, he got it. My advice to Ladies that are in this situation is it does not get any better but only worse. Be strong and Leave his butt. This is not the man for you!!
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replied May 10th, 2011
Hey ladies, I am a 28 year old man that is currently in a 2 year relationship and I have personally had an acount on one of these sites before myself.

Reading these posts makes me feel horrible as I love my girl with all my heart and would never want to hurt her. I have never met up with anyone on a site before or ever cheated on her, I mainly did it for attention and it was wrong. I was open about it with her and eventually got rid of it, but I did write a couple messages here and there that she found out about that make me feel very ashamed.

I cant speak for all men, only for myself. It is very addicting and just because they are on a site like that doesnt mean they actually want to cheat on you or meet up with someone, but you need to take it case by case. If they deny deny deny and keep doing it despite promising not to, then I gotta be honest it doesnt look good.

I have given my girlfriend ALL my emails, passwords, phone records, etc. to prove to her that all that crap means nothing to me and I LOVE HER WILL ALL MY HEART, I would do anything for her. I use the same username and password for all my logins so she has access to all my names and sites, etc.

There is no excuse for going on these types of sites when your in a relationship, none whatsoever. If they are not willing to do whatever it takes to make it right with you, then be very careful and suspicious as if you mean that much to them, they should have no problem doing whatever it takes to earn your trust back.

Hope this helps some, good luck to all of you.
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replied August 13th, 2011
Dating sites
What a great letter. After reading all these letters from the ladies about their husbands/boyfriends using these sites, the one question that still puzzles me is WHY ? Can someone please answer this, preferably a male. Thank you
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replied June 5th, 2012
married men online dating
I am amazed how many married men are online dating. I just found my husband is very actively looking for "friends". I am so hurt.I do not want a divorce. The half clothed women are chatting/hooking up with liars and the whole encounter is based on lies...so what do they think they are getting??? Diseases and a liar!! Does anyone care they are hurting and destroying lives??? You all know right from wrong...so many people with low self esteem looking for players. Men are looking for one thing only. Think people!!!
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replied August 10th, 2011
Husband on online dating sites
Dear Alfabet,

I have been married for nearly two years. I caught my boyfriend 5 years ago on 'Adult Friend Finder'. I moved out and he was devastated, he did everything he to earn me back. So I had him move in with me. I noticed that, while living with me, he used my computer/internet to go again on the adult site, messaging very young girls and setting up his profile for wanting x, y and Z. I made a fake profile on the site and chatted with him. He said he would meet me but I was so shocked and devastated that I confronted him on it. He cried, took depression pills, etc etc and I took him back.

5 years later, I find out weeks before the wedding that he had yet another dating profile, posting pictures from events we had been to together. I did not want any family issues, so I married him in a civil ceremony but never legally.

He moved away for a job to the US and I found out he had profiles on another three adult dating sites. Now he is trying to move home and has been begging me to marry him officially, but I cannot. I despise him for wasting 10 years of my life. But it is still not too late. I cannot be with a man who does not even think this is an issue. I have to move on. I am so hurt and upset. I hope you do not waste so much time only to find out your husband on another site. It is difficult to end a relationship but it only gets more difficult.
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replied August 30th, 2011
Men are not nice!!
Don't be silly...they will all do it again. My ex was really upset when I caught him I nearly had an abortion at 16 weeks pregnant over it. I went to an abortion clinic, it was the worst day of my life. He was still apologising for it the year after like he still felt really guilty and I would sometimes see a tear in his eye whilst he apologised. He said everytime he looked at our son it reminded him of how bad he treated me and that he almost lost his son over his stupidity.
Yes I was a stupid fool, I took him back. Whilst he is giving me this rubbish on how sorry he is off his own back a year later, he was still doing it. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I was certainly fooled twice.
I swore on our childrens lives if I caught him again he would be out the door. Where is he now... sleeping on his mum and dads couch hahaha. He can meet someone else I don't care but I feel so sorry for his next victim!
He won't meet anyone like me and even now he says he still loves me blah blah blah, that is all I can hear. I think it annoys him that I sit there emotionless.

