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my guy is avoiding me..:(

well we had an argument. it started off cause i was going to go to my folks house for some food and drinks and to just talk. i asked him if he wanted to come and he groaned but said yes. so we come back and he sits on the couch. i dont remember but he said something about not really liking going to my folks house. and i said "but you always seem to enjoy yourself so i thought you genuinly liked going" he says "babe, when in our entire time being together have i told you ive willingly wanted to go to your folks house?" in a sarcastic way.

i was shocked cause he made me think that he really liked to hang out with my folks. i said "if you dont feel like going you should jus tell me, i.ll go by myself and it.ll be alright, i wont mind." but they he said

" but i go to make you happy, you dont see that do you? you never see anything so you dont appreciate the things i do for you!"

i was shocked and hurt. cause i show my appreciation in so many ways. i cook, i clean, do his laundry, i encourage him to get to know his daughter, i support him emotionally. im nice to his friends when they come over, i even offer to make them dinner and drinks!?

i always tell him thank you, even when he does the little things Sad he doesnt see that as me showing my appreciation towards him. so suddenly het gets angry at me because my parents payed the bill at the birthday dinner he planned, they didnt have a present for me so they offered to pay because they also brough xtra people so..he feels like they stole his thunder Rolling Eyes

then the conversation starts trikling down to how i used to go thru his things (even though we promised and made an agreement that we would start fresh)he thru that in my face. i told him, all i wanted was for him to open up to me cause it wasnt fair that i was the only one doing it.

he says "you want me to open up?fine i.ll be a dick and open up! thats what you want lets go then!" and he sits facing me, inches away yelling in my face, how he doesnt believe anything i say about making a fresh start, keeping my word of not looking thru his things, how he considers me a yes-girl, how he hates it when i have an attitude and when i ask him to open up. ive never felt so humiliated and broken down. and now hes avoiding me all together Sad

hes been inconsiderate and bringing his friends over without asking me, or going out without letting me know.he.ll still kiss me etc, but we dont talk like we used to
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replied September 30th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
its bc theres still bad air there..you got in a fight and didn't really discuss it or get passed it..if my boyfriend and i get in an argument..no matter how stupid it might be unless both of us are given time to cool off and then its talked about in a CALM manner then things wont be ok and we tend to just not talk bc theres still unsolved matters at hand...tell him you dont like how things got blown out of proportion and that you feel like you two should talk...you know, my boyfriend did this as well..i had told him about my cousins wedding and asked him to request off from work, he made up some B.S. about how he "forgot" to request off and had to go to work...of course i got upset with him bc i had reminded him over and over again..turns out he never had any interest in going to the wedding, in fact he really was dreading having to go for some reason which he never expressed until we got into the argument...guys tend to hold things in and then blow up sometimes...just talk to your boyfriend..tell him if somethings bothering him he needs to let you know bc you cant read his mind...i think things will be ok once you guys talk CALMLY...like i said hes probably avoiding you bc you guys fought and things just aren't ok yet
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replied October 1st, 2008
Experienced User
I try giving him his space. I told him today that I noticed that he has been avoiding me. he said subconciously he might be. but he didn't appologize. I not sure by I told him I was really scared when he blew up in my face like that, maybe I made him feel bad.so ever since I told him he has been keeping his distance from me. after like 2 days' today I held his hand and he seemed more relaxed.

I've always tried to get him to have a conversation with me calmly, but he just never opens up. so now Im jus gonna leave it alone and not force him if he doesn't want to. but it really did put a strain on us. were jus really going to need a fresh start
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replied October 2nd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
if you've given him his air you guys should probably sit down and talk things out..i personally can never just get over an argument without talking to my boyfriend about it..it just bugs me, i cant ignore stuff like that..i like to just get it over with, discuss it and move on
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replied October 2nd, 2008
Experienced User
thats the thing, if i ask him if we can talk about it hes either going to get mad or just totally ignore me. i said to him today that ive been trying to get over the argument and be nice towards him, but that he still feels distant.
this is what he said:

him:After the fight i just feel weird. it feels like im trying way too hard just to try to stay wit you. like i told you, if you were anyone else, i would have been gone. but now its just like "y am u having to try so hard just to try to make it work?"

i dont understand what he meant by that Sad

hes been going out alot with his friends. he doesnt let me know were he is or if hes ok, he just dissapears and then returns with his friend (who spend the night) he doesnt even ask me if its ok. and he used to all the time (i have to get up at 5am to go to work) and they always make noise :(he says he doesnt know if the way hes been acting will change. i think hes acting out and being inconsiderate. but i already promised him i would keep my promise. but what upset me is im keeping my promise and working on myself to stop being the nosey-needy girlfriend type i turned into and he acting out like this.
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replied October 6th, 2008
Supporter
Sounds like you want to get into a relationship where you plan to settle down. some guys take a bit longer with that sort of stuff. My guy took AGES but it happened. If you don't like his mates staying the night, say so. I don't know any gf that would want her bf friends staying the night.

Glad to hear he's going to see his daughter.

Take it easy though, It's very normal to have a fight hear and there. It's only human. I'm sure it'll all work out. he needs to be a little more considerate of your feelings though.
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replied October 12th, 2008
Experienced User
UPDATE...

he's out there. tomorrow he says he.ll visit his daughter. he hasn't kept in touch with me much. I've been the one txtn him first, but he rarely replies. he said he got sick yesterday after going out to a pool hall. didn't hear from him all day, he did txt jus once to say he was sick. I tried calling him but all I got was voicemail.
even though he said he would be up.

tomorrows the big day and im still iffy about how things will go after the whole I-still-feel-for-you-it-should-have-been-m e-not-her bull drama that happened months back. today I just stopped caring. I tried so hard to be there for him, I even tried helping him better understand his lil girl, but nothing, I think my mistake was taking interest to try and be involved in the life of a child that's not my own.

but I love him so much I made that effort. but he doesn't seem to understand im jus trying to be there. so I just stopped caring. I vowed I wouldn't ask him how she was etc, won't even mention her name. im not even asking him how his parents are doing, because I feel so unappreciated. is it wrong of me to do this? or even feel so selfish. but I keep getting hurt and brushed aside ...
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replied October 15th, 2008
Experienced User
well things haven gotten any better. for the first couple of days out there he was sweet and saying he missed me, calling me baby again. now yesterday he drove hours just to see his kid for only 40min and he wasn't talking to me so I left him alone. I didn't initiate any conversations today, he txt me first.

he's very blunt, when I do get a reply its very simple like blunt and stiff. I really don't know what to do anymore. im understand were he's coming from now, but it just seems like were growing apart.I could just be imagening things, since he's distancing himself so much. but now im asking myself..how much longer can I last like this? any advice would be greatly appreciated guys and girls.
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replied May 22nd, 2009
Supporter
your online right now! how are you doing with your problem?
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replied October 4th, 2010
my husband avoids me
i am struggling in my relation what should i do my husband is avoiding me i have tried to talk to him but he seems not bothered whenever i ask whats the matter he always says nothing or just tired. But i know him very well when he is tried still he doesnt react like this he tries to spend some time with me no matter whatsoever. but now his reaction towards me are completely different. doesmt seem caring, loving anymore. living in one house like two strangers, what can i do i am totally broken from inside
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