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My husband cheated while I was pregnant

When my daughter was 3 weeks old, I discovered that my husband (together for 10 years, married for 2.5 years) has been having an affair with someone in his office since July, when I was about 5 months pregnant.

To give a bit of background, I met the woman in question back in January at their office Christmas party. Although she was there with her husband, there was something about the way she spent the evening at the bar with the men while all the ladies were on the dancefloor that made me take an instant dislike to her. I didn't say anything at the time as I just put it down to me being jealous.

However, in June my husband went on a training course in the States for a week and I found out she was attending too. Although nothing supposedly happened during this course, the participants went out together every evening for dinner, drinks and dancing and I believe this is when they got closer.

Then, in July, there were a couple of "work nights out" and my husband ended up coming home at about 4am. During this time, his whole demeanour also changed - he no longer seemed very interested in me or our unborn baby and was just generally being quite short tempered, which is really unlike him. I now know that this was because he had started seeing this woman and was probably feeling quite guilty around me. They have supposedly been on numerous 'lunch dates' and have ended up having sex during the nights out. In fact, it turns out that she had organised all of these work nights out, so now I know why.

Anyway, my daughter was born in November and things seemed to improve slightly. However, he went on another night out when she was 3 weeks old (not with his work colleagues but with some mutual friends) and he came home really drunk. He ended up passing out in the bathroom at 2am and left his phone on the side. At about 2.30am his phone started to vibrate and flash so I opened his messages to make it stop. That's when I found a whole string of saucy messages that the two of them had been swapping just that evening. They were telling each other how much they loved being together, that they were 'soulmates' and that they couldn't wait to be together again.

I was heartbroken and confronted him immediately. He was instantly apologetic, telling me it didn't mean anything and that he didn't want to lose me - basically the usual nonsense of someone who has been caught out. We have since been trying to work things out but I can't get past the fact that they are still working together.

I know she is no more to blame in this whole scenario than he is but somehow, I hate her but still love him. Every time I am left with my own thoughts, I imagine them bumping in to each other in the office, carrying on their 'friendly banter' as they are part of the same social circle at work, swapping emails that I will never be able to check - all he has to do is delete them and I would be none the wiser. My husband assures me that they have spoken and agreed to keep things purely professional at work but how can I believe him?

As much as I am trying, I am not sure how I can get past thisfeeling? And if I can't get past it, how can we move on? I know I have to let this go if I am ever going to forgive him and make our marriage work but I just don't know how or even where to start...

Help!!! Surprised(
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First Helper betrayed1983
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replied December 17th, 2011
u have a daughter now and u still love your husband even after knowing the fact that he has been cheating on u!!! so better is forgive and forget.. give him a last chance and move on. but if u catch him cheating again.. seriously divorce him.. he doesnt deserve u!!!
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replied December 20th, 2011
Thats really sad but if you guys really want to make it work maybe relationship counselling would help out a bit i kind of went through something similar about 3 years ago but he left me for someone else while i was 5months pregnant it really hurt at the time and now the only one thats regretting it now is him so it is kind of funny how it turns around
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replied November 7th, 2012
Betrayed
How did it go for you Betrayed? I am in the same situation.
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