Women need to pull together, we are much nicer than the male species and we are too good to the men we are with. I know that when I see all my friends and how well they treat their partners but most get walked all over. I feel sorry for the amount of women out there now wasting their lives away with a man that is taking them for granted.
I have two children and yes I know it will be that little bit harder meeting someone I am happy with, but it certainly beats wasting my life away with a loser!
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replied August 30th, 2011
I'm truly sorry to hear the stories of what these men have done to the ladies here. In many forum postings like mine, both men & women are seen to say they personally are not like that, and cannot see the reason for such behaviour, and as I see hear, some unfortunate comments about men being Sad all just the same.

But the reality is not so, and we do all already know that, none of us aged over 15 are so nieve as to think its only men or only women who behave in such ways. There are more ways of living than stars in the sky, good and bad (depending on what side you are living).

I had a 1st girlfriend, 5 years ago (i was aged 40, im a very shy man, always been alone). She was already having her previous partner visit late at nite from the 1st week together. i loved her in a way i never thought possible, no mater what she did & said, i just wanted her to enjoy life, and she drove me drink, poverty, depression - you name it, it probably happened, though all so perfectly done i'd never had 100% proof. We split only because of her own personal circumstances making it happen.

I went on dating sites after 2 years to find friendship, the love of my life etc. I went on about 20 dates in 8 months, and all but 2 wanted me to stay and go to bed on the first ever meetings Sad I'm not like that and was shocked and sickened by this new lifestyle I was finding, the worlds new reality is not as I was ever brought up to behave.

Eventually I met my present g/f (partner?). She met me 1 month after txting my cell phone over and over. Instead of going on a date to the cinema, we met, chatted and had a drink, I was practically raped 3 hours after meeting (sex still feels that way even now), well she's a very powerful lady, much bigger than myself, and stronger.

She now lives with me, and has no idea how much I want her to leave, yet if I kick her out she is homeless. She spends al day out at who-knows-where. She's got 5 dating/porn-dating accounts still open (she thinks i dont know). When she needed to be back in her home town for 2 weeks, she slept in another mans house as 'just friends', yet I know they dated etc 3 years ago.
She used to see men for pure sex up until the time we met, and she thinks that is all 100% fine, yet she wont hear a word of my own ex or my family, and after 2 years together she has never once met a person I know, rejects all my family etc.
My ex g/f still thinks its ok to cell-txt me even at 3am if she is lonely, although she is extremely hateful toward any person who cheats, and my remaining 2 other female friends i've known for years, seem to feel they are constantly hard done-to in life, and seem only to want to tell me what a wonderful time in bed they are having with this months b/f Sad (why on earth would anybody think i need to know that??)


(ok, enough raging & letting off steam, i apologize).

But, the overall reality is, we all do insane things, we all can hurt those we love, and often we don't even know why we do it, or even see it happening.

Life for me, will continue until finally a big argument will break this curse i live under. And i hope that after that, as I wish for everybody who's passing through insane times, that we all come out feeling released and far more in control than before.

Best wishes to you all. I sincerely mean that, both male and female.
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replied October 7th, 2011
I have been with my husband for 37 years - married for 33 years. A couple of months ago I began to notice one or two things that didn't add up - I had a few suspicions and gave him ample opportunity to own up but it was only when he sensed that I was really on the trail that he finally confessed. The truth was actually worse than I'd suspected - I thought he'd just been looking but I discovered that he had a profile on one of these sites and was looking for NSA sex. Up until that point I thought it wasn't affecting me too much but when I read what he'd written on his profile, my heart just broke. It was like I had just discovered that the man I thought I'd known for 37 years was someone entirely different.

He was (and is) so sorry and very, very humiliated. Now, after all those years of solid marriage, I have no intention of giving up on it easily. But now I find myself thinking back and wondering about whether it has happened in the past. We work together so he has vey little opportunity to do anything very much that I don't know about so I can't imagine there has ever been anything more than casual sex - maybe not even that. I feel really, really sad. I don't think he actually met anyone through the dating site - his computer skills are dreadful and he hadn't even managed to upload a photo of himself but the fact that he had made a conscious decision to put himself out there has shocked me to the core.

I have since discovered that many of the girls on these sites are either fake or prostitutes looking for business. In some ways that made me feel a little better as I can't imagine that he would ever have paid for it.

This lovely man that I have spent more than two thirds of my life with obviously felt something was missing from his life. We have always had a full and frequent sex life, we have three beautiful, successful children a lovely home and a profitable business. Why wasn't this enough for him?
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replied October 7th, 2011
Stunned
I have been with my husband for 37 years - married for 33 years. A couple of months ago I began to notice one or two things that didn't add up - I had a few suspicions and gave him ample opportunity to own up but it was only when he sensed that I was really on the trail that he finally confessed. The truth was actually worse than I'd suspected - I thought he'd just been looking but I discovered that he had a profile on one of these sites and was looking for NSA sex. Up until that point I thought it wasn't affecting me too much but when I read what he'd written on his profile, my heart just broke. It was like I had just discovered that the man I thought I'd known for 37 years was someone entirely different.

He was (and is) so sorry and very, very humiliated. Now, after all those years of solid marriage, I have no intention of giving up on it easily. But now I find myself thinking back and wondering about whether it has happened in the past. We work together so he has vey little opportunity to do anything very much that I don't know about so I can't imagine there has ever been anything more than casual sex - maybe not even that. I feel really, really sad. I don't think he actually met anyone through the dating site - his computer skills are dreadful and he hadn't even managed to upload a photo of himself but the fact that he had made a conscious decision to put himself out there has shocked me to the core.

I have since discovered that many of the girls on these sites are either fake or prostitutes looking for business. In some ways that made me feel a little better as I can't imagine that he would ever have paid for it.

This lovely man that I have spent more than two thirds of my life with obviously felt something was missing from his life. We have always had a full and frequent sex life, we have three beautiful, successful children a lovely home and a profitable business. Why wasn't this enough for him?
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replied October 14th, 2011
My husband and I have been married for about 8 years now. We have 4 kids (2 with him, 2 from a previous relationship). For this entire period, my husband has looked at porn excessively, has secret locked boxes that are none of my business, has been cross-dressing, just bought a motorcycle--for adventures, and has joined dating sites. He claims that he is only doing research to see what kind of people are out there...but he says that he really wants to go on overnight motorcycle trips. He is open about what he does and expects me to look at it from a research/analytical standpoint. He also says it is my fault for being busy all the time with my studies. Hence, he started this behaviour before I decided to go back to university. We do fight a lot. I get mad because he is quite severe and insulting/critical on a daily basis, blames me for everything, and is mean to his step kids. He gets mad is I don't have sex with him after calling me names. He also says that since I am always mad at him it is my fault. Also because he has stress from being a teacher.
I am not sure what to do because He wont move out. If I leave, I have no where to go, no friends or family. His family wont help of course. I will also lose the two kids we have together because I dont have a job and his dad was a lawyer. What should I do? Should I stay for the kids sake?
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replied January 17th, 2012
i have just experienced this issue - i felt in my gut that something was not right with me and my fiance - so i went on the website we met on and was shocked to see he had a profile - i confronted him about it and asked him how could he propose to me and tell me the ring was a symbol of his trust but he had been on a dating website advertising he wanted a long term relationship - i told him he didnt have to worry about me anymore and that now he could pursue whatever he wanted to without me in the picture - he said he was curious but that i deserved better and he just wasnt ready to grow up yet - he didnt try to apologize or even explain himself - i am so hurt by his actions and cannot trust anything he told me ever - should i just let it go?
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replied January 24th, 2012
My advice to you...
First of all i would like to say to you is that my heart really and truly goes out to you,because i know what it feels like for the one person that you truly love and who truly holds that special place in your heart to hurt you....Let me just say that yes he was wrong for being dishonest and lieing to you.First thing is first,i cannot tell you why he did what he did and i will not tell you to leave this man,because when you are in love it is not that easy to just throw the person you love away.This is so easy to say,but very hard to do..I believe that you should forgive him...Why because he simply made a mistake and i believe in second chances.He did a foolish thing and i don't think he did it to hurt you or to ruin his marriage.I believe he made a mistake.I think the two of you should talk and maybe even seek some help together..One of the things that you said was that you were thinking about suicide and this concerned me because i know you are in love with your husband and that you love him....But remember that there is no greater love,than the love for self and universal law..Put no man before God and love thine own self before you love anybody and that goes for husband,boyfriend,etc..Always stay strong because remember you cannot change things that you have no control over and nor can you take a grown man and make him do right,but you can control your happiness and mend your broken heart...Remember that there is no man,no friend,nothing on the face of this earth that is promised to us,not even in marriage and or ownership...The only thing promised to us is birth,life,ups and downs,hurt and pain and God...So get that suicide off and out of your mind and never ,ever let any man or any body make you feel as though you need and want to die...No person is that great but God and God wants you to live even in death....I won't talk bad about your husband because you love him and he is only human but i will tell you to do something that you don't want too out of fear and this is to TRUST him all over again.Why? because you love him enough to forgive...I have learned and found that when a person say's that they forgive you,but they lack the trust then you are not really forgiving and this will kill your relationship and possibly kill the marriage.Trus t your husband as though none of this ever happened and be a loving and happy wife to your man,best friend and husband...Don't constantly make him feel guilty till the point he becomes sick and this is unfair..This is almost like someone using something against a person and won't let it die...Treat him like a man,understand that he made a huge mistake,talk about it trust again and let by gones be by gones.Life is full of chances and the biggest chance that you could ever take now is putting trust back into the one man that God has blessed you with and that you truly and genuinely love....Don't hold onto and worry about what ifs and why's because certain questions will never be answered and cannot be answered because it was a foolish act and a mistake..None of this should matter.....I hope i helped a little bit at least and i wish the both of you the best and a very happy ending.
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replied January 27th, 2012
Its not easy but you both can make it
My name is Greg and I am a sexaholic. I've been sexually sober for a year. I did what many of your husbands have done. I do not say that to let myself off the hook. I admitted to God and to my wife that I have a compulsion that I cannot control alone. This is exactly what most of you have described by your spouses.

Ladies, men watch porn or chatting is NOT harmless just because he isn't physically touching. Porn, chat rooms, dating sites, etc are all the same if either of you lust for someone other than your spouse. By lusting, we commit a first-step adultery, a trial run with our feelings that can easily become a slippery slope. Every time I looked at porn, I was lusting after the images or videos I saw. I pictured myself there doing those things and because I saw so much of it, the next temptation, chatting, was very easy to eventually do. The progression of getting deeper and deeper is so easy with what is on the internet. Finally, the step of finding and meeting others was not such a big leap because I had slowly become stronger and stronger in my obsession. No matter how many times I wanted to stop (and I tried maybe 10 times) I just couldn't by myself. Which is where you will come into your husband's recovery just as my wife did mine.

My wife, like many of you, loved me in spite of my infidelity. She was hurt but also saw that I could be a good husband and father. This was key to my recovery. I wanted to be faithful but for a sexaholic, just like an alcoholic, shopaholic or drug addict, I was ultimately powerless by myself.

My wife and I are getting out of this one day at a time.


1) Ask yourself if you still love him? If the answer is yes, are you willing to fight with him? Not FIGHT him but join the battle on his side to learn to control himself. Can you forgive him? Regardless of a tough exterior, he will only be free of his shame if you can forgive him.

2) Next, ask him if he truly loves you? I love my wife and truly wanted to be free of it, so I asked for forgiveness from both God and my wife.

3) But if he truly wants to be free of this and loves you, as I do, he MUST to be willing to prove it one day at a time. Your trust must be earned.
a) For me, openness was very important. I had to know I could tell my wife what was on my mind without fear of being yelled at or that she would throw her hands up one day and leave. If your husband trusts you will not leave him for being open, he will tell you everything.
b) Next, ask him to attend a regular group meeting. (For me, Sexaholics Anonymous because of its structure and rules.) Through this, I have been able to figure out what in my younger days caused me to start down this path.
c) The next just as important thing is you both need to get into marriage counseling together. He has to know how this makes you feel in a controlled setting where he doesn't feel dumped on for what he has done. Also, you need to know how he feels, how he got to this point and that he can trust you will love him in spite of the reasons he did this. For me, some teasing from a very young age which I had never let go, set me on my path.

4) I learned that I needed to drop everything from my world that reminded me of my secret life. I learned from a sponsor and reading how to identify "triggers". Also, my wife and I agreed I would:
a) Get rid of everything that might remind me of my secret life. That meant in front of her, I deleted it all. She saw the email addresses, chat handles, dating site profiles. I went with her to our county dump where she threw away all the adult toys I had accumulated over the previous 3 years. It was very powerful for us, and symbolized a new beginning for us.
b) I change my cell phone # so none of my past history could not easily catch up with me and be a temptation. This was a tremendous inconvenience for me but I wanted to be free, so it was worth it.
c) Be public with our internet. The internet for me was like playing with fire, so our PC was moved to a desk in the kitchen where anyone who walked in could see the computer.

5) Show him you love him. If you have children, show them you love him. Ask him to hug you for no particular reason. Tell him how difficult this is for you but you still love him.

Another point to think about, do not think of this as "going back to where you once were". Remember, "where you once were" lead you to the heartache you feel today. Make it better. My wife and I agree we are now building the loving and intimate marriage we should have had.

I do have a lustful urge occasionally. But I have learned how bind them and cast them out of my mind. I also trust my wife enough to tell her when I have had one and we talk about it. She is my lighthouse in the darkness I have experienced. And we make it through one day at a time.

Ladies, please....if you want him to stop this, he has to want it and you have to be willing to help him. I'm NOT saying you are part of the problem but you MUST be part of the solution.
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replied February 2nd, 2012
You're a good man; I applaud you in getting help!
I met my husband 2 years ago on a dating/flirting site, ironically. We only chatted for about a month, stopped talking, because I started dating someone else. Then a year later when my boyfriend at the time dumped me, he randomly found me on Facebook and we reconnected. We started dating in August of 2012. We're crazy about each other. We moved out of state in January of this year, and before we moved we actually went to City Hall to get married. We have a great relationship. But I found out that in September-October, he was talking to a girl online, whom he had never met or talked with on the phone. But their conversations were very intimate. This was around the same time I took a trip down south to meet friends and he was just adamant that I had cheated on him. He has some trust issues and insecurity issues. He was close to breaking up with me, which I just found out. So he was talking to this girl online. I'm not sure how it ended, he didn't really say. But then I find out AFTER we get married in December, he randomly started talking to another 'old' friend. He admitted to all of this. Said it lasted a couple days, they texted and e-mailed and the conversation went somewhere it shouldn't have. He admitted that he had/has a problem. Wrote me this 4 page letter, pouring his heart out about his addiction and about how much he loves me. I was a hot mess of tears reading this thing! He said he would even go talk to someone about it..get help. When he was in the military for 4 years, away from home, he relied on the internet a lot for meeting people and had a lot of relationships with people that way. After he got out, it was hard for him to let go of this addiction. And I think with everything moving so fast, and us getting married so quickly, and moving across country, that yeah, maybe he did get freaked out. Made a bad decision. But he was smart enough to end it and realize he was doing something wrong. Of course it sucked that I had to find out by snooping! I just had a feeling and us girls' feelings are USUALLY spot on. So I guess my point is....if he really is sorry and you two really love each other, and he has never cheated on you, you should give him a chance. Help him get help. My husband is willing to get help. And he has since given me all his passwords and even offers me to look through his phone, which I don't. After googling this topic, I have noticed a lot of women going through this..and I do believe it is a legit addiction. And I do believe that he wants help and that is sorry, so I gave him another chance. We'll see. I am pretty confident in us...but in the back of my head I keep thinking...when is it gonna happen again? I hope it doesn't :/
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replied January 29th, 2012
my partner has registered on a sex site
It's the second time now I've caught my partner of three years out. Twelve months ago he swore on his childrens life that he would never ever hurt me again after seeing the devastation he caused me. Twelve months on here I am again after seeing his profile complete with picture on a sex site.
The thing that worries me the most is whether it's just dirty chat or has he actually met up with someone (or numerous people) for sex. As he swore on his childrens lives about going on sex sites I can't exactly expect an honest answer as to whether he has actually met up with anyone.
We both work hard and despite my recent jokey comments about our lack of sex life he hasn't exactly made much effort. Now I just find myself wondering is that was due to the fact he's been getting it elsewhere?
Even with the lack of sex I've never doubted his love for me as he's demonstrative, generous, caring and always talking about our future together.
Last time it happened I told him in no uncertain terms that if it happened again it would be the last time and yet he obviously thought so little of our relationship and his kids lives that he risked everything AGAIN.
His excuse was depression and boredom after losing his job and the fact that I have a successful career and wasn't being supportive. Incidently that is completely untru!!.
I struggled to trust him again after the first time but after the loss of my father my focus changed and whilst I didn't forgive I managed to forget a little. As much as I love my partner I don't feel I can forgive or forget this time.
Also his ex wife sited the use of sex sites as one of the reasons for their divorce. My partner has always denied this - how I wish I'd listened.
Why guys, why risk hurting someone you supposedly love and jeopardising your future in the process??
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replied February 6th, 2012
If you're willing to give it a try, find a knowledgeable therapist trained specifically to treat couples.
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replied March 2nd, 2012
I am so sorry. My husband has been doing this now for 12 years. In fact, if you Google his newest email he has created, he is on something like 83 sites. He is single on some, separated on others. He lives in 4 or 5 different cities close by. He tells them what he wants to do with them sexually. Truth is, he never leaves the house! I wish he would, but not to be with another woman. He only goes to work and then calls me every chance he gets. He doesn't know that I have the password to his phone account (we have separate!), and have looked every day and he doesn't phone anyone but me. He doesn't have another phone. When we have sex, his knees hurt so bad that he can only do a few minutes these days. How in the world would he hold up with one of those young ones? hahaha! Well, today I found where one of his "ladies" sent him an ecard for valentine's day. I sent her a fairly nice message (she didn't know) letter her know he was married and that I understood that she didn't know. I also said I was sure he would give her one of his alternate emails, but would she please not contact him AND if she wants me to forward to her all the other emails he sent to other ladies at the same time he was chatting with her, I would do that! Then I blocked her. If she contacts him at one of the other emails that I can't get into, I will know because he is such an angry person that he won't be able to keep his mouth shut.
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replied March 16th, 2012
Husband on dating sites
My husband created profiles on dating sites as well and he posted pictures of my son and him.
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replied April 30th, 2012
I can't believe that 24 hours later I am now looking for answers. I have been married for one year and we have during that time gone through difficult times with my husband's business collapsing. Through it all I supported him. I am not perfect but I am at a loss as to why he did this. I found out that he had a profile on two websites. One was for S&M bondage which he created in 2008 and has been looking at throughout our 3 year relationship together and one profile was created in November 2011. It was when I read the profiles that my heart broke. He hasn't responded to any e-mails but that does not distract from the fact that he went on and created that profile and hid everything. What makes it even more difficult it that it was a website for transgender meetings and he had put down that he is bi-sexual. I find it hard at this exact time to trust him. I don't want to find myself in 3 years time when he does it again. I have come to the conclusion that it is not me but him. I think he is a sex addict and he has booked an appointment with a therapist. Is it enough. I don't know. How can you ever recover and go back to where you were?
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replied April 30th, 2012
I can't believe that 24 hours later I am now looking for answers. I have been married for one year and we have during that time gone through difficult times with my husband's business collapsing. Through it all I supported him. I am not perfect but I am at a loss as to why he did this. I found out that he had a profile on two websites. One was for S&M bondage which he created in 2008 and has been looking at throughout our 3 year relationship together and one profile was created in November 2011. It was when I read the profiles that my heart broke. He hasn't responded to any e-mails but that does not distract from the fact that he went on and created that profile and hid everything. What makes it even more difficult it that it was a website for transgender meetings and he had put down that he is bi-sexual. I find it hard at this exact time to trust him. I don't want to find myself in 3 years time when he does it again. I have come to the conclusion that it is not me but him. I think he is a sex addict and he has booked an appointment with a therapist. Is it enough. I don't know. How can you ever recover and go back to where you were?
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replied June 5th, 2012
help
i have been married for ten years. i have caught my husband on dating sites at least 6 times through out our marriage. each time he says he was looking for pictures, and he turns it around to where i'm the bad guy, and makes me feel guilty for finding them. but on each one he describes himself and says he is looking for something other then his wife. we hardly ever have sex and its been like that our whole marriage. and when i say its obvious that you do want it just not with me he yells and says he has no sex drive and it depresses him. what do i do? did i mention he's a porn addict and i can't find any evidence that he actually met anyone. he says he loves me, i'm just so tired of being lied to.
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replied June 6th, 2012
Online Cheat
My husband and I have been together for 4 years and have a brilliant relationship, yet he persists in (a) pursuing an attractive business associate, constantly flirting with her and looking at rather seedy online pictures on her Facebook, (b) texting another woman he has apparently never even met, and (c) going onto online dating websites and contacting local women. I know if I confront him about any of this he will just say, as he has done before, that he only did it when he was drunk. He will also then know to cover his tracks and I will not have a clue any more what is going on! If we didn't get on or if we didn't have a fabulous physical relationship I could understand it. I just think some men are totally insatiable when it comes to the opposite gender. He does have a very high physical drive.

I keep thinking that if I do decide to confront him, I am going to do when people he would feel very shameful in front of are around. For instance his mother, who he would do anything in the world to please and not to upset. Perhaps that would cure him!
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replied July 1st, 2012
My Husband Is Using Online Dating Sites
I have been going through some of the same things, that all of you have..and I don't have any advice to help in any way, because I need advice myself. But I do have a questions to ask everyone... Have you ever thought...why do "I" have to pick up the pieces of the broken marriage..and why do "I" have to be the one (if we stay together) that is made to go on blind faith, that this will never happen again..and why "I" need to forgive you, and think of it as a mistake...when "I" feel that this isn't a mistake, because a mistake is something that you do when you didn't know what you were doing or the outcome of it...so "I" feel that it isn't a mistake..because it was with intent! "I" feel that if he would have really respected and loved me, then he wouldn't have done this to our marriage...after all...how do you really know what's in their heart and mind...maybe some lie to get out of it. Best of Luck to All of us!
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replied July 11th, 2012
I've also been going through the same thing. He first did it 8 years ago. It progressed to the point of talking to another woman on a new phone he'd bought and then I found out. I spoke to the woman and she was devasted. He'd told her he was in an unhappy marriage and looking for a new long term partner - first I knew of our marriage being unhappy. She told him to clear off, he promised he'd never do it again, I forgave him and I thought we'd moved on.

When I was pregnant with our third child he did it again. This time he claimed it hadn't progressed beyond joining a couple of sites and looking around and he hadn't actually contacted anyone. I've since found out that was a lie.

Now, four years on, I find he's been at it for the last 7 months, bought two spare phones, actually paid 20 a month to join a website. I've just been through ten days of hell where I've had to drag every scrap of information out of him by literally screaming in his face until he's trembling and in tears, and I still don't know if I've got it all out of him.

He's telling me he loves me, loved me all through it, it's some sort of addiction, he'll get help etc etc. We had a good sex life all through this, over the last seven months he's told me repeatedly how happy he was with me, how much he loves me, how he'd never cheat on me or go onto one of those websites again.

Don't ask me why the hell I'm still here with him. I wish I had the strength to break away. I trashed the bedroom and found list after list of women's names, ripped apart his sports bag and found more in there, downloaded all the emails from his laptop to a memory stick and smashed his laptop, but somehow I just can't walk out that door and I don't know why.

Ladies, these men never change, no matter how many lies they spin you. If you have the strength to walk away, do it. The longer you leave it, the more times you forgive them, the harder it gets.
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replied September 22nd, 2012
hi help me
My husband and i wer dating a coupla months then he asked me to marry him.
Wev been married a year. i went through his cmputer n find porn. im not in the least a
bit bothered about porn.
but then later he got a smart fone a iphone
he downloaded this dating app on his fone
i ddnt mind coz i thought he was jus havin a laugh
but then once i found a message to some woman that
he has a sexless marriage and what should he do
so i flipd at him. he promised me he wont do it again

couple of months later i find him on another dating site
i cried to him
he ddnt have anything on it. he jus wanted pictures
but he knows i dont mind hm watching porn why dont he do tht
instead??? Why does he hav to talk to real girls.
Am i not enough for him?

He genuinely cried n sed he was sorry n he promised me again it wont happen again
so i thought maybe it was jus a mistake
maybe he dd it by accident
so i allowed it.

I was jus randomly going through his fone wen i find that hes joined
yet another dating site.

I confronted him again he said it was jus a mistake n it wont happen again
now he has a password on his fone.
I feel so insecure.
I feel as though hes hiding something from me
he recently met his old pal a guy mate he was close to wen he was younger
he says he talks to him
but all those tyms i trusted him again without a secnd thrt. thinkin this is the lastym.

I jus cant trus him anymore

i want to make it work
how do i stop feeling paranoid??

Am i being a control freak??
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